Sunday, February 24, 2008

Victoria Hates Motherhood (Feb. 18th-22nd)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Thankfully a lot happened this week, swaying us from our desire to abandon the show altogether. Not one, but two new sets (the bedroom at the Loft and the new warehouse space for the online magazine); new decor (aka a few new pieces or furniture J.T. purchased for the house at the ranch) ; a new character (Victor Jr.); a death (Hope's--thank goodness); Victoria's realization that she hates motherhood and is also friendless; Nick's flaunting of the same metal briefcase as Paul; and a new business to rival Newman and Jabot (the online magazine), making Genoa City the power trio of business that it has always aspired to be.

Death schmeth
Is it just us, or is a one day turnaround a surprisingly short amount of time allocated to the grieving of one's mother? Victor Jr. is either incredibly resilient or totally self-absorbed. We found it disturbing to see him having moved on so quickly (to include a move to a new city, the commencement of a new job , and a serious flirtation with Genoa City's resident half man/ half beast, Phyllis Newman). What is most disconcerting to us though, is that his choice of drink when cozied up at the bar at the GCAC was ginger ale. Like our mothers always told us: Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

A brave new world.
After many weeks of deliberation, Nick, Phyllis, Sharon and Jack finally came up with a name for their revolutionary-never- been- done- before (!) online magazine. The winning choice?

"Restless Style".

Good luck with that. Really, we mean it . Good luck.

Mommy dearest.
Victoria's first and only day alone with her baby was nothing short of traumatizing. This day with Reid was spent in a fog as she wandered aimlessly between the only four venues in town: Crimson Lights, Jabot, Newman, and the Genoa City Athletic Club. Bored and restless, she reached out to her one and only friend, a mysterious Sabrina who lives in Italy. This "best friend" (whom we've never seen) ignores Victoria's two emails thereby sending her into a tailspin of existential angst. Instead of running back to work at her first moment of boredom, could she not have pursued her hobbies more fully? What happened to her love of painting that she cultivated when she lived in Italy? And her talents of making medieval reliquaries out of materials from the dollar store? Couldn't these hobbies, in addition to time with her baby, have been fulfillment enough?

Reid, who by our calculations is still a new born (given he was born prematurely less than 3 months ago when Victoria was only 6 months pregnant), will now be passed off to a nurse. Which begs the question...why did Victoria want this baby so badly?

Amber the spin doctor.
Amber explains to Katherine why she likes Daniel :
1. He is impulsive
2. He is artsy
3. He is drifting through life
4. He doesn't really think things through
5. He puts himself in 100% and then he's got to work his way out of a mess

This is fundamentally where we here at It Never Ends and Amber differ: where we see red flags, she sees green lights. Also, since when has Daniel been considered artsy? Is that what the blonde wig is supposed to represent...artsiness? This sudden evolution of character makes sense though as Malcolm is clearly not coming back (after all he has graduated to Night Time TV), therefore there is a vacancy for a sleazy fashion photographer extraordinaire. Our prediction is that Daniel will be hired to shoot Lily when she becomes a "supermodel."

Questions of the week.
1.Is the metal briefcase the requisite accessory for the self-employed? First Paul, the only independent contractor in GC had one, and now with his new venture of his own, Nick has purchased one as well. Or perhaps Paul and Nick are sharing a briefcase to cut down on costs? If you notice they are never in the same scene at the same time with the briefcase in question...
2. Is Katherine actually paying Amber to record her life story, or does Amber have to listen to Katherine's "unique" take on love and loss for free?
3. Is Victor Jr. going to attempt to organize a coup at Newman and overthrow Victor?
4. Does Victoria and J.T.'s bedroom seem strangely out of place with the rest of the decor at the Loft? Somehow it seems too mature to be a part of what is the inherent immaturity that the loft embodies. (Although, this is all moot as they have now moved to the ranch house...) Our guess is that Amber will be the next resident of the loft. Why waste a perfectly good set?
6.Why is it so maddening that J.T. and Victoria have moved into Sharon and Nick's old house at the Ranch? Why did we feel a silent rage well up inside us when this was decided? Is it because it shows a complete lack of imagination on behalf of J.T. and Victoria? Or is it perhaps that the producers have blown their production budget on the new magazine space, and that two new sets would be far too outrageous for a show that has an average viewer ship of 7 million people per episode? And lastly, what is this business of Victor selling it to them and not letting them just live there? Is the mortgage at the ranch not paid off? Does this then mean that Victor bought the house back from Sharon and Nick? How can these people be so simple and so complicated all at the same time?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Finest of Genoa City's Deadbeat Dads and Unfit Mothers (Feb. 11-15)

This blog is published on Mondays.

This week it became glaringly apparent that family values among Genoa City's Finest (GCF) have as much worth as a can of cat food. With only 2 weeks out of her coma, and a baby she hardly knows, Victoria expresses her intention to go back to work; Phyllis reveals that she owns a vacant penthouse apartment and doesn't offer her down -and- out son to live there; Hope's dying wish is to have her son promise that he'll let Victor into his life (a request you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy) ; Nicki admits to her daughter that she wanted to have her killed while she was in a coma; and Gloria continues to place her son as an accessory to all of her crimes. Isn't it time that someone called social services?

Baby? What baby?

Despite being in a coma and having missed the first few months of her son's life, Victoria is planning her return to work. She has spent all of a week with her baby-- a week with many distractions at that: learning how to walk and speak again, a wedding, as well as a move from the Ranch to the Loft. How much quality time has she spent with Reid, really? Our guess is under 24 hours in total, and she's ready to go back to work already: "I'm not meant to sit around", she claims (after all, that's what one does when they're a mother isn't it? Sit around, eat bon bons and watch, ahem, soaps operas?) Get back to work Victoria, God knows you need the money more then you need to spend time with your premature baby that you barely know.

The million dollar question.
Victor Jr., nails it right on the head after learning that Victor is his father. He asks Hope: "What kind of man stays away from his own son?" The answer? A Genoa City man. And thus Victor, Paul, Jack, and Danny have all made a point of showing little or no interest in their son's lives. Victor not knowing that his son went to Harvard and currently works on Wall St. is perplexing, as is Paul's lack of involvement in his son Ricky's life (especially considering he is currently dealing with the fallout of the lifelong neglect of his daughter, Heather). Then there's Jack, a man who definitely adheres to the "stay away from your son philosophy", as he never even mentions the son he shares with Diane Jenkins. Next up? Danny Romalotti, who "raised" Daniel by shipping him off to boarding schools while he toured the world spreading musical mediocrity. And where is he now when his son is in such dire need of hairstyle advice? Finally, Malcolm recently learns that he is in fact Lily's father, and as he is currently M.I.A, indicates that he does not give a you-know-what about his daughter. It is apparent that child neglect or rather, child forget, is simply an accepted social norm in Genoa City.

Freedom fries anyone?
Ignoring the disdain of the current Bush administration for all things French, Lily creates her own "Night in Paris" for Cane, at where else but the Genoa City Athletic Club. There she played French music, donned French lingerie and screened French movies (we were disappointed to see that it was not the One Night in Paris video of Paris Hilton fame), and tried desperately to impress him with a little parlez-vous-ing. Lucky for her, Cane doesn't know a word of French and was unaware of her impassioned butchering of the language that she claims to know so well.

New drinking game.
Every time Phyllis shows her signature insincere enthusiasm with a "definitely, yeah definitely", take a drink.

Questions of the week.
1. Is it just us, or is Nick reinventing history? When Nick claims that the new warehouse space for their online magazine is "the total opposite of every other stuffy office space I've ever worked in", we scratch our heads. Where pray tell has he ever worked besides Newman Enterprises? What other "offices" is he talking about? His office in the back of Crimson Lights? Or perhaps he said orifice and not office?
2. Why does Gloria deem it necessary to physically compile a list of people coming to her dinner party when she only has 4 people in her life?
3. It could have been all of that Kansas air, but is an all-in-black wearing Victor slowly morphing into the man-in-black himself, Johnny Cash? We could only hope. (Get it, Hope?)
4. The appearance by Pat Benatar at Neil's club this week begs the question: how has Neil cultivated such an impressive guest list of Z-listers to his club?

Wish of the week.
With the pressure of being "thin" as a Fresh Face of Jabot model, Lily embarks on a full blown eating disorder. Our wish is that her method of choice will be bulimia for in order to develop this story line properly it would require a Y&R first: a bathroom set.

Trivia to trivialize.
In the 1976 film Taxi Driver, Travis Bickle (Robert Deniro) kicks his TV while watching a scene from Y&R between Jill and Brock. In other words, Y&R is not recommended viewing for the mentally unstable.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

We're Not In Kansas Anymore. We're in Genoa City. (Feb.4-8th)

This week on Y&R there were some very questionable choices in the hair and cosmetic surgery departments. Most notable was Daniel's hair: a badly damaged bleach blonde rat's nest that channeled part Rod Stewart and part Rutger Hauer of Blade Runner. Jana was the next victim with what looked like a perm (are they allowed to do those anymore?) accented with hooker-ific purple hair extensions. We strongly believe that Jana needs to go back to her "prison look"consisting of the simple, yet always sophisticated chenille knot. And then there was Hope (or perhaps more appropriately, Despair) who was nothing short of a mess of bad cosmetic surgery decisions. Botox? Check. Restalyn? Check. Cheek implants? Check. What surprises us here at It Never Ends is that a blind person would know that they needed any work done, let alone care. And how does a woman who lives on a destitute farm in Kansas afford all of these procedures anyway? Did she re- mortgage the farm? Clearly, Hope/Despair is not in Kansas anymore. She's in Los Angeles.

Gloria's taste rears its ugly head.
Jack compares Gloria's taste to that of a Hollywood Madam, but we believe her taste has more in common with Rick James: major bling, a big gold G (hung on the wall in the Abbott living room), a huge portrait of herself over the mantle, fur, black leather, and of course obscene amounts of plastic surgery. She's a very freaky girl indeed.

Victoria gets married and somehow we're supposed to care.
As this was wedding number three for Victoria, it was difficult for us to get into the spirit. It did not help matters that we were privy to a most uninspired wedding decor as well as a French speaking Victor (to what we assumed to be a French wedding planner). These scenes had quite the opposite effect, and made us want to boycott the wedding altogether. So when our PVR accidentally didn't record the episode in question, we were relieved. What we did regret not seeing though for the umpteenth time was Noah as the ring bearer (as all the adults in his life play musical partners). We are truly saddened that we missed the image of Noah awkwardly carrying the satin pillow up the aisle-- a role traditionally reserved for boys half his age. Poor bastard.

Heather the DA: short for Dumb Ass
If Heather is so concerned about her career tanking, perhaps she should choose to not spend her time with felons as she did when she attended a party at Kevin's with Jana, Amber and Daniel (all of whom have been either prosecuted/investigated/charged by the DA's office). Not to mention being seen in public with the likes of Daniel's hair: that can't be good for anyone's career.

Questions of the week.
1. Why do the people who live in Genoa City not have any friends? Except for a few friendships that have been nurtured over time (think Katherine and Nicki, or Daniel and Kevin), other characters are not so endowed in the friendship department. This was clearly illustrated when J.T. had to ask Paul to be his best man, and Victoria had no choice but to ask Phyllis to be her "matron" of honour, someone she hated passionately before she slipped into a coma.
2. Can someone please tell us that J.T. and Victoria are not seriously moving back to the loft? What is wrong with these people? We have belabored this point to death, but my god, Victoria is worth millions and her choice of residence is a shitty rented loft in the bad part of Genoa City? Which begs the next question, with all that money, what the hell is she doing living in Genoa City anyway?
3. How great was it that Victor was compared to Tony Soprano this week by Nick? Why didn't we come up with that?
4. Who knew that not having a high school diploma, as well as having a career in stripping could prepare you to be the CEO of a major cosmetics company? Nicki Newman, a true inspiration.
5. Why does Victor have to ask Hope where Victor Jr. lives? As a man who "cares deeply about family", shouldn't he know this information?

Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Genoa City Economy Grinds To a Halt

With the bulk of GCF (Genoa City's Finest) now unemployed (namely Jack, Sharon, Phyllis Nick), the economy in Genoa City is about to crash. Clearly Phyllis is concerned about Nick's work ethic as he remains contentedly at home wearing the requisite uniform of the unemployed: a wife-beater, eating the requisite dish of choice of the unemployed: potato chips and drinking the requisite beverage of the unemployed: beer. The hope is that Nick will be able to handle the payments on the mortgage on the Tack(y) House and that he isn't dealing with a sub-prime mortgage. Without his dad's backing and a questionable work ethic, he could be in serious trouble. No wonder Phyllis looked so panicked.

Post-coma Victoria ignores J.T.

Victoria finally wakes up after months of being in a coma, and doesn't so much as look at J.T. After meeting her baby for the first time, she has an intimate moment with Nicki, and then Victor and then Nick, all the while J.T. waits patiently in the wings. Nothing. Finally a day or two later, she acknowledges him, and then promptly falls asleep. So much for presence, J.T.

Mrs. C's mind remains firmly planted in the gutter.
In addition to last week's nostalgic reminiscing about stable boys of yore, this week Katherine demonstrates that at all times, no matter how serious the issue is at hand, her mind is always in the gutter. And serious this week's issue was, as it had to do with her health. After a "mini-stroke", her doctor advises her to "refrain from doing anything that you shouldn't be doing." Her response? "Ahhhhhhhh, I wish that statement meant what it used to..." Katherine, you are officially making a fool out of yourself.

Amber blows her job interview.

Speaking of gutters, Amber blows her chance of getting out of the gutter that has become her life (namely working at Crimson Lights for minimum wage, and freeloading off of Kevin). In a frenzy of narcissistic self-absorption, Amber blows her chance at being the executive assistant to Jabot's CEO (aka Nicki), in an informal interview with Nicki and Katherine:
Amber: "I want the job, you don't know what the chance means to me, but I just can't take it.
Katherine: 'Why not?"
Amber: "Because Jabot is where-you-know-who-works."
Katherine: "You have to learn to deal with that on a professional level."
Amber: "Oh No, that won't work. He's (Cane) like is a bad addiction, he's my drug and I just need to stay away from him, I have to detox. "
Katherine: "You control your emotions, you control your feelings"
Amber: " Not when it comes to him. You have seen what I'm capable of, it's best just to stay away."

How would you like to have that piece of work as your personal assistant? Nicki certainly dodged a bullet there.

J.T. head of security.
J.T. is belittled once again by the Newmans as Victor considers his P.I. wage insufficient for raising a child. He emasculates J.T. further by offering him a job at Newman as "Head of Security", or more appropriately, Head of Insecurity.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
Victoria shares her desire to wear her mother's wedding dress when she marries J.T. And thus the damning dialogue:

Victoria: "Mother, can I wear your wedding dress?"
Nicki: "Which one?"


Questions of the week.
1. Is there a Craig's List for Genoa City? If so, is this where Nick will look for new employment?
2. Why is Amber's phone so big? Is it all the fake encrusted jewels on it that trick the eye into thinking it is bigger than it is?
3. Did Victoria get collagen lip implants while she was in a coma? If so, who did the treatment? Miguel?
4. Is it just us, or since Gloria has been married to Jeffrey, she has been looking more like the Bride of Frankenstein?
5. Why do people even bother looking at the menu at the Genoa City Athletic Club? One would think that they would have it memorized after eating three square meals a day there every day, 365 days a year, year after year.
6. Why does Adrian Corbell even bother trying to talk books with anyone who frequents the Genoa City Athletic Club, or lives in Genoa City, for that matter? After asking Paul and Maggie "which books they have on their nightstands right now", he is left with the pitiful answer from Maggie: "Something about my inner child", and Paul: "A remote and an empty beer bottle. But I read the label on the beer bottle". No wonder Heather doesn't want anything to do with Paul.