Sunday, December 23, 2007

Victor Yells At Nicki. Again. (Dec. 17-27)

This week Victor was the pompous arrogant son-of-a-you-know-what that we all know and love, all the while ignoring every social convention in the book. There was plenty classic Victor to go around this week, and I reveled in every moment. And thus the highlights:

1. Behavior reserved for mere commoners, Victor deems it unnecessary to identify himself when leaving messages. And thus his message to Michael: "Michael Baldwin, call me as soon as you get this message." Click. Then again, between the mumble and the strange Germanic accent, the act of identifying himself would be nothing short of superfluous.

2. Victor refers to Detective Sullivan as "Detective-whatever-the-hell-her-name- is". If that doesn't spell g-u-i-l-t-y, I don't know what does.

3. When complaining to Neil about the police investigating him, he claims that "the cops and the DA would like nothing more than a rich and famous guy on the stand and I guess that defines me." So much for humility.

4. Victor is caught talking to himself and to no one in particular (as Victor is apt to do): "You want to play with Victor Newman? I've got news for you: I can take all of you on..." Word up.

5. After Victor receives the papers that Nicki will be suing him for a half a billion dollars, he smashes a framed photo of Nicki circa 1985 (the shoulder pads and big hair give away the era, although, Nicki rode that style well into the 1990s...) in slow motion no less. Simply beautiful to watch.

6. Victor has a hissy fit in front of David and Nicki, "You're suing me for half a billion dollars? Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?" He throws a chair against the wall and continues: "You want to play me at my own game? You fasten your seat belt, you're in for the battle of your life; the battle of your pathetic life!" Simply classic.

Catherine works it out.

Catherine Chancellor hits the Genoa City Athletic Club this week for the first time. Dressed in head to toe athletic gear, she makes a deal with Amber to be her personal trainer in exchange for a free gym pass. All the weeks of having to sit through the monotony of Victoria in a coma and Noah's neurotic outpourings at every turn, Catherine doing a few curls with her perfect helmet of hair for protection and her age appropriate workout gear, was the perfect present for each and everyone of us. Although, what we didn't ask for was to hear Catherine say the following: "I have sweated in my life, but I assure you it was in far more pleasant activities..."
Catherine, is that really necessary?

Teach your children well.
Not known for his originality, J.T. shares some of the things that he wants to teach his son:
1. How to catch a ball
2. How to ride a bike.
3. How to have a sense of humour (he'll have to hire one of the writers for that)

With his tendency to lean towards the cliche, nothing on this list is surprising. Clearly, J.T. needs to branch out. Some suggestions of activities he could teach his son:
1. How to roll joints with one hand.
2. How to surf online porn (could always ask Daniel for some tips).
3. How to marry a rich girl.

Summer's First birthday.
Where to begin. First of all did you see the birthday gift that Summer's billionaire grandfather gave her? A toque. Yes, a lousy toque (or a wool hat if you live in the U.S.). Shouldn't someone with the size of his bank account be buying his granddaughter her own private island in the Caymen's? Again, a hat? Shame on you Victor. I see a T-shirt in Summer's future that reads: "My grand-father is Victor Newman, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."

Also, what's up with the scene stealing cupcakes? They had more personality than everyone in the room combined. And did you get a load of how Nick ate his cupcake? With a fork! Who does that? All I know is that real men don't eat cupcakes, let alone with a fork. And if a real man were to eat a cupcake, he would do so in one bite.

Nicki talks pretty.
Nicki uses fancy works when trying to convince Jack to join herself and Chancellor Industries in suing Victor. "I promise you Jack, it would behoove you greatly to help us make our case as strong as possible". Pretty impressive for an ex-stripper wouldn't you say?

Lily the Partier.
Lily tries to prove to Cane how mature she is by claiming that "most girls my age are partying...I'm so over that!" What? When has Lily ever partied? Considering that she never has anything stronger than iced tea and that she is always studying, I'm not sure if she understands what she is saying. Unless of course she considers the time that Kevin and Daniel drugged her as the "partying" phase of her life? At least her best friend, Colleen, was a pothead in NYC for awhile. That I can respect.

Questions of the week.

1. How can one get a copy of the book, Ruthless, that was written about Victor? And if this book does exist as Nicki says, how is it that Victor didn't sue the publisher or buy every issue in existence like he did when Victoria posed as a centerfold and Victor bought up all the issues of the magazine, purchased the publishing company and had the publisher fired?
2. Why does Daniel always get stuck changing Summer's diaper?
3. Where did John get the festive Christmas moose sweater? Did he fetch it from the attic at the Abbott mansion expressly for his next "haunting"? I'm not sure what's scarier, his ghostly appearance, or a grown man wearing such a sweater...

Wish of the week.
More homoerotic workouts with J.T and Cane. Shirtless, sweaty and sharing the intimacy of their inner lives. Could J.T. be trying to make Brad jealous?

Remember When....
Victor hired pop/opera crossovers singers, Il Divo to serenade Nicki? She laments this "romantic" gesture this week, like it was a good thing. If she had any common sense, or any taste for that matter, she should have left Victor then and there.


Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading your blog. I am a Jack fan, Cane/Lilly pairing fan and I think Victor should have to spend a couple of weeks in jail just for the hell of it! More Cane and Lilly coming up next week! Woohoo

Anonymous said...

You are spelling Katherine's name wrong.

I'm glad someone else thought Summer's Bday party was a snoozefest.

I've been saying for months that we need more nekkid JT/Cane. Stupid writers.

Anonymous said...

What you are writing is so funny. I have been laughing right out loud.:)