Merry Friggin' Christmas

Another delightful Christmas in Genoa City rolls around with peace, perversity and goodwill spread to all of its denizens. And thus, we learn that Phyllis is responsible for breaking up not one, but two of Sharon's marriages; Esther reveals her inner slut and sleeps with her blind date on the first date (please Lord help us erase that image from our minds); Tyra makes a play for a-married-for-less-than-24-hours-Neil; Phyllis refers to her own son as "hot"; and Lily sucks face with her ex-boyfriend's brother who also happens to be the father of said ex-boyfriend's wive's baby.

Genoa City's Finest Felons.
Christmas in Genoa City read like a rap sheet with many of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) incarcerated. And thus, Adam, Victor, Gloria, River and Mrs. C all spent at least part of the holiday at Genoa City's elusive Silver Bar Motel. And with both Victor and Adam incarcerated at the same time, we were given the rare privilege of witnessing father and son wearing matching prison wear. A Christmas to remember indeed.

Micheal's awful life.
Let's face it. Micheal's life blows goats. Not only does he have to live in god awful Genoa City, but his life is dedicated to providing free legal service to members of his perpetually felonious family. When he asks Lauren: "How does it feel to be married to a man who has not one, but two criminals for parents?", our initial reaction to this seemingly rhetorical question was to feel sympathy for both Michael and Lauren. Upon further reflection though, we remembered Micheal's own criminal past (when he sexually harassed Christine resulting in attempted rape), and how Lauren aided and abetted Gloria and Kevin by concealing knowledge of illegal hacking into security surveillance and computer systems, and that Gloria was the one who tainted the Glo By Jabot face cream. Oh yeah, and who can forget how Lauren shot and killed Sheila Carter? Evidently when one's brain is the size of a walnut, the ability to remember that you have once murdered and raped goes right out the window.

Line of the Month.
When a disturbingly arrogant and spoiled (and newly "grown up"!) Abbey proclaims after Victor buys her a million dollar horse:

"Victor is the best bio-dad ever!"

Where does one begin with a comment like that, really? The moral of the story? Stealing sperm from rich guys most definitely pays off.

What we are truly thankful for.
1. Admitting that he "hated" Sharon's furniture choices, Jack changes Sharon's hideous attempts at contemporary design back to the mansion's pre-American Revolution decor.
2. That the producers of the show have the decency to not show Victor and Ashley "get it on" as it were.
3. For showing Michael weeping like a little girl after River's fraudulent ways are revealed.

Questions of the Month.
1. What did Devon's girlfriend do to deserve the degrading demotion of her name from Roxanne to "Roxy"?
2. Was Nicholas' choice of a French accordion serenade on he and Phyllis' anniversary a tad insensitive since he was just busted for making out with his ex-wife in Paris, the French accordion capital of the world?
3. How pathetic was it that Neil asked J.T. to be his best man? Have they ever had a conversation before? Been in the same room even? Why don't these people have friends? Do we really need to ask that question?
4. Was anyone else disturbed that Phyllis called her own son "hot" and cast him as the cover model for Restless Style's so-called "Hot Man" issue? What would Freud have to say about it?
5. Why is Victor going to D.C. for the inaugural ball? Is he not a Republican?
6. How can Jack lie to John Abbott about him forging Victor's diary? Don't ghosts see and know everything?
7. Since when do carolers choose to sing at trailer parks as they did on Christmas Eve at Murphy's trailer?
8. Since when do GCF read books? Do they really expect us to believe that Lily, Billy, Chloe and Cane, 4 people who can barely put a sentence together, while their afternoons away looking at used books?
9. How will Newman Enterprises weather the economic crisis? Will their be any layoffs? If so, will J.T. be the first to go?