Sunday, November 25, 2007

Chicken Adobo: Friend or Foe? (Nov.19-23)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Worlds without end, this is what we expect from soap operas, except of course when there's a writer's strike. What pray tell will I do when this world I have relied upon to unravel the mysteries of life, cometh to an end, albeit temporarily? How will I pick up the pieces of my own life?

Chicken abozzo.
Is it just me, or was Karen just a little too excited about her chicken adobo dish? She mentioned it countless times, with a passion that was bordering on, well, strange. Instead of having her eat with the Winters on Thanksgiving, it would have been far more entertaining to see her eating her chicken adobo, alone, off of a TV tray as she watched old Rockford Files reruns. Now that's something to be thankful for.

Some of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) gathered at Lily and Devon's and were forced ONCE AGAIN to eat Genoa City Athletic Club take-out (ordered by Neil after another botched cooking attempt by Lily). Neil shared one of the Winters' traditions where "every year we gather around the table and say what we are grateful for". And thus the guests' responses:

Noah: "I am grateful that the drugs are finally working and that my clinical depression has lifted."
Sharon:" I am grateful that I am looking and acting more and more like a Stepford wife. It is important to shed any kind of personality whatsoever as I find it just gets in the way".
Jack: "I am grateful that my own son lives with my ex-wife, Diane Jenkins, and that I don't have any responsibility towards him at all. I am glad that my present wife Sharon is unaware that I have another son".
Karen: "I am thankful for my only true friend in this world, my chicken adobo".
Neil: "I am grateful that Karen still puts out, even though I have an impulsive tick where I can't stop talking about my dead wife."
Cane: "I am thankful that I am a wealthy Chancellor and that I am eating Thanksgiving dinner in this shitty little kitchen, in a shitty little town called Genoa City, with this shitty food from an overrated Athletic Club".
Lily: "I am thankful that even though I was voted as one of the worst soap opera actors on daytime television, I haven't been booted off the show like my best friend Colleen (number 2) was".
Devon: "I am thankful that I have fewer and fewer lines each episode as it gives me more time for whores and coke on my days off".
Chicken Adobo: "I am grateful for all of the air time I have been given, despite my status as an obscure Filipino dish".

Brad Carlton: Guardian to the Fetus
Sounds like a video game doesn't it? In her attempt to save the fetus, Nicki has appointed Brad its guardian. As a video game, I think this really works. I can totally see it. Brad's video game persona would be shirtless (of course) holding a rocket launcher, holed up in the hospital waiting room, blowing away anyone who comes near the fetus. His characters' downfall would be a scantily clad Sharon and randomly planted mirrors that would serve to distract him with his own image.

Jack calls blog readers and video game players losers.
Easy Senator. You're going to alienate 90% of the voters, not to mention your own video game- addicted stepson, Noah. And thus the damning words:

"So every online loser without a life is going to set aside their video games and ignore their blogs long enough to inundate the ethics committee with ignorant indignation."

Yikes. Them's fightin' words.

Phyllis' breasts.
It was great to see Phyllis' breasts at the hospital this week to offer comfort to Victoria and support for Nicholas. Thanks for coming out, but the team doesn't need you this year...

Nick makes coma small talk.
Is it not strange to be asking someone in a coma how their Thanksgiving holiday is going? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't being in a coma kind of like a holiday in itself? No dishes to do, no dry cleaning to pick up, no plants to water, no chicken adobo to make? The downside being of course, is that you are a captive audience and there is no escape from the incessant bedside chatter of your captors.

Genoa City Prison Blues.
Didn't Johnny Cash once play the Genoa City prison? Such would be the perfect pick-me-up for our despondent Jana, freshly abandoned by her abuser and cell mate, Phyllis. As Johnny Cash is no longer available for prison tours, perhaps Danny Romolati could do it? His career is in desperate need of a revival and this could be precisely what he needs.

Questions of the week.
1. Now that Phyllis is an ex-con, will she be able to leave the country?
2. Does it bother Brad that J.T has slept with both his (once) wife and his daughter?
3. Do people in Genoa City ever let their phones go to voice mail, or do they always answer the call, even at the most inopportune times?
4. Does Phyllis actually pay Michael for his hundreds of hours worth of legal fees, or is her "friendship" payment enough?
5. Do Gloria and Kevin seem to be acting less and less like mother son and more like an old married couple?

Wish list of the week.
1. Neil and Karen are out as a couple and Neil and Gina are in. Did you see the kiss (on the lips no less) that Neil planted on Gina when she was able to provide him with take-out turkey? I have a feeling that Gina has more take-out in store for Neil, if you know what I mean.
2. Victoria wakes up soon, before I officially no longer give a shit.

Amber brings it home.
When Daniel invites her to go to the hospital with him for Thanksgiving dinner as an option to her eating alone, she dismisses the idea entirely:

"Oh great, waiting for a comatose pregnant lady to wake-up...give me two helpings of that!"

Couldn' t have said it better myself, Amber.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Gloria Reminds Her Son That She is a Sexual Being (Nov.12-16)

There was a lot of response to the proposed Y&R action figures mentioned in the last post. Here are some of the ideas suggested for additional figures and accompanying accessories:

Reader April's list of possible accessories for the Victor doll is impressive: removable eyeglasses, pitcher and water glasses, window with blinds on stand, portrait of himself, file folders with the Newman Enterprises and Clear Springs logos, anti-seizure medication vial, President's chair, trousers with change in the pockets, punching bag on stand, black tank top, cellphone with "You're Still the One" as Nikki's ringtone, and basketball and hoop. Given the upcoming holiday is approaching, one reader suggested a Christmas edition Victor where one could purchase his snowflake collection with miniature scissors and a drawer to hide them in. For a more high-tech effect, reader Paula, suggested a figure with Victor pointing his finger and a voice that says, "You got that????!!!!"

Let's not forget Daniel and his porn addiction. Reader Lori suggested his action figure come with porn videos (sold separately, of course).

I'm telling you, we're onto something big.

Gloria's make-up
Is it me or is Gloria's make-up taking on a life of its own? Imagine looking at that mess from an inch away as Jeffrey Bardwell has had to this past week in his attempts to bed her.

New Drinking Game.
When the writing becomes truly unbearable as it is apt to do, there is always solace in the Y&R inspired drinking games. We have already established the flip phone game, and now, the "I Get That" game: every time a character attempts the empathetic response of, "I get that", (so very Oprah), take a drink. Hell, take two.

Bedside Nicki.
Ok. I won't be too hard on Nicki because she's had a pretty rough week with the decision to kill her daughter and all, but let's face it, Bedside Nicki is a very scary entity indeed. In addition to the shock it is to see her without make-up, her tightly pulled and greased ponytail has upped the ante. You've got to had it to David Chow for still being interested, especially as this is the second Bedside Nicki he has experienced (Nicholas was the first mere episodes ago). He can't be into her for her money, as she has none left after the Clear Springs debacle.

Clearly, Nicki Newman is good in bed.

Neil "Smooth Operator" Winters.
Neil, you're scaring me. Last week you mentioned your dead wife to Karen in a post-coital moment, and this week, well, let's let your words speak for themselves:

Karen reveals that she will be in town for her favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, and makes an overture to spend it with you. Your response?

"I think I'm going to need that distraction, this is the family's first Thanksgiving without Dru".

A distraction? For the love of God Neil, even if it is true, don't tell her that she is only a distraction to you...

Stop it, you are getting into trouble now.

Best mispronunciation.
As David Chow bites into an apple, Neil tries to impress upon him his highfalutin ivy league education : "It [the apple] is not exactly haute cuisine, now is it?"

Impressive Neil, but too bad you pronounced it as "Hot" Cuisine and not haute cuisine. Must be a Genoan affect, or more likely, an impediment.

Gloria's to do List.
A person's "To-Do" list can be a window into their soul. "Buy cat food", "Dryclean wedding dress", "do taxes", "change oil in car". The author of such a list could be a married cat owner, who drives and is either a law abiding tax payer or is in the process of being audited. So what would the list that Gloria was working on reveal if one were to find it randomly on the street?

1. Get Jeffrey a job in the Hong Kong office.
2. Seduce Jeffrey and get contaminated cream.
3. Frame Jeffrey for a crime.
4. Continue to live with son and his new wife despite the fact that I am worth millions.
5. Remind my youngest son that I am a sexual being.
6. Get another face lift.


She's crafty.
Phyllis gets out her sexual frustration through making prison crafts consisting of a badly made pillow for Victoria and an equally hideous dollhouse for her daughter. What's next? A prison made porno movie for her son? A crocheted muzzle for Noah? A new portrait of Victor to replace the one in his office? Phyllis, for everyone's sake, do not quit your day job.

Questions of the week.
1. Who stocks the fridge in the Break Room at Newman Enterprises? Is it a free for all, or do employees have to contribute to a fund? And if so, how do the employees feel about guests like Lily helping themselves to whatever they want at each visit?
2. Is it really that "funny" or "cute" that most of the women on the show are bad cooks? How many "jokes" have there been about how Phyllis, Lily, Victoria, Gloria and Colleen are unskilled in the kitchen? Is being a modern woman and being able to cook mutually exclusive?

Wish list.
1. Jana realizes that she's in an abusive relationship with Phyllis, that Phyllis is her oppressor, sheds the Mary Poppins routine and kicks some serious prison ass.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Displaced Gas (Oct.31-Nov. 9)

This blog will be published weekly on Mondays.

So the theory of what caused the Clear Springs disaster has finally been explained. Desperately needing a "Victor to English" Dictionary, it was difficult to decipher the details, but from what I can gather, Genoa City's Finest (GCF) went up in an ignited earth fart.

Victoria's coma.
Please, please Victoria, for our sakes, wake up. No more bedside anecdotes about how Victor hired a plane to "skywrite" a message for you to come home when you ran away as a child. Clearly, Victoria, you are contemplating checking out, and how can we blame you when these people populate your world?

Anymore bedside "chats" and I will be slipping into a coma myself.

A morphing Nicki Newman.
Is it just me, or does the make-up less Nicki look more and more like Paul Williams with each episode?

Victor drills for gas.
Everyone keeps speaking of Victor drilling for gas. I know logically that they are referring to the fact they hired crews to do it for him, but an image of him drilling shirtless, wearing his jeans and his hard hat, keeps coming to mind. The writers have surely missed a golden opportunity.

Paul's briefcase. *
How many years have we had to endure Paul's metal briefcase? I can remember as far back as when he was with Christine, so over 10 years? This style of attache screams, I am a power player, but a little bit different than your average corporate type. Or simply, I am carrying explosives.

Lily Winters. The Young and the Talentless.
Recently, Christel Khalil was nominated as one of the worst actors on daytime television. Her fake eyelashes have more range than she does. Poor Lily. First her mother dies, then her marriage breaks up, then an overwhelming bout of loneliness, and now this.

Lauren chooses sex over Enrique Iglesias performance.
I have a whole new respect for Lauren. She practically begged Michael to not go to Enrique's "sold-out" show at Indigo and stay home. She even tried to entice him with sex. Michael would have none of it. In the end she had to go and endure the "Clear Springs Relief Benefit" with a resulting panic attack. The funds raised from the audience of 30 must have been staggering.

So many sideways glances, so many dissolves, so little time.

Kindly stop.
Have you ever noticed how often Victor uses the word kindly? "Kindly shut the door behind you", or "Kindly get the hell out of here", or "Kindly trim my moustache a little more on the left", or "Kindly cinch my jeans up higher around my waist."

Victor, for the love of God, kindly stop saying kindly.

Maggie's mysterious stomach pain.
They are trying to pass off the fact that this pain is caused by an old gunshot wound inflicted by Phyllis, I mean Sheila. I don't think this is the cause. I think that it is more likely a reaction to Paul admitting that the best concert he's ever seen was Steely Dan.

The most overused phrase of the week:
The whole time I was trapped down there, I .......

Possible theory: *
Are they setting Cane up to be the next Victor? Think about it:
1. They were both orphans
2. They both have unidentifiable accents that vary in strength and origin.
3. Both are prone to mumbling
4. Both abused as children (well, Cane abused in the sense that he had no running water and had to live in the outback of Australia)
5. Both good with the ladies (or so they think)

Y&R Action figures.
Think about the possibilities. Collect them all. Esther in her maid outfit. Larry Warton with his wife-beater singlet and tool set (sold separately), Colleen 1,2 and 3, Devon and his cochlear implant (sold separately), Noah complete with smoothie, Zappato carrying a shoe, Miguel carrying Victor's slippers. The Victor doll would be the most coveted. It would come with removable "masks" that would illustrate the complexity of his character: Angry Victor, Sad Victor, Remorseful Victor, etc. The box would read: "He yells! He mumbles! He cries! He skywrites messages! He flower arranges! He assaults people! He dials in his performance!

Dru Who?
Well, Neil has officially moved on, as sex with another woman would indicate. But has he? Moments after "making love" to Karen (god, give me the strength to endure), he mentions his dead wife. Real smooth Neil.

Wish List:
1. John Abbott's ghost would appear with a sheet over his head like a real ghost. *
2. Sharon keeps the limp. This affect could lend a sort of Lynchian influence to Sharon's increasingly benign character. Think Patricia Arquette in Lynch's Lost Highway.
3. Victoria wakes up from her coma so Nicki will start wearing make-up again.

Questions of the week.
1. How much longer until Devon's hearing is cured and his cochlear implant removed? *
2. Where is Miguel? Is he waiting in the pantry, denied bathroom breaks, waiting, waiting, for any request that the Newman's may require of him?

Remember when...
Kevin Fisher was a creep who preyed on underage girls via the internet? Those were the days indeed.

Vocabulary of the week.
mise-en-abîme: Most any "story-within-a-story" situations can be called an example of mise-en-abîme. A literary term denoting self-reflection. Remember that old Quaker Oats box, with the picture of the Quaker holding a box of Quaker Oats, which in turn pictures a Quaker holding a box of Quaker Oats ad infinitum?

An example of mise-en abîme occurs when J.T reassures a comatose Victoria that he has been certain to record her favorite show for her: "that horrible guilty pleasure that only Nick and I know about...God forbid you should ever miss an episode." Sound familiar? Is not Y&R all of that and more for us poor addicted saps? They were referring to us. Are we being mocked?

* Inspired by observations made by friend, Jen.

Friday, November 9, 2007


Due to being completely speechless after the Enrique Iglesias appearance, my next post will not be until Monday, Nov.12th.

In case you were wondering, I will be posting once a week on Mondays, with a full analysis of the previous week's episodes.