A Farewell to Arms: Genoa City Motor Arms, That Is.

Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are a self-indulgent and neurotic bunch indeed, seeking relationship advice from anyone willing to listen. And thus, Colleen, distraught over her boyfriend Daniel having publicly declared his love for his ex-girlfriend, seeks the advice of Lily, said boyfriend's ex-wife. Confusing? Yes. Logical? No. What exactly does Colleen hope for Lily to say given that the latter is no longer married to Daniel because he is a liar, a cheater and a pornography addict? Likewise, Daniel indiscriminately looks to Chloe for advice - who in turn has about as much sensitivity as Lucy Van Pelt of Charlie Brown fame. Much like Lucy, Chloe shares a counselling style more akin to a session with a high strung abuser, leaving any advice seeker feeling worse than they did before. Chloe's advice seems to come with a litany of insults including calling the advice seeker (aka Daniel) a "loser" whilst poking them repeatedly in the chest, and knocking off a bowler hat from said seeker's head. Similarly, Amber turns to Mrs. C, whose advice to her is to be as promiscuous as possible. We firmly believe that giving advice should be left to the professionals and that GCF should rely not on one another for their convoluted and unintuitive advice, but rather stick with the only one with any sense at all, our most respected colleague, Captain Obvious.

Questions of the week.
1. How Freudian is it that J.T. was impersonating his wife's father by dressing in the trademark leather coat and black ball cap in an attempt to bamboozle the authorities? Does he dress up like Victor in the bedroom as well?
2. Why would Jack's credit card company deem a charge at the Genoa City Motor Arms Hotel as "unusual activity"? Is it because "wealthy" people would never book themselves into a lowly motel?
3. How creepy was it to see Jack passionately "channelling " Victor? Did he not seem a little too excited? Hot and bothered, even? Did he have a cold shower afterward, or is the Genoa City Motor Arms Hotel far too grubby for that?
4. Was anyone else mortified when, in an attempt to show literary prowess, Noah referred to Ernest Hemingway as "my man Ernie?" Does he perhaps have "Ernie" Hemingway confused with "Ernie" of Sesame Street fame?
5. How despicable is it that a grieving and melodramatic Victor burns down a chateau in France, considering that so many people in the world live without adequate shelter?
6. Who feels worse about Tyra and Ana coming back to Genoa City? Us or Karen?
7. Do the children of Genoa City's Finest sleep too much? Reid, Summer, and Fenmore, seem to spend an inordinate amount of time sleeping, making us wonder: are they being drugged? Again, where the hell is Social Services?

Newman Pitfalls Blamed on "Erosion of Confidence"

Since Victor's disappearance (for the umpteenth time), Newman stocks have plummeted (nothing to do with the current market disaster of course) , causing Victoria to panic about an "erosion of confidence" with Newman shareholders. Her and Neil's solution? Bring in the Black Knight's son. Already stretched thin with a tanking magazine, an oversexed and needy wife, a delinquent son, a demanding ex-wife, and now an executive position at Newman, Nicholas has his work cut out for him. But we digress. What really interests us, is this term that Victoria bandies about: the erosion of confidence. We feel it to be a fitting description for how we too feel towards Genoa City's Finest (GCF), in general. And thus, our confidence in Nikki as the editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine is questioned, when her own style takes cues from Wilma Flintstone (notably, an exaggerated updo, an over sized, short strand of pearls, and dresses not unlike those worn by Wilma). Likewise, our confidence in Heather as an astute and respectable attorney is diminished given she insists on getting her hairstyle tips from My Pretty Pony. Furthermore, our faith in Genoa City's Memorial Hospital is waning with an increasingly high turnover of doctors (think back to the days of Dr. Olivia Winters, or Dr. Reese, when one doctor seemed a permanent fixture, there to cater to whatever catastrophe beset our precious GCF). And finally, our surety in Victoria as a mother is questioned as she pawns her child off on coworkers, (as she did with an emotionally unstable Karen) while she attends to whatever it is in those infuriatingly ubiquitous Newman file folders.

As it stands, the only real vote of confidence this week came (shockingly!) from the Winters, when both Lily and Neil dissed the musical, Cats.

New drinking game.
Every time Adam or Heather mentions how Adam is a Harvard grad, take a drink.

Line of the week.
Jeffrey explaining why he is upset:
"It's about that creepy flower child you used to sleep with..."

Given Jeffrey's obvious aversion to this era, what the hell was he doing during the sixties then?

Questions of the week.
1. What would it be like to live next door to the Baldwins with the constant yelling, door slamming, unending line of people coming and going and letting themselves into the apartment at will, teenage girls escaping the apartment by scaling the wall, a refuge for felons (Gloria, Michael, Kevin, Jana, Lauren, now River...) and all-too-frequent visits from various law enforcement agencies?
2. Is everyone in Genoa City immune to lactose intolerance? Certainly Noah and family are, as all of their traditions seem to focus around consuming dairy products, where every accomplishment is indulged with either a smoothie from Crimson Lights, or ice cream at the Abbott mansion.
3. What happened to the rule for the Fresh Faces of Jabot contest that states a family member cannot be a model? Isn't that why Amber, former wife to Cane, had to disguise herself? How is it considered ok then, that Abbott, Colleen Carlton, be the Fresh Faces model?

Are Genoa City's Finest Vegetable-Hating Witches and Warlocks?

If you were to describe yourself in one word, what would it be? Sounds like the kind of sophomoric question that Jana would pose during a session with her Tarot cards, indeed, but it got us thinking: What word could encapsulate the essence of the Young and the Restless? Mind-numbing? Unrelenting? Facile? Moronic? Perhaps. Thought-provoking? Cerebral? Seminal? We tend to think not. Although, magical is a possibility, as magic seems to be the way to explain the unexplainable that inhabits every nook and cranny of Genoa City.

And thus, how did the insufferably cranky teenager, Eden Baldwin, manage to sneak out of the bedroom window of the Baldwin's high rise condominium? Magic we say. How about Colleen being taken seriously as a model for the Fresh Faces of Jabot campaign? Simply supernatural. Billy's astute observation that his grandmother "manages to look younger each time he comes to see her"? Apart from an obscene number of face lifts? Sorcery. Or how about the fact that if Neil and Devon combined their facial hair, they would form a full goatee? A slight of hand. Finally, how would one explain Michael's financial success as a lawyer when of all his work is pro bono? Voodoo. Plain and simple.

Let's face it. Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are nothing but warlocks and witches, immersed in the practice of magic and the supernatural. How else could it be explained that resident half-man, half-beast, Phyllis Newman, is considered to be "attractive", or that it is believable that the mentally- ill-millionaire- mumbler, Victor Newman, is a world renown business man? If only this magic could be bestowed upon us, the viewers, allowing us to make our own custom changes on the show. Just think, with a twitch of our noses, Eden would be magically wearing a muzzle, Phyllis a bra, and all wife- beater tank tops would be banned from the show. A wave of our magic wands would bring more establishments for GCF to frequent, Devon rendered mute, blow- up- doll- Colleen given a slight rupture to deflate her into oblivion, and Sharon's mullet lobbed off once and for all.

Questions of the week.
1.Do GCF hate vegetables? How many times have we heard shots about Esther's tofu casserole or about the vegetarian fare that the Baldwins had to endure at the ashram? Is it even possible to find vegetables in Genoa City?
2. How SOL is Jana since Sabrina's death? Her dream job as assistant to the curator of the Newman Contemporary Gallery ripped away from her, and back to serving coffee to a bunch of ultra-maroons*? And the strangest part? There has not been one peep from her about it.

* In the words of the infinitely wise, Bugs Bunny

Reader question of the week.
1.Has any writer/producer/director of this show ever been to NYC? Nothing about that "art gallery" said New York city, nor did the "bar", which looks like it easily could have been a bar in Genoa City.

We couldn't have asked it better ourselves...