Victoria Hates Motherhood (Feb. 18th-22nd)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Thankfully a lot happened this week, swaying us from our desire to abandon the show altogether. Not one, but two new sets (the bedroom at the Loft and the new warehouse space for the online magazine); new decor (aka a few new pieces or furniture J.T. purchased for the house at the ranch) ; a new character (Victor Jr.); a death (Hope's--thank goodness); Victoria's realization that she hates motherhood and is also friendless; Nick's flaunting of the same metal briefcase as Paul; and a new business to rival Newman and Jabot (the online magazine), making Genoa City the power trio of business that it has always aspired to be.

Death schmeth
Is it just us, or is a one day turnaround a surprisingly short amount of time allocated to the grieving of one's mother? Victor Jr. is either incredibly resilient or totally self-absorbed. We found it disturbing to see him having moved on so quickly (to include a move to a new city, the commencement of a new job , and a serious flirtation with Genoa City's resident half man/ half beast, Phyllis Newman). What is most disconcerting to us though, is that his choice of drink when cozied up at the bar at the GCAC was ginger ale. Like our mothers always told us: Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

A brave new world.
After many weeks of deliberation, Nick, Phyllis, Sharon and Jack finally came up with a name for their revolutionary-never- been- done- before (!) online magazine. The winning choice?

"Restless Style".

Good luck with that. Really, we mean it . Good luck.


Mommy dearest.
Victoria's first and only day alone with her baby was nothing short of traumatizing. This day with Reid was spent in a fog as she wandered aimlessly between the only four venues in town: Crimson Lights, Jabot, Newman, and the Genoa City Athletic Club. Bored and restless, she reached out to her one and only friend, a mysterious Sabrina who lives in Italy. This "best friend" (whom we've never seen) ignores Victoria's two emails thereby sending her into a tailspin of existential angst. Instead of running back to work at her first moment of boredom, could she not have pursued her hobbies more fully? What happened to her love of painting that she cultivated when she lived in Italy? And her talents of making medieval reliquaries out of materials from the dollar store? Couldn't these hobbies, in addition to time with her baby, have been fulfillment enough?

Reid, who by our calculations is still a new born (given he was born prematurely less than 3 months ago when Victoria was only 6 months pregnant), will now be passed off to a nurse. Which begs the question...why did Victoria want this baby so badly?

Amber the spin doctor.
Amber explains to Katherine why she likes Daniel :
1. He is impulsive
2. He is artsy
3. He is drifting through life
4. He doesn't really think things through
5. He puts himself in 100% and then he's got to work his way out of a mess

This is fundamentally where we here at It Never Ends and Amber differ: where we see red flags, she sees green lights. Also, since when has Daniel been considered artsy? Is that what the blonde wig is supposed to represent...artsiness? This sudden evolution of character makes sense though as Malcolm is clearly not coming back (after all he has graduated to Night Time TV), therefore there is a vacancy for a sleazy fashion photographer extraordinaire. Our prediction is that Daniel will be hired to shoot Lily when she becomes a "supermodel."

Questions of the week.
1.Is the metal briefcase the requisite accessory for the self-employed? First Paul, the only independent contractor in GC had one, and now with his new venture of his own, Nick has purchased one as well. Or perhaps Paul and Nick are sharing a briefcase to cut down on costs? If you notice they are never in the same scene at the same time with the briefcase in question...
2. Is Katherine actually paying Amber to record her life story, or does Amber have to listen to Katherine's "unique" take on love and loss for free?
3. Is Victor Jr. going to attempt to organize a coup at Newman and overthrow Victor?
4. Does Victoria and J.T.'s bedroom seem strangely out of place with the rest of the decor at the Loft? Somehow it seems too mature to be a part of what is the inherent immaturity that the loft embodies. (Although, this is all moot as they have now moved to the ranch house...) Our guess is that Amber will be the next resident of the loft. Why waste a perfectly good set?
6.Why is it so maddening that J.T. and Victoria have moved into Sharon and Nick's old house at the Ranch? Why did we feel a silent rage well up inside us when this was decided? Is it because it shows a complete lack of imagination on behalf of J.T. and Victoria? Or is it perhaps that the producers have blown their production budget on the new magazine space, and that two new sets would be far too outrageous for a show that has an average viewer ship of 7 million people per episode? And lastly, what is this business of Victor selling it to them and not letting them just live there? Is the mortgage at the ranch not paid off? Does this then mean that Victor bought the house back from Sharon and Nick? How can these people be so simple and so complicated all at the same time?

The Finest of Genoa City's Deadbeat Dads and Unfit Mothers (Feb. 11-15)

This blog is published on Mondays.

This week it became glaringly apparent that family values among Genoa City's Finest (GCF) have as much worth as a can of cat food. With only 2 weeks out of her coma, and a baby she hardly knows, Victoria expresses her intention to go back to work; Phyllis reveals that she owns a vacant penthouse apartment and doesn't offer her down -and- out son to live there; Hope's dying wish is to have her son promise that he'll let Victor into his life (a request you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy) ; Nicki admits to her daughter that she wanted to have her killed while she was in a coma; and Gloria continues to place her son as an accessory to all of her crimes. Isn't it time that someone called social services?

Baby? What baby?
Despite being in a coma and having missed the first few months of her son's life, Victoria is planning her return to work. She has spent all of a week with her baby-- a week with many distractions at that: learning how to walk and speak again, a wedding, as well as a move from the Ranch to the Loft. How much quality time has she spent with Reid, really? Our guess is under 24 hours in total, and she's ready to go back to work already: "I'm not meant to sit around", she claims (after all, that's what one does when they're a mother isn't it? Sit around, eat bon bons and watch, ahem, soaps operas?) Get back to work Victoria, God knows you need the money more then you need to spend time with your premature baby that you barely know.

The million dollar question.
Victor Jr., nails it right on the head after learning that Victor is his father. He asks Hope: "What kind of man stays away from his own son?" The answer? A Genoa City man. And thus Victor, Paul, Jack, and Danny have all made a point of showing little or no interest in their son's lives. Victor not knowing that his son went to Harvard and currently works on Wall St. is perplexing, as is Paul's lack of involvement in his son Ricky's life (especially considering he is currently dealing with the fallout of the lifelong neglect of his daughter, Heather). Then there's Jack, a man who definitely adheres to the "stay away from your son philosophy", as he never even mentions the son he shares with Diane Jenkins. Next up? Danny Romalotti, who "raised" Daniel by shipping him off to boarding schools while he toured the world spreading musical mediocrity. And where is he now when his son is in such dire need of hairstyle advice? Finally, Malcolm recently learns that he is in fact Lily's father, and as he is currently M.I.A, indicates that he does not give a you-know-what about his daughter. It is apparent that child neglect or rather, child forget, is simply an accepted social norm in Genoa City.

Freedom fries anyone?
Ignoring the disdain of the current Bush administration for all things French, Lily creates her own "Night in Paris" for Cane, at where else but the Genoa City Athletic Club. There she played French music, donned French lingerie and screened French movies (we were disappointed to see that it was not the One Night in Paris video of Paris Hilton fame), and tried desperately to impress him with a little parlez-vous-ing. Lucky for her, Cane doesn't know a word of French and was unaware of her impassioned butchering of the language that she claims to know so well.

New drinking game.
Every time Phyllis shows her signature insincere enthusiasm with a "definitely, yeah definitely", take a drink.

Questions of the week.
1. Is it just us, or is Nick reinventing history? When Nick claims that the new warehouse space for their online magazine is "the total opposite of every other stuffy office space I've ever worked in", we scratch our heads. Where pray tell has he ever worked besides Newman Enterprises? What other "offices" is he talking about? His office in the back of Crimson Lights? Or perhaps he said orifice and not office?
2. Why does Gloria deem it necessary to physically compile a list of people coming to her dinner party when she only has 4 people in her life?
3. It could have been all of that Kansas air, but is an all-in-black wearing Victor slowly morphing into the man-in-black himself, Johnny Cash? We could only hope. (Get it, Hope?)
4. The appearance by Pat Benatar at Neil's club this week begs the question: how has Neil cultivated such an impressive guest list of Z-listers to his club?

Wish of the week.
With the pressure of being "thin" as a Fresh Face of Jabot model, Lily embarks on a full blown eating disorder. Our wish is that her method of choice will be bulimia for in order to develop this story line properly it would require a Y&R first: a bathroom set.

Trivia to trivialize.
In the 1976 film Taxi Driver, Travis Bickle (Robert Deniro) kicks his TV while watching a scene from Y&R between Jill and Brock. In other words, Y&R is not recommended viewing for the mentally unstable.

We're Not In Kansas Anymore. We're in Genoa City. (Feb.4-8th)

This week on Y&R there were some very questionable choices in the hair and cosmetic surgery departments. Most notable was Daniel's hair: a badly damaged bleach blonde rat's nest that channeled part Rod Stewart and part Rutger Hauer of Blade Runner. Jana was the next victim with what looked like a perm (are they allowed to do those anymore?) accented with hooker-ific purple hair extensions. We strongly believe that Jana needs to go back to her "prison look"consisting of the simple, yet always sophisticated chenille knot. And then there was Hope (or perhaps more appropriately, Despair) who was nothing short of a mess of bad cosmetic surgery decisions. Botox? Check. Restalyn? Check. Cheek implants? Check. What surprises us here at It Never Ends is that a blind person would know that they needed any work done, let alone care. And how does a woman who lives on a destitute farm in Kansas afford all of these procedures anyway? Did she re- mortgage the farm? Clearly, Hope/Despair is not in Kansas anymore. She's in Los Angeles.

Gloria's taste rears its ugly head.
Jack compares Gloria's taste to that of a Hollywood Madam, but we believe her taste has more in common with Rick James: major bling, a big gold G (hung on the wall in the Abbott living room), a huge portrait of herself over the mantle, fur, black leather, and of course obscene amounts of plastic surgery. She's a very freaky girl indeed.

Victoria gets married and somehow we're supposed to care.
As this was wedding number three for Victoria, it was difficult for us to get into the spirit. It did not help matters that we were privy to a most uninspired wedding decor as well as a French speaking Victor (to what we assumed to be a French wedding planner). These scenes had quite the opposite effect, and made us want to boycott the wedding altogether. So when our PVR accidentally didn't record the episode in question, we were relieved. What we did regret not seeing though for the umpteenth time was Noah as the ring bearer (as all the adults in his life play musical partners). We are truly saddened that we missed the image of Noah awkwardly carrying the satin pillow up the aisle-- a role traditionally reserved for boys half his age. Poor bastard.

Heather the DA: short for Dumb Ass
If Heather is so concerned about her career tanking, perhaps she should choose to not spend her time with felons as she did when she attended a party at Kevin's with Jana, Amber and Daniel (all of whom have been either prosecuted/investigated/charged by the DA's office). Not to mention being seen in public with the likes of Daniel's hair: that can't be good for anyone's career.

Questions of the week.
1. Why do the people who live in Genoa City not have any friends? Except for a few friendships that have been nurtured over time (think Katherine and Nicki, or Daniel and Kevin), other characters are not so endowed in the friendship department. This was clearly illustrated when J.T. had to ask Paul to be his best man, and Victoria had no choice but to ask Phyllis to be her "matron" of honour, someone she hated passionately before she slipped into a coma.
2. Can someone please tell us that J.T. and Victoria are not seriously moving back to the loft? What is wrong with these people? We have belabored this point to death, but my god, Victoria is worth millions and her choice of residence is a shitty rented loft in the bad part of Genoa City? Which begs the next question, with all that money, what the hell is she doing living in Genoa City anyway?
3. How great was it that Victor was compared to Tony Soprano this week by Nick? Why didn't we come up with that?
4. Who knew that not having a high school diploma, as well as having a career in stripping could prepare you to be the CEO of a major cosmetics company? Nicki Newman, a true inspiration.
5. Why does Victor have to ask Hope where Victor Jr. lives? As a man who "cares deeply about family", shouldn't he know this information?

The Genoa City Economy Grinds To a Halt

With the bulk of GCF (Genoa City's Finest) now unemployed (namely Jack, Sharon, Phyllis Nick), the economy in Genoa City is about to crash. Clearly Phyllis is concerned about Nick's work ethic as he remains contentedly at home wearing the requisite uniform of the unemployed: a wife-beater, eating the requisite dish of choice of the unemployed: potato chips and drinking the requisite beverage of the unemployed: beer. The hope is that Nick will be able to handle the payments on the mortgage on the Tack(y) House and that he isn't dealing with a sub-prime mortgage. Without his dad's backing and a questionable work ethic, he could be in serious trouble. No wonder Phyllis looked so panicked.

Post-coma Victoria ignores J.T.
Victoria finally wakes up after months of being in a coma, and doesn't so much as look at J.T. After meeting her baby for the first time, she has an intimate moment with Nicki, and then Victor and then Nick, all the while J.T. waits patiently in the wings. Nothing. Finally a day or two later, she acknowledges him, and then promptly falls asleep. So much for presence, J.T.

Mrs. C's mind remains firmly planted in the gutter.
In addition to last week's nostalgic reminiscing about stable boys of yore, this week Katherine demonstrates that at all times, no matter how serious the issue is at hand, her mind is always in the gutter. And serious this week's issue was, as it had to do with her health. After a "mini-stroke", her doctor advises her to "refrain from doing anything that you shouldn't be doing." Her response? "Ahhhhhhhh, I wish that statement meant what it used to..." Katherine, you are officially making a fool out of yourself.

Amber blows her job interview.
Speaking of gutters, Amber blows her chance of getting out of the gutter that has become her life (namely working at Crimson Lights for minimum wage, and freeloading off of Kevin). In a frenzy of narcissistic self-absorption, Amber blows her chance at being the executive assistant to Jabot's CEO (aka Nicki), in an informal interview with Nicki and Katherine:
Amber: "I want the job, you don't know what the chance means to me, but I just can't take it.
Katherine: 'Why not?"
Amber: "Because Jabot is where-you-know-who-works."
Katherine: "You have to learn to deal with that on a professional level."
Amber: "Oh No, that won't work. He's (Cane) like is a bad addiction, he's my drug and I just need to stay away from him, I have to detox. "
Katherine: "You control your emotions, you control your feelings"
Amber: " Not when it comes to him. You have seen what I'm capable of, it's best just to stay away."

How would you like to have that piece of work as your personal assistant? Nicki certainly dodged a bullet there.

J.T. head of security.
J.T. is belittled once again by the Newmans as Victor considers his P.I. wage insufficient for raising a child. He emasculates J.T. further by offering him a job at Newman as "Head of Security", or more appropriately, Head of Insecurity.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
Victoria shares her desire to wear her mother's wedding dress when she marries J.T. And thus the damning dialogue:

Victoria: "Mother, can I wear your wedding dress?"
Nicki: "Which one?"

Seriously.

Questions of the week.
1. Is there a Craig's List for Genoa City? If so, is this where Nick will look for new employment?
2. Why is Amber's phone so big? Is it all the fake encrusted jewels on it that trick the eye into thinking it is bigger than it is?
3. Did Victoria get collagen lip implants while she was in a coma? If so, who did the treatment? Miguel?
4. Is it just us, or since Gloria has been married to Jeffrey, she has been looking more like the Bride of Frankenstein?
5. Why do people even bother looking at the menu at the Genoa City Athletic Club? One would think that they would have it memorized after eating three square meals a day there every day, 365 days a year, year after year.
6. Why does Adrian Corbell even bother trying to talk books with anyone who frequents the Genoa City Athletic Club, or lives in Genoa City, for that matter? After asking Paul and Maggie "which books they have on their nightstands right now", he is left with the pitiful answer from Maggie: "Something about my inner child", and Paul: "A remote and an empty beer bottle. But I read the label on the beer bottle". No wonder Heather doesn't want anything to do with Paul.

Miguel Packs Nicki's Panties.

This blog is published on Mondays.

It felt like absolutely nothing happened this week, and we here at It Never Ends, were very concerned that we would have nothing to write about. But upon further reflection, we realized that in fact, things did happen, seemingly big things, but what perplexes us is that we found ourselves not really caring. For example, Victoria woke up from her coma (yawn) , Victor's murder charges were dropped (double yawn) , Reid came home from the hospital (snore) , Mrs. C. had a mini stroke (I think we did too) , and Lily was chosen as one of the winners of the Fresh Face of Jabot contest (snooze) . What did capture our attention though, were the seemingly minor plot points, such as the fact that Miguel, our favourite man- servant, was ordered by Victor to pack up all of Nicki's things which presumably included any undergarments left wilynily( an image we quite enjoy) ; or that Mrs. C, dressed in a giant frilly white collar a la William Shakespeare, reminisced again about "all of those delightful stable boys" that she bedded in her pre-facelift days ; or that Lily mentioned to another contestant that Genoa City has "a pretty decent nightlife"; or that everyone was talking about the movie Casablanca in an attempt to demonstrate worldliness and culture ; or that Karen emerged out of Neil's bedroom, wearing his bathrobe and asked Lily if she "feels uncomfortable"; or that J.T. dreamed of having a family home "maybe bigger than the loft", when his future wife is worth billions. These plot points may seem insignificant, but to us they are infinitely more interesting.

New drinking game.
For whatever reason, GCF (Genoa City's Finest) seem to not understand the finer points of good table manners; notably to avoid the temptation of waving utensils in the air while speaking at the dinner table. We've seen Heather Stevens and Phyllis indulge in this behaviour on a few occasions, and this week, Karen, Neil and the man David owes money to, joined the ranks. And thus, we here at It Never Ends would like to add a new drinking game to our arsenal: every time someone exuberantly expresses themselves with the aid of a utensil, take a drink.

Karen makes a case for Cane and Lily.
More like, Karen struggles to make a case for Cane and Lily. And thus her argument illustrating how much they have in common:

1. They have both been married before.
2. They have both lived in their own apartment (and currently live with their parents).
3. They have both travelled.

What we believe she left off the list:

4. They both breathe air.
5. They both eat food.
6. They both drink water.

A match made in heaven our Lily and Cane.

Cane, director of flower arranging.
We saw Cane in his new role of Director of Acquisitions at Jabot this week, and what an impressive sight he was: arranging bouquets of flowers, making sure there was enough seating for the press conference, and testing the microphone with the always original, "Testing1,2 !". Who says you need an MBA to be an executive in a large multinational company anyway?

Brad the harasser.
After Brad strikes out with Sharon, again, he moves onto another employee/subordinate this week. Unfortunately for the never-before-been-seen-woman, she made the grave error of making eye contact with Brad in the halls of Newman, and before you can say "sexual predator", Brad had coerced her into a non-work related dinner. Our advice to this mystery woman? Hire a lawyer now who specializes in sexual harassment. Given the years he spent harassing Christine Blair, Michael Baldwin has a certain '"expertise" and therefore seems an obvious choice...

Questions of the week.
1. What ever happened to everyone working at Fenmore's boutique? Has it closed down and did they have to lay off all of the employees? What kind of severance package did people get, if any?

Neil Calls Victor a Nazi

This blog is posted weekly on Mondays.

Well ok, this week Neil didn't come right out and call Victor a Nazi per say, but rather inferred it. First he compared Victor's strategy to ruin Nicki to a blitzkreig; a military strategy favoured by the Nazis. Later he compared Victor's me- against- the- world approach to the Nuremburg-esque rallying of German troops against the rest of the world. Is it a coincidence that Victor's background also happens to be German?

More references to 20th century European history were made this week, by Cane of all people. In an attempt to bamboozle and belittle Lily (subscribing to the confuse, patronize and seduce approach), he tried to convince her that the Civil War was started by Archduke Franz Ferdinand (whose assassination sparked the outbreak of the First World War). At first, we here at It Never Ends were impressed that Cane would even know this historical fact, but upon further reflection, we realized that most likely he was referring to the popular Scottish indie band, Franz Ferdinand. We know. Our expectations are much too high.

The Victerminator.
This week we can let Victor's words speak for himself. And no one can speak for himself like our beloved Victor. And thus, yelling to no one in particular:

"I grew up in an orphanage. I grew up alone...SO GET OUT!!!! I don't need any of you!!!!!"

and

"You don't think I know how to be alone????????"

or to Nicki:

"I want you exactly how I found you; with nothing. You go back to the damn strip club where I found you. When things get tight...something to fall back on. I want to see you back on the streets where you came from. Nothing would make me happier. Now get the hell out of here!!!"

That's our boy.

John the tormentor.
Poor Jack. This week his father's ghost performed his usual haunting, but did so in such a way that was, quite frankly, mean. Preying on Jack's insecurities, he taunted him with images of Sharon and Brad in bed together. If we were Jack, we would much rather be dealing with a poltergeist that threw chairs across the room and broke dishes, than the psychological abuse coming from the seemingly benign ghost of his father.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
The dialogue between Sharon and Jack on vacation in the Bahamas is precisely what gives soaps a bad name, and makes us want to take back every hour spent watching the Y&R over the past 20 years:

Sharon: "It looks like its going to rain."
Jack: "Rain is romantic, especially in the tropics."
Sharon: "Yeah, everything is romantic in the tropics".
Jack: "Yeah, everything is when you're here."
Sharon: "Sure is easy to forget about everything when you're in a place like this."
Jack: "Well, almost everything. I can't seem to forget the fact that I love you. I can't seem to forget how much it means to me to have yo here right now."
Sharon: "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here with you."
Jack: "Don't you sometimes wish that you could freeze a moment and live in it forever?"
Sharon: "Yeah. I wish we could."
Jack: "We could try just tonight."
Sharon: "Deal."

They kiss.

Sharon: "What would you like to do tonight".
Jack: " I'd like to see you out of this robe again."

Sharon removes her robe.

Sharon: "Well, the air con made me a bit cold when we first came in, but the champagne is warming me up."
Jack: "Oh, somehow I thought it was me warming you up."
Sharon: "Kiss me."

They kiss passionately. Jack undoes her bikini top.

Sharon: "Mmmmmm you are a bad boy."
Jack: "That's what you love about me right?"
Sharon: "That and other things too numerous to mention."
Jack: "Well, we have all night."

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd cut.

Yikes. Does it get any worse? Really?

Jana the killer.
Our favourite goth killer was released from prison thanks to a little research and PR from Kevin (who knew it was that easy to get a murderer out of jail?). "Friends" of Jana prettied the coffee house with goth- like decor to include candles, black table cloths, and a make-up wearing Daniel. Is it just us, or were the skulls on each table not the most appropriate choice to honour a girl that beat someone to death by hitting them on the back of the head with a lead pipe?

Nicki the racist.
This week Nicki decides to accept David Chow's marriage (this will be her seventh, yes seventh, marriage). What she doesn't accept though is his last name. She tries it aloud: "Nicki Chow", and then laughs at what she sees as utterly absurd, "I won't be taking your name, sorry". Our question is, why? Why is Newman ok? Or Landers? Or Abbott, or Foster (to name a few of her ex-husbands) and not Chow? We ask: Is Nicki Newman racist?

Best image of the week.
Cane wants to celebrate his new promotion as Director of Acquisitions (where? Chancellor? Jabot? McDonalds?) by suggesting a trip to Australia for he, Jill and Katherine. In order to sell the virtues of Australia he mentions a few tourist attractions including a topless beach. He goes further to suggest that the three of them go together. Cane sure is a different bloke. We don't know many lads who would suggest a topless beach with his grandmother and mother. Hold onto that one, Lily.

Questions of the week.
1. Is there an age limit on stripping? Could Nicki still pull it off if she had to?
2. Is Katherine Chancellor, thanks to the new orange rinse in her hair, looking more and more like Ronald McDonald each day?
3. Why was John's ghost wearing a suit this week? Don't ghosts normally pick one outfit and wear it for eternity? Is that not what the white sheet is for?
4. Who exactly is this friend of Noah's named Sam? Have we met him before? Is it Sam for Samuel, or Sam for Samantha? Why does Noah spend so much time there? To escape the hyper-dysfunctional adults in his life, or for other reasons unknown to us?
5. Does Brad not know that it's often stated that 80% of all free bar nuts are covered in feces and urine? Is that why he is always wolfing them back at the bar at the Genoa City Athletic Club?
6. Is it appropriate that Sharon's employer/superior, Brad, show up at her hotel room unannounced, only to attempt to bed her? Sexual harassment anyone? In our opinion, he deserves those urine soaked nuts.
6. Is it just us, or does Marina, Amber's alter ego, have the nastiest fashion sense ever? The 1980s secretary look is a surprising choice given Amber's design "talents."

Wish list of the week.
1. After hearing the words "you're fired", from Victor this week (to his son no less), it left us thinking of Donald Trump and his show, The Apprentice. Our wish is for an Apprentice type show with Victor instead of Trump and the winner would get a job in the mail room at Newman Enterprises. Or better yet, would be painted alongside Victor in a new portrait for his office.

Nicki Starts a Book Club With J.T.

Last week a reader commented on how we here at It Never Ends tend to focus on the creepier side of Genoa City. Indeed, this is true, but how can one not? The creepiness oozes out of every orifice, every nook and every cranny. Let's face it, everyone on Y&R is creepy in their own unique and special way, and this is precisely what we love about the show.

This week ranked high on the creepy scale where episodes tended to be "a little bit blue", and maybe even a little pornographic. These scenes are like watching a car wreck; you don't want to watch but you just can't seem to bring yourself to look away.

Sharon prefers darkness.
Interesting to see that Sharon was never one to turn the light out before sex when she was with Nick. But Jack is another story. Before they got carried away in their make-up sex last week, Sharon made sure to take a moment to turn off the light first. Somehow, we don't blame her.

Fornicating Cam.
The fornicating cam was in full voyeuristic mode this week, as it roamed from one fornicating couple to the next: Nick and Phyllis at both the Tack(y) house and Victor's office; Lauren and Micheal at their apartment; Sharon and Jack at the Abbott manor; and Neil and Karen at Indigo. We want our money back.

Victor watches Phyllis and Nick copulate.
Phyllis, GC's resident nymphomaniac, locks Nick in his father's office with the intention of taking advantage of him in a way that would get anyone else fired from their job. Nick hesitates for a brief moment, looks up at the watchful eye of his father's portrait, shrugs and indulges his wife. Evidently this disrespect to his father has Nick subscribe to the "Hos before Bros" philosophy, and not the "Bros before Hos" that one would expect.

Baby Reid pulls J.T.'s finger.
Well ok, Reid grabbed, not pulled, J.T.'s finger this week, but we quite like the idea of J.T. telling his infant baby to "pull my finger". Reid's gift at grabbing fingers was quickly surpassed by his ability to breathe on his own without a ventilator. We assume that he and J.T. will be moving into the upstairs room at the ranch with Victoria any day. Miguel will most definitely have his hands full now; if he is indeed sill alive . Perhaps Victor has offed him as well?

J.T. the amateur.
J.T.'s amateurish investigative skills are becoming glaringly more apparent with each episode. He grills Nicki with not-so-subtle questions about David's past, making it obvious to Nicki that he is in fact investigating David. And the worst part? J.T. admits to Nicki that Victor has hired him without even attempting to cover up the fact. As an investigator aren't you supposed to maintain the confidentiality of your clients? No wonder Victor fired him. Maybe J.T. won't be moving to the ranch after all...

Nicki reads Cervantes.
First of all, Nicki reads? Secondly, her favourite book is Don Quixote? We would have pegged Nicki for more of a Danielle Steele or Harlequin Romance type of girl. J.T. is humiliated when Nicki reads a quote from Don Quixote and he doesn't recognize it. She shows her disapproval with the always belittling and humiliating: "You haven't read Don Quixote???" Which begs the question: Has J.T. ever read a book ? Does he even know how to read? J.T.'s stock is slipping. Fast.

Questions of the week.
1 As the owner of Crimson Lights, does Kevin force his employees to wear the goth-esque "Free Jana Hawkes" t-shirts? What happens if they refuse ? Will they lose their job?
2. Does Gloria really think that offering Jeffrey a half a million dollars to get him off her back is going to do the trick? Quite the piddly amount considering she's worth millions. Beyotch is greedy. And stupid. And oh yeah, she looks funny too.
3. How does Kevin find the time to do all that he does? He is the owner/operator of the wildly successful Crimson Lights, head web-guy at Jabot, the driving force behind the "Free Jana" campaign, Gloria's full-time henchman, and landlord to his dead-beat friends, Amber and Daniel who live with him. We see Nobel peace prize in Kevin Fisher's future.

Murder, Rape and Incest: Just Another Christmas in Genoa City (Dec. 31-Jan.4)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Admittedly I have dragged my proverbial ass to get this published. Too much chocolate and laying around for one, but also there wasn't a lot this week on the show to inspire me to write anything. In other words, this will probably be a short, and not overly inspiring post. How does that compel you to keep reading?

So Sharon decides to stay with Jack after all. If I hear one more time how great he is with Noah as her excuse to stay with him, I think I will puke. Sharon's real concern should be why Jack didn't see or talk to his biological son over the holidays anyway. Murder, corporate fraud, these can be overlooked. But realistically she should be questioning why she is with someone who frequently talks to himself and when caught claims to be talking to his father's ghost.

Brad the date rapist.
Woman of Genoa City beware! Brad the date rapist is on the loose. Did you see the way he sexually insinuated himself onto Sharon? He calls her into Newman for a "meeting" to discuss a new campaign, only to proceed to harass her. In his role as her "superior" he sits inappropriately close to her with his arm trailing on the back of her chair. He steers the conversation to the personal at every turn, locks the door so they can have privacy, questions her marriage, and then forces a kiss. Does this seem like appropriate behaviour for the office? Brad is a sexual predator. Plain and simple. My advice to all female GCAC members is to not leave drinks unattended at the bar where Brad is frequently planted, knocking back peanuts in that infuriatingly cocky way, waiting for his next victim.

Incest reigns in GC.
Devon tells Neil that he is attempting to set Lily up to get her mind off of Cane. Neil thinks this is a great idea, until of course he realizes Devon's master plan. We will now see Devon set Lily up with a string of questionable suitors, of which none will be appropriate, and when the timing's right, Devon will swoop in as the ideal candidate for Lily. Because as we all know, Devon has always wanted to sleep with his sister.

All of a sudden Cane and Daniel don't seem so bad now, do they Neil?

The new inmate.
Move over Phyllis and Jana, Victor's the new inmate. 2008 was rung in with the sweet words of Detective Sullivan: "Victor Newman, I have a warrant for your arrest!" Better yet was Detective Sullivan's impersonation of Victor's reaction to being arrested: "You get me Michael Baldwin, you got that!", in her best mumbled Germanic accent. Of course, he was only in prison for all of 5 minutes until Nick paid the million dollar bail (for which he only got a flippant little "thank you" from Victor. No mention of paying it back either. I know that when I bailed my father out of prison recently and fronted the million dollars, there was most definitely discussion about being compensated....).

That's it. It's decided. I'm going to be Victor Newman for Halloween next year. And I think all of you should too. He has attained mythical heights of absurdity and it's time a coordinated army of Victors take the world by storm, and what better time to do it than on Halloween. Start planning your Victor costume now.

J.T. the investigator.
So why does J.T. get paid the big bucks again? Oh yeah, I forgot, he doesn't. That's why he's marrying rich. As an investigator, his techniques are questionable, and as we saw this week, sloppy beyond belief. Victor asked J.T. to investigate David Chow to find out all that he may or may not be hiding. What does J.T.'s investigation consist of? Going to the coffee shop, haphazardly running into Paul and almost as an afterthought, asking him what he knows on David Chow. That's it. That's all. Of course, Paul didn't have any additional information, and so J.T. seems to have hit a dead-end. Hmmmm. So much for that Midwestern work ethic.

Questions of the week.
1. How does Phyllis manage to wear sleeveless tops to the office in the freezing Midwestern winter? The heat must be cranked at Newman.
2. What is Jack's campaign manager on? He looks like he's on the tail end of one huge bender a la Hunter S. Thompson. He's now hauled his sorry ass back to Jack to see "what's next", and if Jack is ready to write his low brow tell-all book yet. I have to say though, whatever he's on, its working for him. Ben 's looking pretty relaxed.
3. Whose ghost will we see next? We've been graced with John's ghost on an almost per episode basis, and last week, Nick was led on a Dickensian journey with Cassie as his guide. At times verging on x-rated (we saw some post-coital moments with Phyllis and Nick for example), this journey would have been inappropriate for Cassie of yesteryear. Now she is all grown up, and has somehow matured as a ghost, which is strange because John remains exactly the same. My question though really is, who's ghost will we see next? Dru's? Sheila's? Ji-Min's? And will they have aged like Cassie did? Will Drusilla's ghost have had cosmetic surgery? Will Sheila still look like Phyllis in her paranormal state, or will she morphed back to herself? And will Ji-Min's ghost and Jill still get it on, just like Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze did in "Ghost"? I can see the potter's kiln set up in the boardroom and everything. So much to look forward to, so little screen time.

Victor Yells At Nicki. Again. (Dec. 17-27)

This week Victor was the pompous arrogant son-of-a-you-know-what that we all know and love, all the while ignoring every social convention in the book. There was plenty classic Victor to go around this week, and I reveled in every moment. And thus the highlights:

1. Behavior reserved for mere commoners, Victor deems it unnecessary to identify himself when leaving messages. And thus his message to Michael: "Michael Baldwin, call me as soon as you get this message." Click. Then again, between the mumble and the strange Germanic accent, the act of identifying himself would be nothing short of superfluous.

2. Victor refers to Detective Sullivan as "Detective-whatever-the-hell-her-name- is". If that doesn't spell g-u-i-l-t-y, I don't know what does.

3. When complaining to Neil about the police investigating him, he claims that "the cops and the DA would like nothing more than a rich and famous guy on the stand and I guess that defines me." So much for humility.

4. Victor is caught talking to himself and to no one in particular (as Victor is apt to do): "You want to play with Victor Newman? I've got news for you: I can take all of you on..." Word up.

5. After Victor receives the papers that Nicki will be suing him for a half a billion dollars, he smashes a framed photo of Nicki circa 1985 (the shoulder pads and big hair give away the era, although, Nicki rode that style well into the 1990s...) in slow motion no less. Simply beautiful to watch.

6. Victor has a hissy fit in front of David and Nicki, "You're suing me for half a billion dollars? Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?" He throws a chair against the wall and continues: "You want to play me at my own game? You fasten your seat belt, you're in for the battle of your life; the battle of your pathetic life!" Simply classic.

Catherine works it out.
Catherine Chancellor hits the Genoa City Athletic Club this week for the first time. Dressed in head to toe athletic gear, she makes a deal with Amber to be her personal trainer in exchange for a free gym pass. All the weeks of having to sit through the monotony of Victoria in a coma and Noah's neurotic outpourings at every turn, Catherine doing a few curls with her perfect helmet of hair for protection and her age appropriate workout gear, was the perfect present for each and everyone of us. Although, what we didn't ask for was to hear Catherine say the following: "I have sweated in my life, but I assure you it was in far more pleasant activities..."
Catherine, is that really necessary?

Teach your children well.
Not known for his originality, J.T. shares some of the things that he wants to teach his son:
1. How to catch a ball
2. How to ride a bike.
3. How to have a sense of humour (he'll have to hire one of the writers for that)

With his tendency to lean towards the cliche, nothing on this list is surprising. Clearly, J.T. needs to branch out. Some suggestions of activities he could teach his son:
1. How to roll joints with one hand.
2. How to surf online porn (could always ask Daniel for some tips).
3. How to marry a rich girl.

Summer's First birthday.
Where to begin. First of all did you see the birthday gift that Summer's billionaire grandfather gave her? A toque. Yes, a lousy toque (or a wool hat if you live in the U.S.). Shouldn't someone with the size of his bank account be buying his granddaughter her own private island in the Caymen's? Again, a hat? Shame on you Victor. I see a T-shirt in Summer's future that reads: "My grand-father is Victor Newman, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."

Also, what's up with the scene stealing cupcakes? They had more personality than everyone in the room combined. And did you get a load of how Nick ate his cupcake? With a fork! Who does that? All I know is that real men don't eat cupcakes, let alone with a fork. And if a real man were to eat a cupcake, he would do so in one bite.

Nicki talks pretty.
Nicki uses fancy works when trying to convince Jack to join herself and Chancellor Industries in suing Victor. "I promise you Jack, it would behoove you greatly to help us make our case as strong as possible". Pretty impressive for an ex-stripper wouldn't you say?

Lily the Partier.
Lily tries to prove to Cane how mature she is by claiming that "most girls my age are partying...I'm so over that!" What? When has Lily ever partied? Considering that she never has anything stronger than iced tea and that she is always studying, I'm not sure if she understands what she is saying. Unless of course she considers the time that Kevin and Daniel drugged her as the "partying" phase of her life? At least her best friend, Colleen, was a pothead in NYC for awhile. That I can respect.

Questions of the week.
1. How can one get a copy of the book, Ruthless, that was written about Victor? And if this book does exist as Nicki says, how is it that Victor didn't sue the publisher or buy every issue in existence like he did when Victoria posed as a centerfold and Victor bought up all the issues of the magazine, purchased the publishing company and had the publisher fired?
2. Why does Daniel always get stuck changing Summer's diaper?
3. Where did John get the festive Christmas moose sweater? Did he fetch it from the attic at the Abbott mansion expressly for his next "haunting"? I'm not sure what's scarier, his ghostly appearance, or a grown man wearing such a sweater...

Wish of the week.
More homoerotic workouts with J.T and Cane. Shirtless, sweaty and sharing the intimacy of their inner lives. Could J.T. be trying to make Brad jealous?

Remember When....
Victor hired pop/opera crossovers singers, Il Divo to serenade Nicki? She laments this "romantic" gesture this week, like it was a good thing. If she had any common sense, or any taste for that matter, she should have left Victor then and there.

Victor Gets His Panties in a Wad (Dec. 10-14)

This week Nicki stands up to Victor only to have him retaliate by having her loan called in. When Neil tells David the bad news, David makes the observation that when Victor "gets his panties in a wad, he goes for the jugular". And thus David wins the prize for conjuring up the most provocative image of the week. Nice work, David.

Let me count thee ways.
How many different ways can one respond to "How's Victoria?" Kudos to all those who are asked for trying to provide some variety in their answers:
1. "She's as well as can be expected under the circumstances"
2. "She'll be waking up any day now."
3. "She's a Newman...she's a fighter."

And so on.

Pat answers to token questions. It is obvious that people are moving on and they are asking how Victoria is out of obligation. I think given a little more time that answers will be more like:

"How's Victoria doing?"

1. "Who? Oh yeah, right. Victoria. The one that's upstairs right? Well, she's fine I guess. We've hired around the clock help, so thankfully it's pretty much out of our hands."
2. "She's great thanks to those silk pillowcases she has. Did you know that silk doesn't get dirty? That means we never have to wash them."
3. "How's Victoria doing? The daughter of mine who has been married three times and engaged twice before the age of 35, and is presently unmarried and doesn't know who the father of her child is? The one who is in a coma after being hit with a fake rock at the Clear Springs disaster? She's doing better, thank you."

My gay dads.
So the DNA test results were revealed and J.T. is the father. This is far from the end for Bradley though. While Victoria is in coma, he and J.T. can have free reign to raise the baby on their own. There is no question that Brad and and J.T. make the better couple. And let's face it, Victoria is too selfish to be a mother. She is too busy luxuriating in her coma, with her hair perfectly coiffed and indulging in around the clock care, to look after her baby. Coma shmoma. Victoria is on an extended holiday.

The terminator.
Is anyone else shocked to hear Kevin talking about the people that he knows that can have Jeffrey Bardwell "terminated with extreme prejudice" ? Who are these people that are capable of such a thing? Could it be Gina at the club? How about that guy that was waiting for her the other night so they could go on a date after her shift? Could it be Miguel? Perhaps it is Zapato, or Fisher? We certainly know what those dogs are capable of. Although, my vote does goes out to Jana's murderous brain tumour. It has killed before, and my God it will kill again.

Judgment Day.
Clearly Sharon has a lousy memory, otherwise how can she justify her self-righteous intolerance of Jack's misdeeds? Has it simply slipped Sharon's mind that during high school she was responsible for her mother being paralyzed in an accident? How about the fact that she had a baby at 16? How is it that she has forgotten that she cheated on Nick with Diego the stable hand; made out with her father-in-law; left town to find herself, abandoning her children; had an affair with Cameron Kirsten while her daughter was in a coma after nearly drowning; decided that at one point she wanted to become a stripper; and slept with her brother in-law, Brad Carlton? Somehow Jack lying about the fact that he secretly owned Jabot doesn't seem that bad anymore...

Questions of the week.
1. Do you think Victoria's baby can smell Victor's halitosis through the incubator?
2. Seriously. How many times has it been mentioned how J.T. smells and how he is in dire need of a shower? Poor bastard. And now with the drinking, he must smell like a Texas whorehouse.
3. Why is Kevin always in the boardroom? Does he not have his own office?

Wishlist of the week.
1. The police start looking towards Noah as a suspect in Ji-Min's murder. After all, he has access to both dogs, and with all of the trauma inflicted upon him from the lives of his hyper-dysfunctional parents, he is ready to snap.

Remember when....
Neil and Victoria were engaged? They seem to fail to mention that when they are talking about how Victoria lost a baby before. Even though it was Cole's baby, Neil was going to raise it with Victoria. How is it that Victoria has the ability to rope these men into agreeing to raise her babies when they may or may not be the father? It must be all that Newman money.

Nick Brings Out His Big Gun (Dec.3-7)

In an attempt to bamboozle Phyllis during a video game match, Nick threatens to bring out his "big gun". Back peddling for a G-rated audience, he adds that this would in fact be his "Alien Gun", a reference to the video game, Alien Gun. I tend to think otherwise. This type of comment is a cheap ploy to keep us all from turning off our TVs . Cheap sexual innuendos have a tendency to captivate people's attention. When the going gets rough (and thus the recent writing on Y&R), the sleazy obviously gets going.

Nick Never-Too-Sad-For-Sex-Newman.
Never one to turn down sex, Nick throws caution to the wind (or in this case sorrow to the wind) when our resident half man half beast, Phyllis, seduces him and distracts him from his comatose sister. Unfortunately for us though, we were flashed a close-up of Phyllis' six pack, leaving us to wonder how someone who had a baby mere months ago could possibly possess have such an attribute. Prison has been good to Phyllis indeed.

Victoria is dumped at the Ranch.
What's worse for Victoria? Being holed up at the Genoa City Hospital, or tucked away upstairs in the vortex of the second floor of the Newman Ranch? For Victoria's sake, we can only hope that a nurse-uniform wearing Miguel is up there to keep her company. Something tells me though we aren't going to be allowed up there to see, at least not until Amelie Henele's maternity leave is over.

Heather, champion of the fork.
Heather, the fork wielding, foreign film loving District Attorney alienates Cane for the last time. Could it have been the way she punctuated every sentence with her fork at the Eco-Fundraiser dinner, or the fact that she can read AND watch a movie at the same time? This is was the final straw for Cane. Clearly he is far more comfortable with a 19 year old girl who watches Will Ferrell movies and revels in all that is low brow. Cane's stock is going down, fast.

The Tack(y) House.
I just don't get it . Why do people who are worth millions live in a renovated tack house that is no larger than 2oo square feet of living space? Did you see their "kitchen"? Phyllis barely has enough room to fit Summer's high chair in there. Let's face it, real estate has got to be insanely cheap in old GC, let alone 40 minutes outside of town. What is wrong with these people? Look at Victoria. Well into her 30s and worth millions herself, she has never owned her own place. She lived with her parents on and off for years, as well as in the Tack house, (before the new renovations when they added a second story), Brad's outdated clap trap that looks like the backdrop of a Sears catalogue circa 1982, and most recently, the teenage crash pad known as "The Loft". And look where she is now. Freeloading back at her parents house. Coma or not, this has got to stop.

This week on the incubator cam.
The poor baby was forced to watch through the glass as his grandmother was being massaged by her lover, David. Get a room, Grandma.

Why Neil gets paid the big bucks.
After hanging up the phone with Victor, Karen asks Neil what the problem is. His answer? Are you ready for this?

"There are no problems, Karen, only answers".

Now there's a guy you want working for you! And to think, they almost didn't give him a seat on the board!

Questions of the week.
1. What happened to J.T.? Is he back at the loft getting things ready for when Brad brings the baby home from the hospital so they can start their new life together?
2. Does John have a crush on Sharon? He can't seem to stop talking about how "wonderful" she is to Jack, and how Jack doesn't deserve her. Did you see the way he was practically sitting on her lap in court? How about how he was spying on her when she was staying at the Ranch in an attempt to escape Jack? John's ghost is becoming creepy, and not in that creepy ghost way, but rather in that creepy creep way.

Wish of the week.
Did you see the way Nicki hesitated when the bartender asked her what she would like to drink? It's going to happen, I can feel it. My Christmas wish is coming true before my very eyes. Nicki's going to be back on pills and booze before you can say, "Christmas Miracle".

Lily Channels Her Inner Dru (Nov. 26-30)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

So our favorite-girl-in-a-coma had her baby this week, and it has survived. Wishful thinking on my part would say that this is a sign that this storyline is coming to a conclusion. No such luck. Any hope I had of escaping this torment was dashed when it was revealed in the "teaser" for next week that Victoria will be moved to a long-term care facility. This does not bode well for any of us. I suspect that Victoria will remain in a coma until actress Amelia Heinle is finished her mat leave.

The Incubator Cam.
The POV from Victoria's baby's incubator is priceless. Safe within his incubator, this is a perfect vantage point for him to see Brad silently mouthing words of encouragement through the glass, Nicki trying to take pictures with her digital camera, (only to be blinded by the flash's reflection on the glass), J.T. looking lost in a suit, and so on. Without a doubt, the baby counts his blessings with every breath, most notably for the fact that there is glass and wire separating himself from these people.

Jana Jana Bo Bana.
I pray she and Kevin get married, if only to see Phyllis at her side as her maid of honor. Evidently, the relationship between Jana and Phyllis is more complex than I had originally thought. We never did get to see what went on in their cell when they were alone, and methinks it was not pretty. I suspect there was a little "you sure got a purty mouth" going on , with Phyllis the initiator and Jana the complier. Jana misses this one on one time, and to still feel connected with Phyllis has asked her to be a part of her wedding. As a prison bride she will have to be resourceful. Perhaps she should take a page from Julie Andrews' book from the "Sounds of Music" (an obvious role model for Jana, along with Charles Manson) and make her wedding dress out of prison issued curtains. Oh yeah, I forgot. Prisons don't have curtains.

Genoa City Freeloaders (GCF).
A good name for a Punk band? Perhaps. But unfortunately for Kevin, Genoa City's Finest (GCF) is interchangeable with Genoa City Freeloaders (GCF). Kevin seems to be running more of a charity for the rich and bored than a coffee house. The amount of comped coffee that goes on at Crimson Lights is astounding. And we're not just talking the plain cup of joe that used to be served when Sharon and Nick owned the joint. Now that Genoa City has become such a cosmopolitan and worldly place, they have graduated to the more expensive lattes, cappuccinos, mochas and the like. How does Kevin stay above the red then? My guess is that he's in cahoots with Victor Jr. and his South American cartel of coffee beans and perhaps a little white powder thrown in for good measure.

Nicki the Pill Popper.
Yet another addition to our growing arsenal of action figures. Nicki the Pill Popper is back. She was spotted gobbling up pills outside of the courtroom as she awaited the verdict of whether or not she would be allowed to kill her daughter. I would like more information about these pills. What kind of cocktail has she cooked up this time? Is Dr. Web in on it? He is on the Newman payroll isn't he?

Stoned Nicki. Could it be? Has my Christmas present come early? Stoned Nicki ranks right up there with Make-up-less Nicki and thankfully these two Nickis have a tendency to go hand in hand.

Bunny. Racket. Bunny Racket.
Where did these "nicknames " for Victoria come from? All of these years as Victoria grew up from a snotty-nosed brat, to a snotty-nosed adult, and not once have I heard her called "Racket" by Nick or "Bunny " by her mother. Victoria's coma seems to have had the opposite effect on those around her: people seem to be able to remember every single minute detail of their past with a crystal clear precision. Hell, Nicki even remembered that some 30 years ago, Victoria used to kick her left leg as a baby, just like Victoria's baby now does. A mind like a steel trap our Nicki Newman. Again I ask. What are in those pills?

Y&R Drinking Game, Part 3.
When Victoria's monitor goes off to indicate that death is imminent (and to jostle us all out of our own coma like state), don't take just a drink, but a go to town, drink the rest of whatever bottle it is that you are drinking. You've earned it.

Victoria's BP
The doctor mentioned Victoria's "BP "with the assumption that we all know what BP stands for. The obvious answer of course, is Blood Pressure as this has been an ongoing issue for her (God knows why considering all she does is lie there), but some other possibilities for this acronym could be:

Bi-Polar: Perhaps this is a more appropriate diagnosis for Victoria. After all it does run in the family, thanks to her father.
Bring Pillow: And that they did. A satin one at that. No wonder she doesn't want to wake up, with the comfort of that satin under her perfectly coiffed hair. This pillowcase captivates my attention more than the storyline itself. Does one need a doctor's prescription for such bed linen?
Buy Pickles: Perhaps bringing pickles to Victoria's bedside will bring Victoria out of her coma. Remember how much she loved pickles when she was pregnant? Imagine a pregnant lady, eating pickles? Precious! In professional circles it is commonly known that Dr. Web is doing research at John Hopkins on the highly controversial and experimental pickle procedure to rouse pregnant coma patients. What have they got to lose at this point?
Blatant Punishment: Is that what Doctor Web has ordered for all of us viewers as we are forced to be bedside with a comatose Victoria and her morose entourage week after week?

My gay dads.
Seriously. We shouldn't be that worried about Victoria waking up in order to look after her baby. J.T and Brad have got it covered. Did you see the way they "worked together" this week? Cooperative, and sensitive to each others needs. Brad could move into the loft with J.T. and they could raise the baby there. Victoria, the tribe has spoken.

Faces of Dru.
A "brilliant" new beauty campaign was thought up this week by Jill: Faces of Jabot...the Beauty is You. Sound familiar? Jill, inspired by Lily's "natural beauty", seems oblivious to the existing Dove Campaign for Real Beauty and is setting herself up for yet another lawsuit for Jabot. In an effort to motivate Lily to enter the contest, Colleen encourages her to"channel her inner Dru" -a scary prospect indeed. What does this mean for Lily? Embracing a mental illness? Cultivating an ability to make every single person in the room hate her? Turning herself into an obsessive, jealous, spiteful and violent, verging on psychopathic, hat-wearing weirdo? If so, then bring it on. It's time Lily evolved as a character.

Questions of the week.
1. If one is mentally impaired, do those disabilities carry through when one becomes a ghost? Would that mean then that John Abbot's ghost is still confused? Is that why he keeps showing up?
2. Why are Zapato and Fisher not being questioned for Ji-Min's murder? Dog hair was found on the body, so obviously they did it. Or perhaps it was Jana's brain tumour that did it?
3. Is it just me, or did Amber's disguise place her as a cross between a 1980s Lauren Fenmore and Darth Vader?
4. Is it supposed to be comforting to Brad and J.T. that Noah too was a preemie?

Wish list of the week
1. Starbucks comes to Genoa City and wipes out Crimson Lights.
2. I get invited to be one of Cane's 141 friends on "My Space "

Vocabulary of the week.
The Nick: What the staff at Crimson Lights have named Nick's over-ordered extra-thick strawberry milkshake with whip cream. Yes. For real.