Sunday, April 13, 2008

Stuffed Sheep, Inflatable Flowers and Metallic Rabbits: Just Another Week in Genoa City

It was a week of firsts in Genoa City and we here at It Never Ends were there every step of the way. Genoa City will get its first museum of contemporary art thanks to Victor's new concubine, Sabrina. Considering Genoa City has never even had a museum this is certainly monumental. So our question is: who will actually go to the museum? Esther? Gina? Miguel? Daniel? Amber? Jana? Somehow we can't see any of these people being able to focus for more than a millisecond, let alone the amount of time it takes to understand cerebrally charged modern art. Does this mean a new set is in the works? Or will it be housed in secrecy like Victor's existing art collection? We are thrilled to think that this museum could be yet another venue where Genoa City's Finest (GCF) can discuss their trivial lives, but instead of doing so over mediocre food (GC Athletic Club), coffee (Crimson Lights), and music (Indigo), they can now do so while gazing at stuffed sheep housed in plexiglass, inflatable flowers and metallic rabbits.

Another first this week was witnessing Victor type, an activity we would have assumed was relegated to his underlings. Impressive, even if he does subscribe to the hunt and peck technique.

And lastly, this week was the first time we have seen inside the fridge in the Newman break room. A thrilling notion for us, until of course we saw its contents. For some reason, we had imagined a fridge chock full with every delicacy under the sun, because after all, this is Newman Enterprises, the pinnacle of civilization. The way people, (including those who don't even work there), help themselves to a seeming unending cornucopia of bottled water, apples and yogurt, we assumed that it would indeed be bountiful. Wrong. Thanks to a lingering Adam, the fridge was left open long enough for us to see the shocking paltry pickings, leaving us profoundly disillusioned with all things Newman. Is there not a Costco yet in Genoa City? A museum of Contemporary Art before a big box store? Shameful.

BPD for GCF.
According to our medical experts here at It Never Ends, Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell has officially been diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder.

And thus, a Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) can be defined as "a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity (sound familiar?).

"A person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse (as we saw with the day she spent by herself after her sons abandoned her, and how she binged on booze, chocolates, and sunk into a deep depression). Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values (sudden decision to sell house to Jack, withdrawal from work, and an appearance that makes her look more and more like a drag queen each week). Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy (hence the abusive way she talks to her own portrait, in the third person no less). They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are (ummmm yeah). Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone (hence being married five times, and calling her sons 20 times a day a piece).

"People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from great admiration and love to intense anger and dislike (and thus the rollercoaster that are her feelings towards Jeffrey).

"People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, (ahem) binge eating (aforementioned box of chocolates) and risky sex (think back to when she slept with one of the actors she hired to play her sons so John wouldn't know that Michael and Kevin were her real sons?)."

Get thee some medication. Fast.

Polizia di modo.
Fashion in GC continues to evolve, with Sharon leading the pack this week wearing a man's white dress shirt under a strapless black cocktail dress.

Quite frankly, we've never understood this look. What is it? A dress or a shirt? A shress? A dirt? Make a commitment already.

Looks like the plunging neckline is still going strong in GC as Brad wore a version of his own, showing a flawlessly waxed chest-- perfect attire for sexually harassing his new colleague, Heather Stevens.

Dialogue of the week.
After Victor's night of coitus with his daughter's best friend; 40 years his junior:

Victoria: Thank you for taking such good care of Sabrina last night.
Victor: Anytime.


Questions of the week.
1. Did anyone else feel a brewing rage when Victoria suggested to Sabrina that she move into the Loft? How stupid do they think we are? Do they really think we haven't figured out by now that the Loft is now the Restless Style offices? Likewise, do they really expect us to believe that Jack was actually going to buy a new house? We know by now that the producers avoid having to build new sets like the plague, so a new Abbott mansion? Hardly. It's far easier (and cheaper) to give the house to Jack and have Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell live out her days at the GCAC.
2. Bets are on that Lily will "accidentally" lose the baby either due to the stress of juggling modeling and school, or a "fall" or "accident"of some kind. Aren't all unwanted pregnancies in Genoa City dealt with in a similar manner?
3. Did we hear correctly, or did Karen actually admit aloud that she reads romance novels? Also, does her moving in with Neil mean that Dru is actually dead, and that she won't appear after a bout of amnesia, and a year or two spent living with hillbillies in the Ozarks?
4. Does anyone actually give a shit about Nicki and David Chow's relationship?
5. If Lily is trying to hide that she's pregnant, why is she continually clutching her abdomen?


Anonymous said...

You echoed my thoughts, as always! Can I also point out that Gloria was bored and lonely yesterday (to the point that she called Kay for lunch), yet, um....did she forget she has a job?? How about going into the office? She must have a case of the Victorias. And to think, she thought she should be CEO of Jabot!!!

buddysnuddys said...

What do you think Sabrina thinks when she sees Victor's old, naked heinie? Do you think it's hairy? Oh, ew. MUST THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE...
Why is Lily worrying so much about possibly raising a baby? I mean, if the kid is anything like Reid, Fen, or Summer it will either sleep all the time, have a permanent nanny/nurse/babysitter, or sit lazily on someone's lap stuffing its face with food. Even when it gets older, it can just sleep over at someone's house everynight like Noah. I'm still surprised they haven't shipped that kid off to boarding school yet, only to return 6 months later when he's the more interesting age of 18.