Sunday, December 2, 2007

Lily Channels Her Inner Dru (Nov. 26-30)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

So our favorite-girl-in-a-coma had her baby this week, and it has survived. Wishful thinking on my part would say that this is a sign that this storyline is coming to a conclusion. No such luck. Any hope I had of escaping this torment was dashed when it was revealed in the "teaser" for next week that Victoria will be moved to a long-term care facility. This does not bode well for any of us. I suspect that Victoria will remain in a coma until actress Amelia Heinle is finished her mat leave.

The Incubator Cam.
The POV from Victoria's baby's incubator is priceless. Safe within his incubator, this is a perfect vantage point for him to see Brad silently mouthing words of encouragement through the glass, Nicki trying to take pictures with her digital camera, (only to be blinded by the flash's reflection on the glass), J.T. looking lost in a suit, and so on. Without a doubt, the baby counts his blessings with every breath, most notably for the fact that there is glass and wire separating himself from these people.

Jana Jana Bo Bana.
I pray she and Kevin get married, if only to see Phyllis at her side as her maid of honor. Evidently, the relationship between Jana and Phyllis is more complex than I had originally thought. We never did get to see what went on in their cell when they were alone, and methinks it was not pretty. I suspect there was a little "you sure got a purty mouth" going on , with Phyllis the initiator and Jana the complier. Jana misses this one on one time, and to still feel connected with Phyllis has asked her to be a part of her wedding. As a prison bride she will have to be resourceful. Perhaps she should take a page from Julie Andrews' book from the "Sounds of Music" (an obvious role model for Jana, along with Charles Manson) and make her wedding dress out of prison issued curtains. Oh yeah, I forgot. Prisons don't have curtains.

Genoa City Freeloaders (GCF).
A good name for a Punk band? Perhaps. But unfortunately for Kevin, Genoa City's Finest (GCF) is interchangeable with Genoa City Freeloaders (GCF). Kevin seems to be running more of a charity for the rich and bored than a coffee house. The amount of comped coffee that goes on at Crimson Lights is astounding. And we're not just talking the plain cup of joe that used to be served when Sharon and Nick owned the joint. Now that Genoa City has become such a cosmopolitan and worldly place, they have graduated to the more expensive lattes, cappuccinos, mochas and the like. How does Kevin stay above the red then? My guess is that he's in cahoots with Victor Jr. and his South American cartel of coffee beans and perhaps a little white powder thrown in for good measure.

Nicki the Pill Popper.
Yet another addition to our growing arsenal of action figures. Nicki the Pill Popper is back. She was spotted gobbling up pills outside of the courtroom as she awaited the verdict of whether or not she would be allowed to kill her daughter. I would like more information about these pills. What kind of cocktail has she cooked up this time? Is Dr. Web in on it? He is on the Newman payroll isn't he?

Stoned Nicki. Could it be? Has my Christmas present come early? Stoned Nicki ranks right up there with Make-up-less Nicki and thankfully these two Nickis have a tendency to go hand in hand.

Bunny. Racket. Bunny Racket.
Where did these "nicknames " for Victoria come from? All of these years as Victoria grew up from a snotty-nosed brat, to a snotty-nosed adult, and not once have I heard her called "Racket" by Nick or "Bunny " by her mother. Victoria's coma seems to have had the opposite effect on those around her: people seem to be able to remember every single minute detail of their past with a crystal clear precision. Hell, Nicki even remembered that some 30 years ago, Victoria used to kick her left leg as a baby, just like Victoria's baby now does. A mind like a steel trap our Nicki Newman. Again I ask. What are in those pills?

Y&R Drinking Game, Part 3.
When Victoria's monitor goes off to indicate that death is imminent (and to jostle us all out of our own coma like state), don't take just a drink, but a go to town, drink the rest of whatever bottle it is that you are drinking. You've earned it.

Victoria's BP
The doctor mentioned Victoria's "BP "with the assumption that we all know what BP stands for. The obvious answer of course, is Blood Pressure as this has been an ongoing issue for her (God knows why considering all she does is lie there), but some other possibilities for this acronym could be:

Bi-Polar: Perhaps this is a more appropriate diagnosis for Victoria. After all it does run in the family, thanks to her father.
Bring Pillow: And that they did. A satin one at that. No wonder she doesn't want to wake up, with the comfort of that satin under her perfectly coiffed hair. This pillowcase captivates my attention more than the storyline itself. Does one need a doctor's prescription for such bed linen?
Buy Pickles: Perhaps bringing pickles to Victoria's bedside will bring Victoria out of her coma. Remember how much she loved pickles when she was pregnant? Imagine a pregnant lady, eating pickles? Precious! In professional circles it is commonly known that Dr. Web is doing research at John Hopkins on the highly controversial and experimental pickle procedure to rouse pregnant coma patients. What have they got to lose at this point?
Blatant Punishment: Is that what Doctor Web has ordered for all of us viewers as we are forced to be bedside with a comatose Victoria and her morose entourage week after week?

My gay dads.
Seriously. We shouldn't be that worried about Victoria waking up in order to look after her baby. J.T and Brad have got it covered. Did you see the way they "worked together" this week? Cooperative, and sensitive to each others needs. Brad could move into the loft with J.T. and they could raise the baby there. Victoria, the tribe has spoken.

Faces of Dru.
A "brilliant" new beauty campaign was thought up this week by Jill: Faces of Jabot...the Beauty is You. Sound familiar? Jill, inspired by Lily's "natural beauty", seems oblivious to the existing Dove Campaign for Real Beauty and is setting herself up for yet another lawsuit for Jabot. In an effort to motivate Lily to enter the contest, Colleen encourages her to"channel her inner Dru" -a scary prospect indeed. What does this mean for Lily? Embracing a mental illness? Cultivating an ability to make every single person in the room hate her? Turning herself into an obsessive, jealous, spiteful and violent, verging on psychopathic, hat-wearing weirdo? If so, then bring it on. It's time Lily evolved as a character.

Questions of the week.
1. If one is mentally impaired, do those disabilities carry through when one becomes a ghost? Would that mean then that John Abbot's ghost is still confused? Is that why he keeps showing up?
2. Why are Zapato and Fisher not being questioned for Ji-Min's murder? Dog hair was found on the body, so obviously they did it. Or perhaps it was Jana's brain tumour that did it?
3. Is it just me, or did Amber's disguise place her as a cross between a 1980s Lauren Fenmore and Darth Vader?
4. Is it supposed to be comforting to Brad and J.T. that Noah too was a preemie?

Wish list of the week
1. Starbucks comes to Genoa City and wipes out Crimson Lights.
2. I get invited to be one of Cane's 141 friends on "My Space "

Vocabulary of the week.
The Nick: What the staff at Crimson Lights have named Nick's over-ordered extra-thick strawberry milkshake with whip cream. Yes. For real.

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