Sunday, February 10, 2008

We're Not In Kansas Anymore. We're in Genoa City. (Feb.4-8th)

This week on Y&R there were some very questionable choices in the hair and cosmetic surgery departments. Most notable was Daniel's hair: a badly damaged bleach blonde rat's nest that channeled part Rod Stewart and part Rutger Hauer of Blade Runner. Jana was the next victim with what looked like a perm (are they allowed to do those anymore?) accented with hooker-ific purple hair extensions. We strongly believe that Jana needs to go back to her "prison look"consisting of the simple, yet always sophisticated chenille knot. And then there was Hope (or perhaps more appropriately, Despair) who was nothing short of a mess of bad cosmetic surgery decisions. Botox? Check. Restalyn? Check. Cheek implants? Check. What surprises us here at It Never Ends is that a blind person would know that they needed any work done, let alone care. And how does a woman who lives on a destitute farm in Kansas afford all of these procedures anyway? Did she re- mortgage the farm? Clearly, Hope/Despair is not in Kansas anymore. She's in Los Angeles.

Gloria's taste rears its ugly head.
Jack compares Gloria's taste to that of a Hollywood Madam, but we believe her taste has more in common with Rick James: major bling, a big gold G (hung on the wall in the Abbott living room), a huge portrait of herself over the mantle, fur, black leather, and of course obscene amounts of plastic surgery. She's a very freaky girl indeed.

Victoria gets married and somehow we're supposed to care.
As this was wedding number three for Victoria, it was difficult for us to get into the spirit. It did not help matters that we were privy to a most uninspired wedding decor as well as a French speaking Victor (to what we assumed to be a French wedding planner). These scenes had quite the opposite effect, and made us want to boycott the wedding altogether. So when our PVR accidentally didn't record the episode in question, we were relieved. What we did regret not seeing though for the umpteenth time was Noah as the ring bearer (as all the adults in his life play musical partners). We are truly saddened that we missed the image of Noah awkwardly carrying the satin pillow up the aisle-- a role traditionally reserved for boys half his age. Poor bastard.

Heather the DA: short for Dumb Ass
If Heather is so concerned about her career tanking, perhaps she should choose to not spend her time with felons as she did when she attended a party at Kevin's with Jana, Amber and Daniel (all of whom have been either prosecuted/investigated/charged by the DA's office). Not to mention being seen in public with the likes of Daniel's hair: that can't be good for anyone's career.

Questions of the week.
1. Why do the people who live in Genoa City not have any friends? Except for a few friendships that have been nurtured over time (think Katherine and Nicki, or Daniel and Kevin), other characters are not so endowed in the friendship department. This was clearly illustrated when J.T. had to ask Paul to be his best man, and Victoria had no choice but to ask Phyllis to be her "matron" of honour, someone she hated passionately before she slipped into a coma.
2. Can someone please tell us that J.T. and Victoria are not seriously moving back to the loft? What is wrong with these people? We have belabored this point to death, but my god, Victoria is worth millions and her choice of residence is a shitty rented loft in the bad part of Genoa City? Which begs the next question, with all that money, what the hell is she doing living in Genoa City anyway?
3. How great was it that Victor was compared to Tony Soprano this week by Nick? Why didn't we come up with that?
4. Who knew that not having a high school diploma, as well as having a career in stripping could prepare you to be the CEO of a major cosmetics company? Nicki Newman, a true inspiration.
5. Why does Victor have to ask Hope where Victor Jr. lives? As a man who "cares deeply about family", shouldn't he know this information?