Hell is in the Eye of the Beholder

It has been a challenging time of late for both Genoa City's Finest (GCF), and us, the viewer. In fact, it's debatable as to who has had it worse. On one hand, GCF has subscribed to a particular brand of hell that can only occur in Genoa City with a myriad of horrific events to contend with including: cancer (Lily), a stillbirth (Sharon), the death of an only child (Tracy), a psychiatric breakdown (Patti Williams), spouses cheating (Victoria on J.T.), declarations that there is no God (J.T.), the realization that you have no friends after a heart transplant- unless you consider your attorney as a friend (Victor), getting dumped the day before your wedding day (Paul), making ends meet by having to find a job as a manicurist at a dumpy salon after having been an executive at two major companies (Jill), having to date the biggest stick to hit the city limits of Genoa City (Chloe with Chance), having your inheritance revoked and being forced back into a maid uniform after your employer returns from the dead (Esther), and yes, the list does go on. What about us the viewer who has had our own version of hell to contend with? Namely being subjected to Victor "Mumbles" Newman 's attempt to communicate with tubes and an oxygen mask post-gunshot wound (as if it isn't hard enough to understand what the hell he's saying at the best of times)? How about Patti Williams' painfully unwatchable childlike enthusiasm that makes one wish for electric shock therapy (for both ourselves and for her)? And likewise having to endure Mac's resoundingly fake hairpieces and goody two shoes attitude? Lest we forget anything that has to do with the Ryder/Kevin/Daniel/Terroni story line? Who then has it worse? Perhaps because we always have the power to end it all with the simple push of the off button we are in a better position; but as we all know, giving up crack just ain't that easy...

Image of the month
Patti Williams "tidying up" and "making tea" for her guests in her padded cell . Definitely rivals the petting sessions with her stuffed dead cat.

Vows, shmows.
Are we really supposed to believe that Amber was that freaked out about having to marry Deacon? Since when do GCF give any credence whatsoever to the sanctity of marriage? Did she really think this would be a permanent situation for her and that once she says "I do", that there would be no way out? Does she not realize that in Genoa City it is expected that one breaks their wedding vows, and that the more timely one does it, the better? And while we're on the topic of Amber's wedding, what was Victoria doing there as one of only six guests? Not only had she cheated on her husband with the groom mere days before (again...wedding vows?) , but have she and the bride ever even had a conversation?

I can't quit you baby.
Just like Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson, Victor and Nicki just can't seem to quit each other. Could it be true love or a pathetic addiction? Just like Tommy, Victor is abusive to Nicki, and just like Pamela, Nicki is holding on to her bleach blonde looks for dear life. Does this then mean that like Pammy, Nicki will end up living in a trailer park? (Perhaps Billy could help her out with Murphy's old trailer?). Let's hope the comparison between the couples ends there and that there are no secret sex tapes of Victor and Nicki discovered by the hired help to be unleashed onto the world. Talk about punishment.

Questions of the month.
1. Why is Amber broke? What happened to all the money that Mrs. C. left her when she "died"? Did she have to pay Mrs. C back?
2. With its miserable track record of incorrect DNA results, and buy offs, how is it that the DNA lab in Genoa City is still legally operational?
3. Who's the bigger drip? Tracy or her husband, Steve?
4. Are GCF the only people allowed in the chapel at the Hospital?
5. Now that Colleen is gone from this mortal coil, does this mean there will be no more visits form Tracy? Please?