Sunday, March 30, 2008

Hey Kids Boogey Too, Did Ya ? (Mar.17-28)

Finding the cracks in the armor of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) has become nothing short of a passion here at It Never Ends, and this week was rife with examples. Neo-Newman and misogynist, Adam, takes a post-coma and post-baby Victoria as a slacker, an accusation we have quite enjoyed. In a way, though, Adam has a point. It would be one thing if, when not working, Victoria actually spent time with her baby, but she seems to be too busy lunching with her one and only friend, Sabrina, attending magazine parties, and making out with her husband at work. The sooner she faces the fact that she is doing a crappy job as both a mother and an executive, the sooner she may be able to redeem herself. On the upside though, her vocabulary has expanded as she wielded around the word "vituperative" when describing the combative relationship between Nick and their father. The other Newman sibling does not go unscathed this week either, Restless Style's PR guy, Patrick, whom has more personality than the entire cast combined, makes fun of Nick's "Dacron 1982 checkerboard" sweater bought by an embarrassed Phyllis. Pretty bad for a bunch of "style" experts.

What exactly is Restless Style?
Amber, a paragon of style in her own mind, has us worried that her bizarre renditions of "fashion" are nothing short of a liability to
Restless Style. Our view is that rather than offering Amber employment, the Restless Style executives should be placing a restraining order where she is to not set foot, (or rather, feather tutu) anywhere within 100 yards of the RS offices. Amber's chosen outfit for her ad campaign (where lucky for us, she is also the model) will be forever etched in our minds: a purple bodice with a red tutu, and heaps of cheap costume jewelry -perfect attire for a party in a psych ward. Other notables were the aforementioned Dacron sweater worn by Nick; Phyllis's detachable lace collar worn with a sleeveless dress (yikes) and Sharon's ultra conservative prom dress coupled with a hairdo that is looking more and more like Janice, the guitar playing hippie from the Muppets. Even Katherine Chancellor dresses better than these wannabe fashionistas, and that's certainly not saying much. And don't even get us started with Lily's supposed "couture" outfits...

Danny Boy.
Oh Danny. Where to begin?
First of all, why doesn't anyone call him Danny boy?

Secondly, Danny seems more like the owner of a shoe store than a rock and roller.

And thirdly, Danny is one morose SOB. As Danny makes his way into his twilight years, it's time he thinks about lightening up as indicated by the dour lyrics to the song he sang at the
Restless Style party:

I don't understand
I want the pain to end
don't think that I am going to be free
I can't sleep without cryin' and at times I feel I'm dyin'
when I think I've got it all together
I can't hear any love song without feeling like my heart's gone
I believe the feeling is forever,
No, I'm not better yeah...

...And we hate to break it to you Danny, you're not getting any younger either....

Talk about a downer. But for Genoa City's Finest (GCF), Danny's lyrics, clearly a cry for help, don't seem to phase them as they nodded along to the music in blissful reverie.

The lyrics to the song Danny sang for Daniel were certainly not uplifting either. Given that Danny is not actually Daniel's father, there is something slightly creepy about the lyrics, especially when seen sung by one grown man to another:

I'll be there though the years may find us apart
all you need is to open up your heart
then you'll find there's someone there to hold you
hold you you can build a fortress wall
you can swear the rain won't fall you can rail against it all
but when you need someone I'll be there
'cause when you need someone I'll be there.

Morose and creepy, not a good combination by any means.

Our wish is that Danny goes back to his earlier work, when life was simpler; a time before he was drugged and raped by Phyllis and then later lied to about Daniel being his son. And thus from the more upbeat, Rock On

Hey kids rock and roll,
Rock on, ooh my soul
Hey kids boogey too, did ya

Atta boy, Danny Boy.

Dialogue of the week.

The winner goes to a quip made by an unimpressed reporter at the Restless Style party:

"Nick's a pretty boy wannabe with daddy's cheque book"

The runner-up prize goes to a deprecating remark about actors made by Jeffrey:

Jack: He [Alistair] is a crazy drunken letch.

Jeffrey: Yeah, he's an actor...

Too true.

Questions of the week.
1. Where is Lauren's son, Scottie? Why is he never mentioned? Is Lauren adhering to the have-a child-with-another- man- and- forget- your- other- child- syndrome that is a philosophy held dear to the hearts of GCFs?
2. Does Nicki not have her own office? As the CEO of a major cosmetics empire, one would assume that she would have the corner office , especially given real estate in Genoa City is as cheap as a one armed hooker. The versatility of the Jabot boardroom is impressive. It serves as a "work" space for Gloria and Kevin, as well as a photography studio for Faces of Jabot, as well as Jill's former romping ground with Ji-Min. It has become its own character, with the distinction of having more personality than most of its occupants.
3. When Daniel mentions that Danny's new CD has made it in the top ten, on which chart would that be? The soap opera star turned rock and roller chart?
4. Does anyone ever watch television on the show? Apart from Phyllis and Nick's video games, and the Winter's "movie nights" (that happened only one time), we never see anyone kicking back in front of the TV. Do they not watch soap operas themselves, or are they too sophisticated for that?
5. Why was Victor's larger-than- a- side-of-beef leather coat zipped right up during an intimate dinner with Sabrina? Was he trying to hide his growing man-boobs (aka moobs)?
6. What happened to Maggie? Why wasn't she with Paul at the Restless Style party? Did she stumble upon another cage in a warehouse, this time manned by Mary Williams?
7. Did Jana confuse the techniques one needs for holding a seance with those used in a yoga class? (aka heavy breathing)
8. Is Jana into Kaballah? We spotted a red string around her wrist this week, and were wondering what kind of following Kaballah had in Genoa City? Is Madonna in town?
9. What happened to all of the other Faces of Jabot contest winners? Why was Lily the only model asked to attend the Restless Style party? Is that what bitching and complaining all the time does for someone?
10. The new steps taken in Gloria and Jeffrey's relationship, begs the question: is it legal to show geriatric sex on television?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Our Apologies

As we are still recovering from the Restless Style party, we are unable to write a new post at this time. Our sincerest apologies.

Expect full coverage by next Monday.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

GC's Divas, Disillusioned and the Damned (Mar 10-14)

Absurdity reigns high in GC this week when Michael finally admits the truth that we have known all along: the food at the Genoa City Athletic Club blows goats. During a dinner party at Gloria's (consisting of surprise, surprise, take-out from the GCAC), Michael questions the sincerity of Gloria's relationship with Jeffrey, making a comparison to the food at the the club: "Something doesn't smell right, and it's not just the take-out". Could this be the end to the incessant fawning by its denizens over the bucatini or rib eye steak like it's god? Equally absurd was Gloria's claim that she "wants to grow old" in the Abbott Mansion, forgetting of course, that she already is old. And Esther in her ridiculously degrading maid uniform, made an appearance this week, always a crowd pleaser in that watching-someone-make-an-ass-out-of-themselves-way. And the capper? Nick's claim that ad space in their magazine (that hasn't even had one hit yet) is in the half a million range, leading us to think that Nick's real calling is a career in stand-up.

Sisters are doing it for themselves...
Do you know that song Nicholas? Because, it's certainly not brothers doing it for themselves like you are trying to pass off. You keep trying to convince everyone, including yourself, that you are doing this new magazine venture on your own, without any help at all from your zillionaire father, suggesting somehow that borrowing against your sizable trust fund falls under the "doing it on your own" umbrella. Your creativity is truly unending.

Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind.
In the case of Jack Abbott, Jim Morrison's quote would read more aptly "Ghosts crowd the middle-aged adult's fragile eggshell mind". Doesn't quite have the same poetic ring, but nevertheless very applicable to the apparent fragility of Jack's faculties as he continues to normalize his relationship with his father's phantasm. This already twisted relationship was taken one step further this week while Jack and his father's ghost watched Gloria make out with her new husband, and instead of being mortified at seeing his gold-digging ho of an ex-wife bed another man, John's ghost berates Jack for not having sold Gloria his half of the house. What? Even in death these people are totally convoluted.

We think John's ghost should stop being such a pantywaister, loosen up a bit, maybe hook up with Morrison in the afterworld, smoke a little weed, and trade in his black turtleneck and borrow Morrison's black leather pants: we'd all be better off for it.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
Gloria claims that she is no longer up for consummating her marriage with Jeffrey when she finds a book of John's that was supposedly buried with him. Jeffrey's response?
"This is the first time a ghost has come between me and hot passionate sex".

Which begs the question: is this kind of dialogue legal?

Questions of the week.
1.Will Mrs. C. admit in her memoirs how abusive she has been to Esther over the past 25 years? Will her condescension and insistence on Esther wearing the infuriatingly degrading maid uniform be disclosed as well?
Does anyone else feel sorry for Devon? Talk about demotion. His character seems to have peaked with the cochlear implant storyline and never recovered. God knows, we haven't.
3. How is it that John doesn't know the truth about Gloria and the face cream considering the number of conversations that have gone on between Jeffrey and Gloria in the Abbott house? What kind of ghost does he pretend to be anyway?
4. Does Katherine Chancellor have a nervous tick that involves picking the lint and brushing the dandruff of other people's collars when she's talking to them? This week Daniel was targeted and looked genuinely surprised over her socially inappropriate behaviour.
5. Why didn't Amber, Kevin and Daniel donate the money anonymously to charity instead of burning it up? Oh wait, we forgot, that would mean thinking of someone other then themselves. Impossible.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Genoa City's Crimes Against Humility (March-3-7)

New characters often have a revitalizing effect on a show as was the case of Victor "Adam" Jr. this week. What he may lack in charisma, Victor Jr. makes up for in his ability to tell GC's resident narcissists how "it really is". And thus, he questions Victoria's art degree as her major credential as a business executive at one of the biggest multinational companies in the universe, as well as Nicholas never-having-to-worry-about-money-a-day-in-his-life coupled with his former tenure as Frat president : credentials not in the least impressive for a guy who found his way to Harvard business via a dust bowl farm in Kansas with a blind single mother. And lest we forget Sabrina's boastful account of how she and Victoria met "at the Guggenheim program in Italy while I was getting my master's in art history, and Victoria was an undergrad." Victor Jr. is none too impressed by this former "curator" at the Georges Pompidou in Paris (impressive for someone barely in their 30s, non?), when he asks whether such programs are just for "spoiled rich kids who want an excuse to go hang out in Europe for a while". And finally, our favorite porte-parole points out what has been on all of our minds: how the hell Nick and Phyllis and Sharon and Jack are all in business together considering they have all slept with one another at some point (think ABBA, without the talent). Thank you Adam. You may be seriously b-o-r-i-n-g, but at least you are bringing the people of Genoa City to task for their crimes against humility.

The inherent sexiness of cardiac arrest.
Sabrina is lost in an erotic moment while she watches our favorite septuagenarian, Victor, clad in a black wife-beater, beat the crap out of a punching bag —risky activity for any senior citizen. Sabrina shows a sadistic side as she is intrigued by the possibility that each punch of the bag Victor takes could very well be his last.

Dear god, please tell us that she is not going to sleep with him.

Felonius Style.
We here at It Never Ends, believe that the name for the new online magazine shouldn't be Restless Style, but rather Felonius Style given that everyone involved has been in trouble with the law at one point or another. Jack, Nick, Phyllis, Daniel and Amber, have all either been convicted felons or accused of heinous crimes such as murder, treason, and blackmail. Sharon is the only one who has yet to be formally charged, although this should be reconsidered due to recent hair style and matrimonial choices.

If a block of wood fell in the Break Room would anybody hear?
J.T. Seriously. What the hell? Lumber has more personality than he does. Is it the suit? Being married? Being a Newman? The frontal lobotomy? My God. It has been a slippery slope for J.T., and he's dragged all of us along for the ride. Someone please put him (and us) out of his (our) misery.

Questions of the week.
1. If the ranch is indeed as "grand" as everyone claims it to be, why do the residents insist on dining at the kid's table set up in the diminutive living room (as did Sabrina and Victor with their burgers and fries this week)?
2. Why is Daniel so tempted by the stolen money when his father is a rock star worth millions and his mother is married to a Newman? Could someone please tell us why he is so hard up for cash?
3. When J.T. finally visits the new Restless Style warehouse space, will he realize that it is indeed the loft in disguise? And if he doesn't recognize it, will he be able to still call himself a PI?
3. How long until Victor Jr. 's framed portrait makes its way into Victor's prolific portrait collection?
4. How painful are Neil and Karen as a couple? Their insipidness is mind-numbing, and to think she may be moving in with him? Unfortunately it looks likes the Drippy-Drippersons are here to stay.
5. Was there a flirtation this week between the male bartender at the GCAC and Victor "Adam" Jr.? Who is the mysterious person that Adam keeps calling in NYC? A gay lover? Victor Jr.'s attraction to Phyllis would make sense then: clearly he assumes she is a man in drag (like any self-respecting person would).

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Daniel's Hair Is Fired (Feb.25-29)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Another week in Genoa City is behind us, and we continue to be amused by the minutae of its residents' wonderful and horrible lives. And so, Karen "chicken adobo" Taylor (lose the "chicken" though. Adobo Taylor has a familiar ring to it...) made a special appearance at Indigo, debuting her signature breathy adult contempt-orary songs that once again makes us doubt our devotion to the show. Phyllis' attraction to Nick is diminishing as fast as his bank account (or should we say trust fund). We were also sad to see that Daniel's hair, the object of consistent ridicule, was fired and replaced with the more sensible brown coiffure (his former blonde mess held a special place in our heart, like a shameful but memorable relationship). And finally, Victoria was relieved to find out that she is not indeed friendless with the arrival of her never-talked-about-until-last -week-best-friend-in-the-world, Sabrina.

David Go-Lie-ith.
David Chow finally reveals his unspeakable secret: gambling . And the amount owing? A measly $250,000 dollars. For GCF (Genoa City's Finest)? Mere chump change. And for us? Boring. We were hoping for something a little more interesting, such as a secret affinity for dressing up in women's clothes in conjunction with a serious spending problem, leading to a quarter of a million on a new wardrobe; or better yet, that David is in fact Sheila Carter and that the debt owed is to the South American plastic surgeon who did the cosmetic surgery. But gambling? Pulease.

What we feel Nicki should be most concerned about at this point is the fact that David's mouth is far too small for his face.

Restless Style...the new Wallpaper magazine?
In fact, Wallpaper's founder, Tyler Brule, would be horrified to see the design mess that is now the offices of Restless Style. We were so looking forward to a new set of which us devotees have been so deprived, and the warehouse space looked promising. But the resulting tired palette of black leather with chrome accents complete with a "cargo" elevator cliche was just plain disappointing. The decor looks more suited to a wannabe upscale bachelor pad than a "hip" new magazine. No surprise there that Genoa City's resident half man/half beast, Phyllis Newman, and Restless Style's decorator would have such masculine taste....

A picture is worth a thousand words.
Seeing Victor gaze longingly at both Hope's and Nick's framed portraits got us thinking: where would the soap opera be without the role of the framed portrait? Found on every desk, fireplace mantle, and grand piano in Genoa City they allow us access into a character's inner drama as they converse with said photo, behaviour we here at It Never Ends indulge in a bit too frequently. It all begs the question: where was Hope's portrait kept? Was it behind Victor's desk beside Nicki's portrait, or was it in a drawer with the other framed photos of his long list of ex-wives?

Dialogue to be ashamed of:
Is this what it has come to? Is this what we as viewers have reduced ourselves to? And thus the damning words:

Jeff: You've got nothing on me, Gloria. I could send you up the river tomorrow if I were so inclined, but I'm not because I'm having way too much fun here.

Gloria: You know, you've got a sick idea of what fun is.

Jeff: No, I know exactly what fun is. Sex is fun and this marriage in name only is not fun. We need to fix that.
Gloria: No. Our sister/brother relationship suits me just fine.

Jeff: Even with the chemistry we have between us? I'm a man, you're a woman.

Gloria: I'd rather go to jail.

Jeff: You're so sexy when you're stupid. Play the dumb blonde with me. Tonight's the night, darling.

Egad. And we share the same nomenclature as a species as these people?

Questions of the week.
1. How do the other female employees at Newman feel that Victoria gets a nursery built in her office so she can bring her baby to work, and they have to put theirs in daycare?
2. Does Jana actually work at Crimson Lights or is she too busy obsessing about Daniel and Amber's sex life?
3. How thorough are the reports that are done at both Newman and Jabot? What amazes us is how quickly they are read over before conclusions are made. A business plan or annual report is met with a momentary glance and the reader is quickly "on board" or "impressed" with the figures presented. We surmise that either the reader of such a report is incredibly bright and can read and summarize dense amounts of information in a millisecond, or that the reports are half-baked and/or the reader doesn't know what the hell they are talking about. Our vote is with the latter.
4. Is it us, or is it shocking to see Chloe, someone who admitted that she's only been in the fashion business for 2 years, act the way she does towards others? And worse, how is it that people are actually listening to her like she's the voice of authority? As was the case with Phyllis who was a "webmaster" in New York and is the case with Chloe who lived in New York before coming to GC, if you have lived in the Big Apple before, then you must be an expert. Big-fish-small-pond syndrome anyone?
5. Is Victor's new (possible) love-interest, Sabrina, simply a classier more sophisticated version of the similarly raven haired Ramona Caceres, (aka Desert Flower) with whom Victor had an affair after being kidnapped in the Arizona desert in the late 1990s?
6. Where is Victor's renowned private art collection housed anyway? As there isn't a stitch of art in his own residence, we assume it is somewhere in the bowels of Newman. Could it be in the boiler room? The mail room? Or does Victor have a
trick James Bond wall in his office that opens to a secret chamber? If he in fact has a Renoir like Sabrina mentioned, is J.T. , head of Insecurity, ensuring that it is adequately protected? Somehow we doubt it.