Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sexually Transmitted Diseases for Genoa City's Finest

It takes a newcomer with a bad attitude to really put Genoa City's Finest (GCF) in their place, as seen with long lost sibling to Victoria and Nick, Adam Wilson, and now with long lost sibling to Micheal, Eden Baldwin. After spending some time with Eden this week, we realized that her name is not a reference to the Utopian part of the garden of Eden of Biblical lore, but rather to the post- bitten- apple- fall- of- mankind- part of the garden. You know, when everything basically went to shit. It is hard for us to believe that this high strung, angry and aggressive little number grew up in an ashram, as her behaviour is anathema to all things associated with a karmic upbringing. The biggest crime of all though - and much bigger than her father's own murderous crimes - is her glaring inability to act, making Esther look like Meryl Streep in comparison. We have been able to see the forest though the trees with our dear Eden though, and give her much props for telling Noah off and for having a bad attitude towards GCF in general. And thus to Noah:

“Listen , I’m not going to be living in this loser town for very long. I’m not going to your loser school. But even if I were staying in this loser town and going to that loser school, I sure as hell wouldn’t be seen with a loser like you. Got it."

Atta girl. Who cares if she can't act?

Admittedly, Eden's temper tantrums were about exciting as it got this week, even though Victor collapsed and was admitted to the hospital (again), was committed (again), and has subsequently disappeared (again). Except or a few moments when he wailed Sabrina's name and held onto the Kinder Surprise-esque egg that Sabrina had purchased for Victor's art collection, it was all really old hat.

In more exciting news though, a diagnosis for Heather's collapse finally came in: herpes. This is exactly what is needed to breathe some life into Genoa City: a good old fashion venereal disease epidemic. We can only hope for syphilis.

Insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain.

Rappers Cypress Hill would be more convincing proving their sanity than Victor Newman did this week. We question Victor's choice of words as he attempts to prove that he is mentally fit to an admitting psychiatrist:

Victor: '“I'm fine, I want to get the hell out of got it?"

Psychiatrist: "Your family is concerned about you"

Victor: "As well they should be..and I’m telling you what I told them: I don’t really give a damn how concerned they are, or how concerned you are...I want to be left alone."

Is this wise? Are these words you would use when trying to prove that you aren’t @%$* crazy?

Bursting with imagination, Uncle Billy's "pet name" for Colleen, CC, is confounding. We assume it stands for Colleen Carlton, but we can never be sure with GCF, so we came up with some other possibilities :

Can Can : when it comes to taking off her clothes, this is Colleen's mantra.
Carbon Copy: as in copying her best friend by sleeping with said friend's ex-husband, and scooping up her friend's job after said friend reluctantly resigns.
CCs. As in 10CCs of restylane to create her puffed out pout.
Cheap Champagne. Her only excuse for her behavior.
Consummate Callgirl: They way her career paths seems to be shaping up for her.

Questions of the week.
1. Did we see things clearly, or was Jack really talking (out loud!) to his father's ghost in a bar in New York City?


Anonymous said...

May I add a question of the week? Has any writer/producer/director of this show ever BEEN to NYC? NOTHING about that "art gallery" said new york city, nor did the "bar", which looks like it easily could have been a bar in Genoa City.

gcresident said...

LOLOL. I loved you article and have often wondered myself about some of the goings on on the soap!