Saturday, May 31, 2008

Victor Finds His Animal Spirit (May 26-31)

Who knew that having your very own sweatshop could be so hip? Evidently Jabot does. First they revealed that they find their Malaysian sweatshop workers wages of .08/hr too rich for their blood and then Jill announced this week that she layed people off who "have been working for Chancellor Industries since the 80s." If our math is correct, these poor saps devoted the best years of their lives (30 or so), and Jill simply discards them as if she were ridding of a pesky fly? What pray tell is going on at Jabot? Are we supposed to be impressed by this unabashed wielding of power and exploitation? Is it considered acceptable because it is women making these decisions?

Another highlight this week, with no irony lost on us of course, was that David bet large and lost large on a horse called, brace yourselves, Nimble Nicki. Yes, Nimble Nicki.

The end of Paggie. The end of Maul.
So it's confirmed: Maggie and Paul are over. J.T. confirmed what we all suspected was true through a comment to Paul about being single. What the hell? Did we miss something? Did Maggie get fired from the force? Did she get fed up with Paul obsessing over his ex, Nicki's relationship? Was it the hair plugs? The fake tan? The metal briefcase? The halitosis? We the motoring public deserve to know, dammit.

If Victor had an animal spirit, what would it be?
After spending a cool $12 million on Damien Hirst's shark, it became apparent that Victor's animal spirit could indeed be the notorious predator. Admittedly, we love Victor's facile commentaries on the world around him, especially since they always seem to be in reference to himself. And thus:

"Sharks are fearless, and inspire fear" (like you , right Victor???).

"A relationship is like a shark, you need to keep moving forward to stay alive" (to include moving forward from Nicki to bed your daughter's best friend?).

We quite agree that the shark is very apropos as a metaphor for Victor, especially given how sharks A) don't care for their babies after they are born (sound familiar, Victor?) and B) eat other sharks (Victor is a man eater in his own right). Does this then mean that Victor has replaceable teeth as well? Impressive though that Sabrina was able to woo Hirst's shark from the MET considering it is on loan there until 2010. From The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York to The Victor Newman Gallery in Genoa City. Talk about a demotion.

Would you like some Tourettes with your Asbergers?
Adam, unable to control himself YET AGAIN, unleashed another gravely inappropriate comment this week when he told J.T. that he was nothing but a "rent-a-cop in a nice suit". This was topped by his opening line to Heather at the GCAC gym: "Nice glutes" (translation: "nice ass"). These comments are consistent with his ongoing, and unrestrained critique of everything GCF (Genoa City's Finest). For our team of experts here at It Never Ends, there is still some confusion over a diagnosis for Adam. Could it be Tourettes, or Aspergers?

The case for Aspergers:
Persons with Aspergers Syndrome show marked deficiencies in social skills. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language), and very often the individual has difficulty determining proper body space. As they perceive the world differently, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and not the result of "improper parenting".
(Lucky for Victor, he can now wash his hands like he is so apt to do).

The case for Tourettes:
Tourette syndrome (TS) is an inherited disorder of the nervous system, characterized by a variable expression of unwanted movements and noises (tics), [
or in the case of Adam] manifests in the expression of socially inappropriate comments or behaviors.

Whatever condition Adam has (we suspect a bit of both), let's hope he doesn't get treated for it. It is way too enjoyable to hear him tell GCF like it is.

Dialogue of the week.
In our opinion, the scenes between Michael and his mother are always worth revisiting, and this week we were not disappointed. And thus the winning dialogue:

Gloria: Where am I supposed to sleep?
Michael: I pictured you hanging from the rafters wrapped in your own leathery wings...


In response to Gloria being fired by Jill:

Michael:I'm not surprised that Jill fired Gloria, I'm just surprised it took so long. I mean, would you keep an employee who worked a solid 40 hours a year?

Questions of the week.

1. Have you noticed that since Nicki got her own office, that Jill no longer has an office and is now forced to set up shop in the boardroom? Coincidence?No wonder Jill's so pissed off with Nicki.
2. Does Sabrina know that her new assistant, Jana, is a murderer and an ex-felon?
3. Is it still considered sexual harassment when it's your ex-husband harassing you? Is Victoria going to have to slap a sexual harassment suit on Brad now that they will be working together at Jabot? As a serial sexual harasser, Brad better watch out. Victoria is in no mood.
4. Does it not seem odd to have Adam and Heather brag to each other about their ivy league accomplishments at Harvard and Princeton respectively, when in reality these actors have probably never finished high school?
5. Why can't Lauren help Gloria out? Shouldn't she be worth millions as the sole heir to the Fenmore Department store chain? And likewise, why can't she offer Gloria a job at the boutique rather than pawn her off at the coffee shop? What happened to the boutique? Has the set been used for Nicki's new office?
6. Was anyone else disturbed that Lily and Cane "made love" on the couch despite the fact that she currently has two roommates?

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Genoa City's Finest Go Waco

Big news in Genoa City this week as Nicki finally gets her own office (most likely at the expense of the profits made from the .08/hour they are paying their Malaysian sweat shop workers, as revealed by Brad); Heather Steven’s hair is taken to heights of absurdity as she takes style tips from My Little Pony; Adam inevitably receives the wrath of his new father after acquiring a company with a lawsuit pending from Jabot; David is revealed to be a killer (scene killer undoubtedly) ; and Nick regains his memory and still decides to stay with his half man/half beast of a wife, Phyllis.

Manson. Jones. Koresh. Newman?
Daniel's attempt to leave GC for a mere two months to go on tour with his has-been rock star father was met with nothing short of panic. A 21 year old who wants to leave his shit-ass town for 2 months to go see the world with his father? Is this such an unreasonable request, really? Phyllis acted like he was going off to do a tour in Iraq for god's sakes. This extreme reaction seemed eerily reminiscent of the resistance one would face when trying to
leave a cult. So it begs the question: are Genoa City's Finest (GCF) part of a cult? Further research allowed us to compile a list of the criteria for what constitutes a cult, and upon perusal, we are convinced. And thus the list:

  • Charismatic or messianic leader who is self-appointed and has a special mission in life (think Victor, whose special mission is to make money no matter what and to belittle and undermine all those around him in the process)

  • The leader is not accountable to any authorities (think Victor who has been notoriously seen as living above the law).

  • Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished (hence anyone who has ever questioned or disagreed with Victor is obliterated either professionally, financially or emotionally)

  • Instills a fear of leaving the group (and thus the panic that surrounds anyone who tries to leave the we've seen with Daniel last week)

  • Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members (and thus the cesspool of incestuousness that is Genoa City)

  • Diminished intellectual ability, vocabulary and sense of humour (with each episode this becomes more and more of an issue for GCF)

  • Reduced use of irony, abstractions and metaphors. (ditto)

  • Reduced capacity to form flexible and intimate relationships (where would the show be without this as a premise?)

  • Poor judgment. (A prerequisite for all of GCFs)

  • Physical deterioration. (Katherine Chancellor)

  • Malnutrition. (Only choice of sustenance for GCF is the food at the Genoa City Athletic club, and Gina - do not underestimate her powerful role in this cult - ensures that members are deprived of the necessary nutrients as a tactic for keeping them disorientated and susceptible to emotional arousal and vulnerability).

  • Hallucinations, panic, guilt, identity diffusion and psychosis (Hallucinations? Think Jack with his father’s ghost. Think Jana and her brain tumour. Panic? Think Lauren and her panic attacks. Guilt? Think Jana and Gloria, Nick, Paul, hell everyone, except for of course, leader Victor. Identity Diffusion? Psychosis? Where do we begin?

  • Verbal abuse (A passion and skill for leader, Victor)

  • Sleep deprivation and fatigue (is it a coincidence that GCFs are all self-proclaimed workaholics?)

  • Sexual promiscuousness (no comment)
Dialogue of the week.
Victor's reference to David Chow as a "professional parasite."

Does that make Victor a professional asshole then?

Questions of the week.
1. How can Nick and Sharon work with Daniel knowing that he was inadvertently responsible for their daughter's death?
2. Three words. Danny Romalati's groupies? Two more words. Yeah right. Please tell us, whom or rather what would want to sleep with Danny anyway?
3. How did Nicki feel when she received some shitty pesos from David as "memorabilia" for their wedding, when she endowed him with an expensive watch?

Monday, May 19, 2008

To Reach or To Retch: That Is the Question

Jack could not have summed it up any better: will people reach for Restless Style when given the opportunity, or will they retch? Our prediction? Most likely both, reaching first, and then retching after viewing. We agree that it was a good "business" move to give Lily the boot and to go with an actual model for the cover. It's probably the best business move they've made since, well, ever. Not that hiring Amber wasn't, or Phyllis' son, Daniel, a porn addict and former felon to work as a photographer, or calling in Kathy Hilton to provide advice for their first issue... although, we do think Snoop Dog would have been a much better choice. (Yes, we are still bitter that he made an appearance on One Life to Live. And who does Y&R get? Kathy Hilton. Gawd).

Newest Drinking Game.
To continue in our series of drinking games for Y&R, not only has Sabrina inspired a renewed interest in Viagra for Victor, she has inspired a new way for us to ease the pain of watching their relationship blossom. Every time she says "mon cheri/mon amour" (or a variation thereof) to her octogenarian lover, take a drink. God knows, we all need one after having to endure him eat her face like a cat slurping up canned food from a bowl.

Line of the Week.
Surprisingly it came from David-I-have-zero-personality-and-the-most-interesting-thing -about-me-is-that-have-a-gambling-problem-Chow, when he and Nicki arrive in Mexico to get married only to discover that the villa advertised in the pamphlet wasn't anything like the place in reality. And thus David's query:

"What's Spanish for "you've been punked?"

Come to think of it, it is rather apropos that David quote Ashton Kutcher, as Nicki and David are a little bit like Demi and Ashton themselves (in terms of age difference and the women both having F***ed up children).

Keep it up David, and you may redeem yourself to us yet.

Nicki And the Unwashed Masses.
Sounds like a punk band? Perhaps. But this week Nicki Newman was nothing short of traumatized as she was forced to rub shoulders with the aforementioned masses, in economy class no less! Those wacky poor people! When will they ever learn? But so entertaining! Take for example the woman who insisted she sit between Nicki and David. Not only was she completely mentally ill, but she also brought her meowing cat on board with her! She then fell asleep on Nicki's shoulder and snored something fierce! Where in the world would we be without those affable yet offensive plebes! Bravo! What a story for Nicki to tell the other Genoa City's Finest (GCF) at the Athletic Club!

Questions of the week.
1. Seeing Nicki open up to the possibilities of economy class, it got us thinking of other forms of public transportation. Is there a Genoa City Public Transit Authority (GCPTA)? If so, has anyone ever taken it? Is it possible to take a bus out to the Chancellor Estate for example? How about out to the Genoa City University? A direct connection to the Tack(y) house? If Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are so concerned with going "green" as both Jabot and Newman would have us believe with their green product lines, then maybe they should get out of their SUVs and take the bus. We would pay good money to see Mrs. C or Victor riding the bus. Again, to think of what crazy and "entertaining" people they could discover as they are forced to rub shoulders with Genoa City's Worst (GCW).
2. What kind of stepmother will Sabrina be to Adam, Victoria and Nick? Is she prepared to be Abby's step-grandmother as well?

Sunday, May 4, 2008


We here at It Never Ends will be in Genoa City this week and the next for interviews at both Jabot and Restless Style (Newman wouldn't see us due to security issues-evidently J.T. is doing a bang-up job), so there will be no posts, this Monday, or the next. En route there was a mix-up [the pilot of our private jet read QC (Quebec City) instead of GC (Genoa City)], with us ending up in the French speaking province instead, albeit momentarily. The upside was that we were were able to catch an episode of Y&R on the flight, en francais no less, titled as "Les Feux D'Amour" (The Fires of Love). Finally...some decent French spoken in Genoa City...