Saturday, November 10, 2007

Displaced Gas (Oct.31-Nov. 9)

This blog will be published weekly on Mondays.

So the theory of what caused the Clear Springs disaster has finally been explained. Desperately needing a "Victor to English" Dictionary, it was difficult to decipher the details, but from what I can gather, Genoa City's Finest (GCF) went up in an ignited earth fart.

Victoria's coma.
Please, please Victoria, for our sakes, wake up. No more bedside anecdotes about how Victor hired a plane to "skywrite" a message for you to come home when you ran away as a child. Clearly, Victoria, you are contemplating checking out, and how can we blame you when these people populate your world?

Anymore bedside "chats" and I will be slipping into a coma myself.

A morphing Nicki Newman.
Is it just me, or does the make-up less Nicki look more and more like Paul Williams with each episode?

Victor drills for gas.
Everyone keeps speaking of Victor drilling for gas. I know logically that they are referring to the fact they hired crews to do it for him, but an image of him drilling shirtless, wearing his jeans and his hard hat, keeps coming to mind. The writers have surely missed a golden opportunity.

Paul's briefcase. *
How many years have we had to endure Paul's metal briefcase? I can remember as far back as when he was with Christine, so over 10 years? This style of attache screams, I am a power player, but a little bit different than your average corporate type. Or simply, I am carrying explosives.

Lily Winters. The Young and the Talentless.
Recently, Christel Khalil was nominated as one of the worst actors on daytime television. Her fake eyelashes have more range than she does. Poor Lily. First her mother dies, then her marriage breaks up, then an overwhelming bout of loneliness, and now this.

Lauren chooses sex over Enrique Iglesias performance.
I have a whole new respect for Lauren. She practically begged Michael to not go to Enrique's "sold-out" show at Indigo and stay home. She even tried to entice him with sex. Michael would have none of it. In the end she had to go and endure the "Clear Springs Relief Benefit" with a resulting panic attack. The funds raised from the audience of 30 must have been staggering.

So many sideways glances, so many dissolves, so little time.

Kindly stop.
Have you ever noticed how often Victor uses the word kindly? "Kindly shut the door behind you", or "Kindly get the hell out of here", or "Kindly trim my moustache a little more on the left", or "Kindly cinch my jeans up higher around my waist."

Victor, for the love of God, kindly stop saying kindly.

Maggie's mysterious stomach pain.
They are trying to pass off the fact that this pain is caused by an old gunshot wound inflicted by Phyllis, I mean Sheila. I don't think this is the cause. I think that it is more likely a reaction to Paul admitting that the best concert he's ever seen was Steely Dan.

The most overused phrase of the week:
The whole time I was trapped down there, I .......

Possible theory: *
Are they setting Cane up to be the next Victor? Think about it:
1. They were both orphans
2. They both have unidentifiable accents that vary in strength and origin.
3. Both are prone to mumbling
4. Both abused as children (well, Cane abused in the sense that he had no running water and had to live in the outback of Australia)
5. Both good with the ladies (or so they think)

Y&R Action figures.
Think about the possibilities. Collect them all. Esther in her maid outfit. Larry Warton with his wife-beater singlet and tool set (sold separately), Colleen 1,2 and 3, Devon and his cochlear implant (sold separately), Noah complete with smoothie, Zappato carrying a shoe, Miguel carrying Victor's slippers. The Victor doll would be the most coveted. It would come with removable "masks" that would illustrate the complexity of his character: Angry Victor, Sad Victor, Remorseful Victor, etc. The box would read: "He yells! He mumbles! He cries! He skywrites messages! He flower arranges! He assaults people! He dials in his performance!

Dru Who?
Well, Neil has officially moved on, as sex with another woman would indicate. But has he? Moments after "making love" to Karen (god, give me the strength to endure), he mentions his dead wife. Real smooth Neil.

Wish List:
1. John Abbott's ghost would appear with a sheet over his head like a real ghost. *
2. Sharon keeps the limp. This affect could lend a sort of Lynchian influence to Sharon's increasingly benign character. Think Patricia Arquette in Lynch's Lost Highway.
3. Victoria wakes up from her coma so Nicki will start wearing make-up again.

Questions of the week.
1. How much longer until Devon's hearing is cured and his cochlear implant removed? *
2. Where is Miguel? Is he waiting in the pantry, denied bathroom breaks, waiting, waiting, for any request that the Newman's may require of him?

Remember when...
Kevin Fisher was a creep who preyed on underage girls via the internet? Those were the days indeed.

Vocabulary of the week.
mise-en-abîme: Most any "story-within-a-story" situations can be called an example of mise-en-abîme. A literary term denoting self-reflection. Remember that old Quaker Oats box, with the picture of the Quaker holding a box of Quaker Oats, which in turn pictures a Quaker holding a box of Quaker Oats ad infinitum?

An example of mise-en abîme occurs when J.T reassures a comatose Victoria that he has been certain to record her favorite show for her: "that horrible guilty pleasure that only Nick and I know about...God forbid you should ever miss an episode." Sound familiar? Is not Y&R all of that and more for us poor addicted saps? They were referring to us. Are we being mocked?

* Inspired by observations made by friend, Jen.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"John Abbott's ghost would appear with a sheet over his head like a real ghost. " I laughed outloud when I read that.....very, very funny!

Keep up the good work!

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