Saturday, January 19, 2008

Neil Calls Victor a Nazi

This blog is posted weekly on Mondays.

Well ok, this week Neil didn't come right out and call Victor a Nazi per say, but rather inferred it. First he compared Victor's strategy to ruin Nicki to a blitzkreig; a military strategy favoured by the Nazis. Later he compared Victor's me- against- the- world approach to the Nuremburg-esque rallying of German troops against the rest of the world. Is it a coincidence that Victor's background also happens to be German?

More references to 20th century European history were made this week, by Cane of all people. In an attempt to bamboozle and belittle Lily (subscribing to the confuse, patronize and seduce approach), he tried to convince her that the Civil War was started by Archduke Franz Ferdinand (whose assassination sparked the outbreak of the First World War). At first, we here at It Never Ends were impressed that Cane would even know this historical fact, but upon further reflection, we realized that most likely he was referring to the popular Scottish indie band, Franz Ferdinand. We know. Our expectations are much too high.

The Victerminator.
This week we can let Victor's words speak for himself. And no one can speak for himself like our beloved Victor. And thus, yelling to no one in particular:

"I grew up in an orphanage. I grew up alone...SO GET OUT!!!! I don't need any of you!!!!!"


"You don't think I know how to be alone????????"

or to Nicki:

"I want you exactly how I found you; with nothing. You go back to the damn strip club where I found you. When things get tight...something to fall back on. I want to see you back on the streets where you came from. Nothing would make me happier. Now get the hell out of here!!!"

That's our boy.

John the tormentor.
Poor Jack. This week his father's ghost performed his usual haunting, but did so in such a way that was, quite frankly, mean. Preying on Jack's insecurities, he taunted him with images of Sharon and Brad in bed together. If we were Jack, we would much rather be dealing with a poltergeist that threw chairs across the room and broke dishes, than the psychological abuse coming from the seemingly benign ghost of his father.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
The dialogue between Sharon and Jack on vacation in the Bahamas is precisely what gives soaps a bad name, and makes us want to take back every hour spent watching the Y&R over the past 20 years:

Sharon: "It looks like its going to rain."
Jack: "Rain is romantic, especially in the tropics."
Sharon: "Yeah, everything is romantic in the tropics".
Jack: "Yeah, everything is when you're here."
Sharon: "Sure is easy to forget about everything when you're in a place like this."
Jack: "Well, almost everything. I can't seem to forget the fact that I love you. I can't seem to forget how much it means to me to have yo here right now."
Sharon: "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here with you."
Jack: "Don't you sometimes wish that you could freeze a moment and live in it forever?"
Sharon: "Yeah. I wish we could."
Jack: "We could try just tonight."
Sharon: "Deal."

They kiss.

Sharon: "What would you like to do tonight".
Jack: " I'd like to see you out of this robe again."

Sharon removes her robe.

Sharon: "Well, the air con made me a bit cold when we first came in, but the champagne is warming me up."
Jack: "Oh, somehow I thought it was me warming you up."
Sharon: "Kiss me."

They kiss passionately. Jack undoes her bikini top.

Sharon: "Mmmmmm you are a bad boy."
Jack: "That's what you love about me right?"
Sharon: "That and other things too numerous to mention."
Jack: "Well, we have all night."

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd cut.

Yikes. Does it get any worse? Really?

Jana the killer.
Our favourite goth killer was released from prison thanks to a little research and PR from Kevin (who knew it was that easy to get a murderer out of jail?). "Friends" of Jana prettied the coffee house with goth- like decor to include candles, black table cloths, and a make-up wearing Daniel. Is it just us, or were the skulls on each table not the most appropriate choice to honour a girl that beat someone to death by hitting them on the back of the head with a lead pipe?

Nicki the racist.
This week Nicki decides to accept David Chow's marriage (this will be her seventh, yes seventh, marriage). What she doesn't accept though is his last name. She tries it aloud: "Nicki Chow", and then laughs at what she sees as utterly absurd, "I won't be taking your name, sorry". Our question is, why? Why is Newman ok? Or Landers? Or Abbott, or Foster (to name a few of her ex-husbands) and not Chow? We ask: Is Nicki Newman racist?

Best image of the week.
Cane wants to celebrate his new promotion as Director of Acquisitions (where? Chancellor? Jabot? McDonalds?) by suggesting a trip to Australia for he, Jill and Katherine. In order to sell the virtues of Australia he mentions a few tourist attractions including a topless beach. He goes further to suggest that the three of them go together. Cane sure is a different bloke. We don't know many lads who would suggest a topless beach with his grandmother and mother. Hold onto that one, Lily.

Questions of the week.
1. Is there an age limit on stripping? Could Nicki still pull it off if she had to?
2. Is Katherine Chancellor, thanks to the new orange rinse in her hair, looking more and more like Ronald McDonald each day?
3. Why was John's ghost wearing a suit this week? Don't ghosts normally pick one outfit and wear it for eternity? Is that not what the white sheet is for?
4. Who exactly is this friend of Noah's named Sam? Have we met him before? Is it Sam for Samuel, or Sam for Samantha? Why does Noah spend so much time there? To escape the hyper-dysfunctional adults in his life, or for other reasons unknown to us?
5. Does Brad not know that it's often stated that 80% of all free bar nuts are covered in feces and urine? Is that why he is always wolfing them back at the bar at the Genoa City Athletic Club?
6. Is it appropriate that Sharon's employer/superior, Brad, show up at her hotel room unannounced, only to attempt to bed her? Sexual harassment anyone? In our opinion, he deserves those urine soaked nuts.
6. Is it just us, or does Marina, Amber's alter ego, have the nastiest fashion sense ever? The 1980s secretary look is a surprising choice given Amber's design "talents."

Wish list of the week.
1. After hearing the words "you're fired", from Victor this week (to his son no less), it left us thinking of Donald Trump and his show, The Apprentice. Our wish is for an Apprentice type show with Victor instead of Trump and the winner would get a job in the mail room at Newman Enterprises. Or better yet, would be painted alongside Victor in a new portrait for his office.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are hillarious!