Saturday, November 17, 2007

Gloria Reminds Her Son That She is a Sexual Being (Nov.12-16)

There was a lot of response to the proposed Y&R action figures mentioned in the last post. Here are some of the ideas suggested for additional figures and accompanying accessories:

Reader April's list of possible accessories for the Victor doll is impressive: removable eyeglasses, pitcher and water glasses, window with blinds on stand, portrait of himself, file folders with the Newman Enterprises and Clear Springs logos, anti-seizure medication vial, President's chair, trousers with change in the pockets, punching bag on stand, black tank top, cellphone with "You're Still the One" as Nikki's ringtone, and basketball and hoop. Given the upcoming holiday is approaching, one reader suggested a Christmas edition Victor where one could purchase his snowflake collection with miniature scissors and a drawer to hide them in. For a more high-tech effect, reader Paula, suggested a figure with Victor pointing his finger and a voice that says, "You got that????!!!!"

Let's not forget Daniel and his porn addiction. Reader Lori suggested his action figure come with porn videos (sold separately, of course).

I'm telling you, we're onto something big.

Gloria's make-up
Is it me or is Gloria's make-up taking on a life of its own? Imagine looking at that mess from an inch away as Jeffrey Bardwell has had to this past week in his attempts to bed her.

New Drinking Game.
When the writing becomes truly unbearable as it is apt to do, there is always solace in the Y&R inspired drinking games. We have already established the flip phone game, and now, the "I Get That" game: every time a character attempts the empathetic response of, "I get that", (so very Oprah), take a drink. Hell, take two.

Bedside Nicki.
Ok. I won't be too hard on Nicki because she's had a pretty rough week with the decision to kill her daughter and all, but let's face it, Bedside Nicki is a very scary entity indeed. In addition to the shock it is to see her without make-up, her tightly pulled and greased ponytail has upped the ante. You've got to had it to David Chow for still being interested, especially as this is the second Bedside Nicki he has experienced (Nicholas was the first mere episodes ago). He can't be into her for her money, as she has none left after the Clear Springs debacle.

Clearly, Nicki Newman is good in bed.

Neil "Smooth Operator" Winters.
Neil, you're scaring me. Last week you mentioned your dead wife to Karen in a post-coital moment, and this week, well, let's let your words speak for themselves:

Karen reveals that she will be in town for her favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, and makes an overture to spend it with you. Your response?

"I think I'm going to need that distraction, this is the family's first Thanksgiving without Dru".

A distraction? For the love of God Neil, even if it is true, don't tell her that she is only a distraction to you...

Stop it, you are getting into trouble now.

Best mispronunciation.
As David Chow bites into an apple, Neil tries to impress upon him his highfalutin ivy league education : "It [the apple] is not exactly haute cuisine, now is it?"

Impressive Neil, but too bad you pronounced it as "Hot" Cuisine and not haute cuisine. Must be a Genoan affect, or more likely, an impediment.

Gloria's to do List.
A person's "To-Do" list can be a window into their soul. "Buy cat food", "Dryclean wedding dress", "do taxes", "change oil in car". The author of such a list could be a married cat owner, who drives and is either a law abiding tax payer or is in the process of being audited. So what would the list that Gloria was working on reveal if one were to find it randomly on the street?

1. Get Jeffrey a job in the Hong Kong office.
2. Seduce Jeffrey and get contaminated cream.
3. Frame Jeffrey for a crime.
4. Continue to live with son and his new wife despite the fact that I am worth millions.
5. Remind my youngest son that I am a sexual being.
6. Get another face lift.


She's crafty.
Phyllis gets out her sexual frustration through making prison crafts consisting of a badly made pillow for Victoria and an equally hideous dollhouse for her daughter. What's next? A prison made porno movie for her son? A crocheted muzzle for Noah? A new portrait of Victor to replace the one in his office? Phyllis, for everyone's sake, do not quit your day job.

Questions of the week.
1. Who stocks the fridge in the Break Room at Newman Enterprises? Is it a free for all, or do employees have to contribute to a fund? And if so, how do the employees feel about guests like Lily helping themselves to whatever they want at each visit?
2. Is it really that "funny" or "cute" that most of the women on the show are bad cooks? How many "jokes" have there been about how Phyllis, Lily, Victoria, Gloria and Colleen are unskilled in the kitchen? Is being a modern woman and being able to cook mutually exclusive?

Wish list.
1. Jana realizes that she's in an abusive relationship with Phyllis, that Phyllis is her oppressor, sheds the Mary Poppins routine and kicks some serious prison ass.