Thursday, August 28, 2008

Genoa City: A Town Where Bad Breath Can Get You Fired

Heavily influenced by the management style of Catholic monarchs Ferdinand and Isabella of Spanish Inquisition fame, Adam demonstrates a fresh new approach to running Newman Enterprises. For as little as having bad breath, Adam accuses, denounces, condemns and ultimately burns whomever crosses him at the proverbial stake, or for those who prefer less dramatic terms, fires them. We find his approach refreshing, as nothing has been as rewarding as seeing the likes of Neil's ass being fired, along with Victoria's much bonier version of the aforementioned body part. We are praying for J.T. to get the axe as well, with hopes that once he is out of Newman and out of a suit, his frontal lobotomy will miraculously disappear.

The meek shall not inherit the earth.
The Newmans are anything but meek, which would make one think they would not be candidates for inheriting the earth. Wrong. Inheriting Victor Newman's estate, in our esteem, would qualify as inheriting the earth, and as none of the Newmans exhibit any of the characteristics of being meek (such as showing patience, humility and gentleness) this adage is clearly false. It got us thinking though...what is the opposite of meek then, as clearly that is what the Newmans are? The answer? Asshole.

And thus, Victor endows Adam with everything Newman, and "punishes" Victoria by leaving her his multi-million dollar art collection and Nicholas the building where Restless Style is housed. Victoria's inheritance hardly seems a punishment considering Sabrina's recent acquisitions for the Newman collection ran in the millions. A relief for Victoria indeed since she is now unemployed and is forced to live off of J.T's security guard salary. Our advice to Victoria: as tempting as it may be to leave the dead shark's bloody head of the Damien Hirst's piece in Adam's bed, sell it fast. With your standard of living, you will need the cash. Nicholas, on the other hand, got the short end of the stick given that he inherited a building in a Midwestern town where real estate is as cheap as...well...real estate in a Midwestern town. We reckon there is always their trust funds, whatever that may amount to. God forbid any of us would want Genoa City's Finest (GCF) to be penniless, struggling to meet basic needs such as putting food on the table and a roof over their heads. Far from it. Having achieved a higher level on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, they can get to the business at hand of unnecessarily complicating their lives: a far more entertaining prospect indeed.

What's in a name.
So we learned the etymology of the great man's name this week, and it is not pretty. Victor is because he will always win, you know, he is the "victor". And Newman is because he reinvented himself after having grown up in an orphanage (if we have to hear one more time about that damn orphanage...you got that???), so he became a NEW MAN. Get it? Wow. Clever. And ridiculous. And oh yeah, idiotic too.

Questions of the week.
1. What exactly does Paul have in his briefcase? A mini bar? A collection of tanning creams? Cocaine? We have belabored this point to death, but Paul's briefcase is probably one of the more interesting and enigmatic characters on the show: shiny, metallic, and well, distracting. Did Paul choose this briefcase because it is distracting? Given this logic then, what could Paul be hiding? Perhaps someone should be investigating Paul for a change. The hunter becomes the hunted: the ultimate paradox.
2. Is it just us, or do people not seem that busted up about Victor's death? With the fall of the great Zeus you'd think there would have been more drama: lightening bolts, earth quakes, plagues, human sacrifices, the works. Instead, we got a drunken Nikki in a Mexican bar: somehow it doesn't have the same punch.
3. Is Adam's concern with all things green (given the green line of cosmetics he is trying to plug at Newman), brought into question with his flying in a 6 course meal on the private jet for Heather from a restaurant in Brussels?
4. Does it bother Neil that neither of his children are actually his?
5. Did Nikki really sneak off the plane to stay in Mexico to find Victor, or was it because of the cheap and free flowing tequila?

Wish of the week.
1. That Victor returns and is not dead. Not for the reasons one may be thinking, but rather so Nikki can start wearing make-up again. We had to endure weeks of her sans maquillage when Victoria was in coma. Haven't we suffered enough?
2. That they are really not going to have us believe that Chloe is Esther's daughter? And if she is, what will style maven Chloe think of her mother's degrading and unfashionable maid uniform?