Monday, June 23, 2008

The Devil Went Down to Genoa (June 16-20)

Genoa City's Finest (GCF) gorge on another serving of family dysfunction this week, catapulting themselves into the category of family malfunction. Sabrina's marriage to Victor complicates the already vastly complex entity that is the Newman family as she is now stepmother to her best friend, Victoria, (and wonders why her best friend doesn't want to call her "mommy"). Likewise, she is now "mom" to Victor's estranged son, Adam, as well as to Nick who is only about 3 years her junior. Lest we forget her role as stepmother to stolen- sperm-turned-Abby-Abbott -Carlton-Newman, as well as her duties as step-grandmother to the growing retinue of Victor's grandchildren. The question is: will Victoria send Sabrina a mother's day card? Has it occurred to anyone that Victoria's best friend's baby will not only be her new sibling, but will also be her child's aunt or uncle? Is Genoa City actually not in Wisconsin as everyone thinks, but rather in the Ozarks? Gawd. No wonder Al Quaeda hates us so much.

Victor tells Adam (only now?) about his test-tube conceived half sister, Abby, and proudly explains that she "calls [Brad] 'dad', and me, 'Victor' ". Not something we would choose to boast about. Adam's manages to choke out a "that's very modern" response, but what we all know is he really wants to say - and would never dare to do so at risk of being cut out of the will - is:"that's really f$#@ed up".

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Chloe seems to be the only one with any life amongst the corpses that litter her life (so what if it's because of alcohol) as Devon, Cane, Lily and Neil (just to name a few) make the zombies from The Night of The Living Dead look like Las Vegas showgirls. As is the case with Gloria, the only people who seem to be the least bit engaging are those that drink until they are drunk. Lesson learned kids.

The Devil Went Down to Genoa.
The devil incarnate has descended upon GCF, and has taken the form of a hairless, square- jawed, vacuous mortal by the name of Brad Carlton. Beelzebub , or perhaps, Beelzebrad does what Satan does best: spreads lies and wreaks havoc on the souls of mankind, or in this case David Chow. In the Garden of Eden that is Genoa City, Beelzebrad tempts
David-my mouth-is-too-small-for-my-face-but-that-is-the-least-of-my-
concerns-Chow with the poison apple of gambling. David bites, and is expelled from the paradise of Nikki's bosom (Although this was David's choice as he considers himself no longer worthy). Then again, if we had a choice between Las Vegas and Nikki, unfortunately Vegas would win out as well.

Dialogue of the week.
When Sabrina's mother realizes that Sabrina has no one she knows coming to her wedding, she consoles her with:

"How embarrassing for you".

Not the best bed side manner, our mommy dearest, but in a way Sabrina deserves it. She should be embarrassed, in fact ashamed , that she has not one person she knows coming to her wedding, and who better to tell her of this fact (playing into the family dysfunction theme) than her own mother?

Questions of the week.
1. Is Sabrina's gauche overbearing mother just a recycled version of Lauren's? Is it a coincidence that they both appeared, uninvited, to their respective daughter's weddings, and caused endless tension? Coincidence? Or Laziness on part of the writers?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Could Hell Be Other People? (June 9-13)

In Jean-Paul Sartre's play, No Exit, he envisioned a hell consisting of, quite simply, a few people stuck in a room together for eternity. His back drop for hell was not the usual fire and brimstone chaos, but rather, an opulent salon, decorated in the finest of second empire motifs (not at all unlike that of Katherine Chancellor's or the Abbott manor for that matter). It is this notion of the company that you keep that can be hell that intrigues us, and thus Sartre's quote: "Other people are hell", could easily be an anthem for Genoa City's Finest (GCF). They are each other's hell, trapped in one big salon that is Genoa City. Nowhere to escape to, they mirror each other's flaws and shortcomings, and the most unfortunate part is that we are (voluntarily!) trapped alongside them, and for that, we are the biggest fools of all.

Another Father's day rolls around in Genoa City and its denizens celebrate once again the hell of their fractured relationships with their own fathers. Therefore we here at It Never Ends thought we would seize the opportunity to revisit a previous post (Feb. 11) that gave tribute to Genoa City's deadbeat dads (or perhaps: GCWF-Genoa City's Worst Fathers):

"Victor Jr., nails it right on the head after learning that Victor is his father. He asks Hope: "What kind of man stays away from his own son?" The answer? A Genoa City man. And thus Victor, Paul, Jack, and Danny have all made a point of showing little or no interest in their son's lives. Victor not knowing that his son went to Harvard and currently works on Wall St. is perplexing, as is Paul's lack of involvement in his son Ricky's life (especially considering he is currently dealing with the fallout of the lifelong neglect of his daughter, Heather). Then there's Jack, a man who definitely adheres to the "stay away from your son philosophy", as he never even mentions the son he shares with Diane Jenkins. Next up? Danny Romalotti, who "raised" Daniel by shipping him off to boarding schools while he toured the world spreading musical mediocrity. And where is he now when his son is in such dire need of hairstyle advice? Finally, Malcolm recently learns that he is in fact Lily's father, and as he is currently M.I.A, indicates that he does not give a you-know-what about his daughter. It is apparent that child neglect or rather, child forget, is simply an accepted social norm in Genoa City."

A few months later, we can now add that Victor will be trying his hand at being a father, yet again, as Sabrina announced that she is pregnant (not bad for a guy approaching 70 who's had a vasectomy). Will Victor be able to break the cycle as absentee father? (Nick and Victoria were shipped away to boarding school at a young age, and as adults have been replaced for a newer, younger family; Victor Jr. didn't come onto Victor's radar until a dying, blind, Hope made Victor promise to take some interest in his son's life, and Abby, the result of stolen sperm, is a perennial afterthought). His newest "crotch-dropping", won't have a chance either, because of Victor's advanced age, Victor will be dead before the child makes it to his or her tenth birthday. Way to go Victor. Go treat yourself to a hot dog, you father of the year you.

Webster's Dictionary for the Mentally Challenged.
Amber, underrated as both a scholar and wordsmith describes her "designs" (which are from what we can see shirts worn without a bottom), as "swedgy". The definition:

Swedgy: Swank and edgy.


Karen, driver of the sane train.
Karen seems to be the only one with any sense. We would venture to say, more than any one we've ever seen on the show before. So much sense, in fact, that she left Neil, and got the hell out of Genoa City altogether. She even begged off of Neil's marriage proposal, and criticized him for "rushing in". Finally, someone is calling GCF on their favorite pastime: rushing to the alter. Everyone is always in such a damn hurry... almost as much of a hurry as they are to get out of the same marriage only weeks later. They are a fickle bunch our GCF, and Karen wants to have none of it. In fact, she prefers the world of romance novels to this hell on middle earth, and that's certainly not saying much.

Moment of the week.
When Kevin got snubbed by Katy Perry. Kevin's suggestion that "they all hang out together", was met with blank stares. Poor Kevin. Someone needs some cool lessons. Fast.

Questions of the Week.
1. What happened to Kay's memoirs? Did she realize as she sifted through the debris that is her memory, what a truly horrible person she is, forcing her to abandon the project altogether?
2. Discovering that Michael's father was a draft dodger and that he could be in Canada, will they have to consult a map in order to find out where Canada actually is?
3. Does Sabrina seem like she could have been a man at one time? Or perhaps just a younger version of Cher?

Trivialze the trivial.
Eric Braeden's (aka Victor Newman) real name is Hans Jörg Gudegast. We here at It Never Ends are overjoyed to have made this discovery.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Advent Of GCSA: Genoa City's Self-Absorbed

This week it became glaringly apparent that Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are far too self -absorbed to give a shit about anyone other than themselves. And thus, Nicki claims to "know nothing" about her new husband David's former wives both having died under mysterious circumstances; and likewise Victor learns only now that his soon-to-be-wife, Sabrina, lost her father when she was 12, and that she is estranged from her mother. Is this not a testament to the extreme self- absorption that plagues GCFs at every turn? Furthermore, after 24 years of service, all Victor has to say about Miguel is: "He was a nice man...I will miss him"???? Did anyone know anything about Miguel? Did anyone ever bother to ask? If these people can't even conjure up enough interest to find out about their spouse's past, why the hell would they care about the hired help?

The case of the disappearing office.
So does Jabot actually have offices for its executives, or do they simply work in the boardroom on a rotational basis? In fact, the only actual office is Nicki's, (formerly Jill's despite her higher order on the food chain, and is now relegated to the boardroom). So please, tell us, where is Cane's office? Brad's? Katherine's? Gloria's? Victoria's (just think she gave up an office with a nursery at Newman to work at Jabot). And David's? (He and Nicki share, but Nicki obviously has dibs over the desk. No matter, David's too busy betting on horses with the names, Nimble Nicki and the like). To see the rootlessness of the Jabot executives is officially taking a toll on us, nevermind what it must be doing to them. Jabot needs to admit that they are seriously screwed for space, and set up a cube farm in the boardroom pronto.

Miguel. We hardly knew you.
So after 24 years of stilted performance and fastidious service, our favorite manservant is officially gone. We are devastated. For us Miguel represented the very reason why we watched the show. His unbelievable inability to act was stupefying, but like a car wreck, we could never pry our eyes away. Miguel devoted the best years of his life to the Newman's, and what did he get in return? Nada. Zero. Well, unless you consider Nicki "thanking" him by sending the angel for the Christmas tree that "he used to fuss over until it was perfect". Gee thanks. Are you also planning on sending a bonus, of say, a couple million as well, after having to endure the insipidness of the Newman family for over 25 years - including countless milkshakes made for the likes of Noah, Cassie, and other children pawned off on him, so the parents could get to the business at hand of discussing their shallow and insignificant lives? Except for a few bright moments of when Miguel dated Esther (so cute how the 'help' like to date each other!) and when he punched out Veronica/Sarah's (former maid at the Ranch) boss, it's been all pretty exploitive (considering he was virtually held prisoner at the Ranch, denied of an outside life, and took on the role of chauffeur, nanny, butler, maid, cook, Victor's boy toy and confidant, all rolled into one). Taking care of his sick aunt is sounding pretty good about now. As far as the producers go, about missed opportunity: 24 years, and then one day he simply never comes back? No car crash, no plastic surgery gone wrong, no murder, no fire? Geez. What a jip.

Devon- no- fun-whatever-his-last-name-is.
Could Devon possibly be any more of a drag? Ever since the cochlear implant/frontal lobotomy, it's be all down hill for our puritanical friend. We much preferred 'hoodlum Devon' as opposed to 'self-righteous Devon' who judges and nit picks everyone around him. It's time the implant comes out and Devon loosens up a bit. The only thing that can save Devon at this point is a relapse into delinquency. We can only pray.

Framed portrait of the week.
John wearing what looks like a straitjacket in a framed photo displayed prominently at the Abbot mansion.

Look of the week.
It was a toss up between Sharon's "RV chic" (tight white pants, dowdy yellow shirt, and fake tan) and Jana's "Helen Keller chic"(a 1940s school marm meets German hospital outfit).

Dialogue of the week.
"The worst mistake a man can make is to believe his own hype. To believe that he is impervious to pain or defeat. That he is omnipotent".

WTF? How can this have possibly come from Victor's mouth when he is guilty of all of what he is condemning? Does he not consider himself omnipotent? Does he not believe his own hype? And finally, is his middle name not Victor "impervious to defeat" Newman?

Jack's response to Victor's buying a shark for $12 million is worth mentioning as well:

Sharon: "Why would he [Victor] buy the dead shark?
Jack: "Maybe he mistook it for a self-portrait".

Questions of the week.
1. Does resident half man/half beast, Phyllis Summers Abbott Newman seem disappointed that her husband's half brother, Adam, is no longer interested in flirting with her? Was the bra she wore to the gym to work out in her last ditch attempt to entice him, and alas to no avail?
2. Is it just us, or does 8 weeks at camp for an 11 year old boy border on abusive? Don't get us wrong, we are relieved that the show will be Noah-less for the next 8 weeks, but my god. Again, when is Social Services going to finally step in?
3. What exactly is the difference between a mansion and an estate? Jack holds the lowly position of possessing only a mansion, faced with Katherine's estate; mocking him at every turn.
4. Who was the lucky recipient of Noah's alleged first kiss this week (so grown up!). Sam?