Saturday, April 19, 2008

Finding Genoa's City's G Spot

Genoa City's Finest (GCF) have sunk to new lows this week, behaving like a bunch of name-calling children in a school yard. Phyllis calls Adam "annoying", David is labeled a "pipsqueak"by Victor, Jeffrey refers to Alistar as a "pusillanimous pile of pickled pig poo", Jack admonishes Gloria as a "monster in mascara", Michael refers to his own mother as "the old hag", Victoria rebukes Sabrina as an "opportunistic tramp" for having slept with her father, and Kevin asks his hoodie-wearing mother if she has indeed "joined a gang".

We don't quite remember the name-calling taking such a vociferous tone, but admittedly, we find it rather cathartic. It is as if the characters are saying exactly what we are thinking, making it easier to reconcile our dedication to the show...

Mrs. Chancellor becomes a "great"-grandmother.
It Never Ends
reader, Buddysnuddys, could not have summed up the "crisis" that has become Lily's pregnancy any better:

"Why is Lily worrying so much about possibly raising a baby? I mean, if the kid is anything like Reid, Fen, or Summer it will either sleep all the time, have a permanent nanny/nurse/babysitter, or sit lazily on someone's lap stuffing its face with food. Even when it gets older, it can just sleep over at someone's house every night like Noah. I'm still surprised they haven't shipped that kid off to boarding school yet, only to return 6 months later when he's the more interesting age of 18."

We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

What is really creeping us out is not so much that Lily, a mere child herself, is going to have a baby, or that Cane, 12 years her senior (and just barely avoiding a statutory rape charge) is responsible, is that Neil wants to be the father to his daughter's baby. We here at It Never Ends are quite disturbed by Neil's twisted view of what is means to be "dedicated" to one's children. Karen looked just as disturbed when Neil asked her why she didn't want to raise Lily's baby with him. Our advice to Karen is to stop unpacking her boxes ASAP, get the hell out of dodge, and try to find solace in her romance novels she loves to read. Neil is bad news, and his parenting style needs to be brought to task as shown by the f%#$ up that has become his daughter. Case in point:

1. At 16, Lily was given an STD by a much older Kevin Fisher.
2. At 17, Lily began a relationship with Daniel after he was charged with vehicular homicide, fled to L.A. with said felon, and after a bout in boarding school, secretly eloped and married him.
3. At 19, Lily divorced Daniel after discovering his addiction to pornography.
4. At 20, Lily, recently divorced and failing college, is now pregnant by Cane, 32, whom she has been dating for a couple of months.

Keep up the good work, Neil. You should write a chapter in Lynne Spears' book on parenting.

The G Spot.
Gloria makes herself at home at The Genoa City Athletic club after giving the mansion over to Jack. She marks her territory by hanging her giant gold G on the wall, but given her new hoodie "gangsta" look, we quite think the giant gold G should be hung around her neck instead. She could then go by "G Spot" instead of Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell. Far more marketable we think.

Questions of the week.
1. What does the former curator of the Georges Pompidou Museum, Sabrina, think of Victor's portrait hanging in his office? So far this is the only piece of art we've seen that Victor owns, even though everyone keeps talking about his extensive collection. Is this portrait worth anything? Who is the artist? Why isn't Sabrina asking these questions? Is she too embarrassed to acknowledge its existence?
2. Now that John's ghost is leaving for good, where will he go?
3. Is anyone else impressed by the raw creativity of Adam's Beauty of Nature campaign? Notably, a welcome screen on the website with models in the Mojave desert lit by lightening bolts. Yes, you heard right, lightening bolts. Damn that boy's good.
4. What are the chances that Adam will actually be able to convince Scarlett Johansson be the next spokeswhore for Beauty of Nature? Approximately Nil?
5. Why is it that Snoop Dog will be making an appearance on One Life to Live, and the best Y&R can come up with are drips like Enrique Igelisias and Pat Benatar? We feel royally ripped off, and wonder if we've devoted the last 20 years to the wrong soap. He's even rerecording the One Life to Live theme song. What a jip.


Keisha Morgan said...

L-O-V-E-D what you pointed out about Vic's painting, so interesting that Sabrina hasn't seemed to notice it. Too busy losing herself in the folds of his wrinkles I suppose.

Capt. Obvious

buddysnuddys said...

How honored am I? To be mentioned in one of my favorite blogs. Wow.

Jill said...

I am by extension honored that my best friends comment was referenced and i told her that something this exciting (because before you, and your blog, we didnt realize anyone else watches the Beloved Y&R and thinks the exact same things we do) can only be followed by a guest appearance on the newest 90210 reunion should they have one.
I have to agree with you on the portrait of victor, and think it should be replaced as i think he is more dashing now than ever, but then, as we often notice, Victor hasnt updated the home decor since 1982 either.
Am i the only one not appaled at the age difference thing with vic and sabrina and cane and whats-her-face? Cant we hook up adam and kay chancellor? ;)

日月神教-向左使 said...