Sunday, January 27, 2008

Miguel Packs Nicki's Panties.

This blog is published on Mondays.

It felt like absolutely nothing happened this week, and we here at It Never Ends, were very concerned that we would have nothing to write about. But upon further reflection, we realized that in fact, things did happen, seemingly big things, but what perplexes us is that we found ourselves not really caring. For example, Victoria woke up from her coma (yawn) , Victor's murder charges were dropped (double yawn) , Reid came home from the hospital (snore) , Mrs. C. had a mini stroke (I think we did too) , and Lily was chosen as one of the winners of the Fresh Face of Jabot contest (snooze) . What did capture our attention though, were the seemingly minor plot points, such as the fact that Miguel, our favourite man- servant, was ordered by Victor to pack up all of Nicki's things which presumably included any undergarments left wilynily( an image we quite enjoy) ; or that Mrs. C, dressed in a giant frilly white collar a la William Shakespeare, reminisced again about "all of those delightful stable boys" that she bedded in her pre-facelift days ; or that Lily mentioned to another contestant that Genoa City has "a pretty decent nightlife"; or that everyone was talking about the movie Casablanca in an attempt to demonstrate worldliness and culture ; or that Karen emerged out of Neil's bedroom, wearing his bathrobe and asked Lily if she "feels uncomfortable"; or that J.T. dreamed of having a family home "maybe bigger than the loft", when his future wife is worth billions. These plot points may seem insignificant, but to us they are infinitely more interesting.

New drinking game.

For whatever reason, GCF (Genoa City's Finest) seem to not understand the finer points of good table manners; notably to avoid the temptation of waving utensils in the air while speaking at the dinner table. We've seen Heather Stevens and Phyllis indulge in this behaviour on a few occasions, and this week, Karen, Neil and the man David owes money to, joined the ranks. And thus, we here at It Never Ends would like to add a new drinking game to our arsenal: every time someone exuberantly expresses themselves with the aid of a utensil, take a drink.

Karen makes a case for Cane and Lily.
More like, Karen struggles to make a case for Cane and Lily. And thus her argument illustrating how much they have in common:

1. They have both been married before.
2. They have both lived in their own apartment (and currently live with their parents).
3. They have both travelled.

What we believe she left off the list:

4. They both breathe air.
5. They both eat food.
6. They both drink water.

A match made in heaven our Lily and Cane.

Cane, director of flower arranging.
We saw Cane in his new role of Director of Acquisitions at Jabot this week, and what an impressive sight he was: arranging bouquets of flowers, making sure there was enough seating for the press conference, and testing the microphone with the always original, "Testing1,2 !". Who says you need an MBA to be an executive in a large multinational company anyway?

Brad the harasser.
After Brad strikes out with Sharon, again, he moves onto another employee/subordinate this week. Unfortunately for the never-before-been-seen-woman, she made the grave error of making eye contact with Brad in the halls of Newman, and before you can say "sexual predator", Brad had coerced her into a non-work related dinner. Our advice to this mystery woman? Hire a lawyer now who specializes in sexual harassment. Given the years he spent harassing Christine Blair, Michael Baldwin has a certain '"expertise" and therefore seems an obvious choice...

Questions of the week.
1. What ever happened to everyone working at Fenmore's boutique? Has it closed down and did they have to lay off all of the employees? What kind of severance package did people get, if any?

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Neil Calls Victor a Nazi

This blog is posted weekly on Mondays.

Well ok, this week Neil didn't come right out and call Victor a Nazi per say, but rather inferred it. First he compared Victor's strategy to ruin Nicki to a blitzkreig; a military strategy favoured by the Nazis. Later he compared Victor's me- against- the- world approach to the Nuremburg-esque rallying of German troops against the rest of the world. Is it a coincidence that Victor's background also happens to be German?

More references to 20th century European history were made this week, by Cane of all people. In an attempt to bamboozle and belittle Lily (subscribing to the confuse, patronize and seduce approach), he tried to convince her that the Civil War was started by Archduke Franz Ferdinand (whose assassination sparked the outbreak of the First World War). At first, we here at It Never Ends were impressed that Cane would even know this historical fact, but upon further reflection, we realized that most likely he was referring to the popular Scottish indie band, Franz Ferdinand. We know. Our expectations are much too high.

The Victerminator.
This week we can let Victor's words speak for himself. And no one can speak for himself like our beloved Victor. And thus, yelling to no one in particular:

"I grew up in an orphanage. I grew up alone...SO GET OUT!!!! I don't need any of you!!!!!"


"You don't think I know how to be alone????????"

or to Nicki:

"I want you exactly how I found you; with nothing. You go back to the damn strip club where I found you. When things get tight...something to fall back on. I want to see you back on the streets where you came from. Nothing would make me happier. Now get the hell out of here!!!"

That's our boy.

John the tormentor.
Poor Jack. This week his father's ghost performed his usual haunting, but did so in such a way that was, quite frankly, mean. Preying on Jack's insecurities, he taunted him with images of Sharon and Brad in bed together. If we were Jack, we would much rather be dealing with a poltergeist that threw chairs across the room and broke dishes, than the psychological abuse coming from the seemingly benign ghost of his father.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
The dialogue between Sharon and Jack on vacation in the Bahamas is precisely what gives soaps a bad name, and makes us want to take back every hour spent watching the Y&R over the past 20 years:

Sharon: "It looks like its going to rain."
Jack: "Rain is romantic, especially in the tropics."
Sharon: "Yeah, everything is romantic in the tropics".
Jack: "Yeah, everything is when you're here."
Sharon: "Sure is easy to forget about everything when you're in a place like this."
Jack: "Well, almost everything. I can't seem to forget the fact that I love you. I can't seem to forget how much it means to me to have yo here right now."
Sharon: "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here with you."
Jack: "Don't you sometimes wish that you could freeze a moment and live in it forever?"
Sharon: "Yeah. I wish we could."
Jack: "We could try just tonight."
Sharon: "Deal."

They kiss.

Sharon: "What would you like to do tonight".
Jack: " I'd like to see you out of this robe again."

Sharon removes her robe.

Sharon: "Well, the air con made me a bit cold when we first came in, but the champagne is warming me up."
Jack: "Oh, somehow I thought it was me warming you up."
Sharon: "Kiss me."

They kiss passionately. Jack undoes her bikini top.

Sharon: "Mmmmmm you are a bad boy."
Jack: "That's what you love about me right?"
Sharon: "That and other things too numerous to mention."
Jack: "Well, we have all night."

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd cut.

Yikes. Does it get any worse? Really?

Jana the killer.
Our favourite goth killer was released from prison thanks to a little research and PR from Kevin (who knew it was that easy to get a murderer out of jail?). "Friends" of Jana prettied the coffee house with goth- like decor to include candles, black table cloths, and a make-up wearing Daniel. Is it just us, or were the skulls on each table not the most appropriate choice to honour a girl that beat someone to death by hitting them on the back of the head with a lead pipe?

Nicki the racist.
This week Nicki decides to accept David Chow's marriage (this will be her seventh, yes seventh, marriage). What she doesn't accept though is his last name. She tries it aloud: "Nicki Chow", and then laughs at what she sees as utterly absurd, "I won't be taking your name, sorry". Our question is, why? Why is Newman ok? Or Landers? Or Abbott, or Foster (to name a few of her ex-husbands) and not Chow? We ask: Is Nicki Newman racist?

Best image of the week.
Cane wants to celebrate his new promotion as Director of Acquisitions (where? Chancellor? Jabot? McDonalds?) by suggesting a trip to Australia for he, Jill and Katherine. In order to sell the virtues of Australia he mentions a few tourist attractions including a topless beach. He goes further to suggest that the three of them go together. Cane sure is a different bloke. We don't know many lads who would suggest a topless beach with his grandmother and mother. Hold onto that one, Lily.

Questions of the week.
1. Is there an age limit on stripping? Could Nicki still pull it off if she had to?
2. Is Katherine Chancellor, thanks to the new orange rinse in her hair, looking more and more like Ronald McDonald each day?
3. Why was John's ghost wearing a suit this week? Don't ghosts normally pick one outfit and wear it for eternity? Is that not what the white sheet is for?
4. Who exactly is this friend of Noah's named Sam? Have we met him before? Is it Sam for Samuel, or Sam for Samantha? Why does Noah spend so much time there? To escape the hyper-dysfunctional adults in his life, or for other reasons unknown to us?
5. Does Brad not know that it's often stated that 80% of all free bar nuts are covered in feces and urine? Is that why he is always wolfing them back at the bar at the Genoa City Athletic Club?
6. Is it appropriate that Sharon's employer/superior, Brad, show up at her hotel room unannounced, only to attempt to bed her? Sexual harassment anyone? In our opinion, he deserves those urine soaked nuts.
6. Is it just us, or does Marina, Amber's alter ego, have the nastiest fashion sense ever? The 1980s secretary look is a surprising choice given Amber's design "talents."

Wish list of the week.
1. After hearing the words "you're fired", from Victor this week (to his son no less), it left us thinking of Donald Trump and his show, The Apprentice. Our wish is for an Apprentice type show with Victor instead of Trump and the winner would get a job in the mail room at Newman Enterprises. Or better yet, would be painted alongside Victor in a new portrait for his office.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Nicki Starts a Book Club With J.T.

Last week a reader commented on how we here at It Never Ends tend to focus on the creepier side of Genoa City. Indeed, this is true, but how can one not? The creepiness oozes out of every orifice, every nook and every cranny. Let's face it, everyone on Y&R is creepy in their own unique and special way, and this is precisely what we love about the show.

This week ranked high on the creepy scale where episodes tended to be "a little bit blue", and maybe even a little pornographic. These scenes are like watching a car wreck; you don't want to watch but you just can't seem to bring yourself to look away.

Sharon prefers darkness.
Interesting to see that Sharon was never one to turn the light out before sex when she was with Nick. But Jack is another story. Before they got carried away in their make-up sex last week, Sharon made sure to take a moment to turn off the light first. Somehow, we don't blame her.

Fornicating Cam.
The fornicating cam was in full voyeuristic mode this week, as it roamed from one fornicating couple to the next: Nick and Phyllis at both the Tack(y) house and Victor's office; Lauren and Micheal at their apartment; Sharon and Jack at the Abbott manor; and Neil and Karen at Indigo. We want our money back.

Victor watches Phyllis and Nick copulate.
Phyllis, GC's resident nymphomaniac, locks Nick in his father's office with the intention of taking advantage of him in a way that would get anyone else fired from their job. Nick hesitates for a brief moment, looks up at the watchful eye of his father's portrait, shrugs and indulges his wife. Evidently this disrespect to his father has Nick subscribe to the "Hos before Bros" philosophy, and not the "Bros before Hos" that one would expect.

Baby Reid pulls J.T.'s finger.
Well ok, Reid grabbed, not pulled, J.T.'s finger this week, but we quite like the idea of J.T. telling his infant baby to "pull my finger". Reid's gift at grabbing fingers was quickly surpassed by his ability to breathe on his own without a ventilator. We assume that he and J.T. will be moving into the upstairs room at the ranch with Victoria any day. Miguel will most definitely have his hands full now; if he is indeed sill alive . Perhaps Victor has offed him as well?

J.T. the amateur.
J.T.'s amateurish investigative skills are becoming glaringly more apparent with each episode. He grills Nicki with not-so-subtle questions about David's past, making it obvious to Nicki that he is in fact investigating David. And the worst part? J.T. admits to Nicki that Victor has hired him without even attempting to cover up the fact. As an investigator aren't you supposed to maintain the confidentiality of your clients? No wonder Victor fired him. Maybe J.T. won't be moving to the ranch after all...

Nicki reads Cervantes.
First of all, Nicki reads? Secondly, her favourite book is Don Quixote? We would have pegged Nicki for more of a Danielle Steele or Harlequin Romance type of girl. J.T. is humiliated when Nicki reads a quote from Don Quixote and he doesn't recognize it. She shows her disapproval with the always belittling and humiliating: "You haven't read Don Quixote???" Which begs the question: Has J.T. ever read a book ? Does he even know how to read? J.T.'s stock is slipping. Fast.

Questions of the week.
1 As the owner of Crimson Lights, does Kevin force his employees to wear the goth-esque "Free Jana Hawkes" t-shirts? What happens if they refuse ? Will they lose their job?
2. Does Gloria really think that offering Jeffrey a half a million dollars to get him off her back is going to do the trick? Quite the piddly amount considering she's worth millions. Beyotch is greedy. And stupid. And oh yeah, she looks funny too.
3. How does Kevin find the time to do all that he does? He is the owner/operator of the wildly successful Crimson Lights, head web-guy at Jabot, the driving force behind the "Free Jana" campaign, Gloria's full-time henchman, and landlord to his dead-beat friends, Amber and Daniel who live with him. We see Nobel peace prize in Kevin Fisher's future.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Murder, Rape and Incest: Just Another Christmas in Genoa City (Dec. 31-Jan.4)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Admittedly I have dragged my proverbial ass to get this published. Too much chocolate and laying around for one, but also there wasn't a lot this week on the show to inspire me to write anything. In other words, this will probably be a short, and not overly inspiring post. How does that compel you to keep reading?

So Sharon decides to stay with Jack after all. If I hear one more time how great he is with Noah as her excuse to stay with him, I think I will puke. Sharon's real concern should be why Jack didn't see or talk to his biological son over the holidays anyway. Murder, corporate fraud, these can be overlooked. But realistically she should be questioning why she is with someone who frequently talks to himself and when caught claims to be talking to his father's ghost.

Brad the date rapist.
Woman of Genoa City beware! Brad the date rapist is on the loose. Did you see the way he sexually insinuated himself onto Sharon? He calls her into Newman for a "meeting" to discuss a new campaign, only to proceed to harass her. In his role as her "superior" he sits inappropriately close to her with his arm trailing on the back of her chair. He steers the conversation to the personal at every turn, locks the door so they can have privacy, questions her marriage, and then forces a kiss. Does this seem like appropriate behaviour for the office? Brad is a sexual predator. Plain and simple. My advice to all female GCAC members is to not leave drinks unattended at the bar where Brad is frequently planted, knocking back peanuts in that infuriatingly cocky way, waiting for his next victim.

Incest reigns in GC.
Devon tells Neil that he is attempting to set Lily up to get her mind off of Cane. Neil thinks this is a great idea, until of course he realizes Devon's master plan. We will now see Devon set Lily up with a string of questionable suitors, of which none will be appropriate, and when the timing's right, Devon will swoop in as the ideal candidate for Lily. Because as we all know, Devon has always wanted to sleep with his sister.

All of a sudden Cane and Daniel don't seem so bad now, do they Neil?

The new inmate.
Move over Phyllis and Jana, Victor's the new inmate. 2008 was rung in with the sweet words of Detective Sullivan: "Victor Newman, I have a warrant for your arrest!" Better yet was Detective Sullivan's impersonation of Victor's reaction to being arrested: "You get me Michael Baldwin, you got that!", in her best mumbled Germanic accent. Of course, he was only in prison for all of 5 minutes until Nick paid the million dollar bail (for which he only got a flippant little "thank you" from Victor. No mention of paying it back either. I know that when I bailed my father out of prison recently and fronted the million dollars, there was most definitely discussion about being compensated....).

That's it. It's decided. I'm going to be Victor Newman for Halloween next year. And I think all of you should too. He has attained mythical heights of absurdity and it's time a coordinated army of Victors take the world by storm, and what better time to do it than on Halloween. Start planning your Victor costume now.

J.T. the investigator.
So why does J.T. get paid the big bucks again? Oh yeah, I forgot, he doesn't. That's why he's marrying rich. As an investigator, his techniques are questionable, and as we saw this week, sloppy beyond belief. Victor asked J.T. to investigate David Chow to find out all that he may or may not be hiding. What does J.T.'s investigation consist of? Going to the coffee shop, haphazardly running into Paul and almost as an afterthought, asking him what he knows on David Chow. That's it. That's all. Of course, Paul didn't have any additional information, and so J.T. seems to have hit a dead-end. Hmmmm. So much for that Midwestern work ethic.

Questions of the week.
1. How does Phyllis manage to wear sleeveless tops to the office in the freezing Midwestern winter? The heat must be cranked at Newman.
2. What is Jack's campaign manager on? He looks like he's on the tail end of one huge bender a la Hunter S. Thompson. He's now hauled his sorry ass back to Jack to see "what's next", and if Jack is ready to write his low brow tell-all book yet. I have to say though, whatever he's on, its working for him. Ben 's looking pretty relaxed.
3. Whose ghost will we see next? We've been graced with John's ghost on an almost per episode basis, and last week, Nick was led on a Dickensian journey with Cassie as his guide. At times verging on x-rated (we saw some post-coital moments with Phyllis and Nick for example), this journey would have been inappropriate for Cassie of yesteryear. Now she is all grown up, and has somehow matured as a ghost, which is strange because John remains exactly the same. My question though really is, who's ghost will we see next? Dru's? Sheila's? Ji-Min's? And will they have aged like Cassie did? Will Drusilla's ghost have had cosmetic surgery? Will Sheila still look like Phyllis in her paranormal state, or will she morphed back to herself? And will Ji-Min's ghost and Jill still get it on, just like Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze did in "Ghost"? I can see the potter's kiln set up in the boardroom and everything. So much to look forward to, so little screen time.