The Devil Went Down to Genoa (June 16-20)

Genoa City's Finest (GCF) gorge on another serving of family dysfunction this week, catapulting themselves into the category of family malfunction. Sabrina's marriage to Victor complicates the already vastly complex entity that is the Newman family as she is now stepmother to her best friend, Victoria, (and wonders why her best friend doesn't want to call her "mommy"). Likewise, she is now "mom" to Victor's estranged son, Adam, as well as to Nick who is only about 3 years her junior. Lest we forget her role as stepmother to stolen- sperm-turned-Abby-Abbott -Carlton-Newman, as well as her duties as step-grandmother to the growing retinue of Victor's grandchildren. The question is: will Victoria send Sabrina a mother's day card? Has it occurred to anyone that Victoria's best friend's baby will not only be her new sibling, but will also be her child's aunt or uncle? Is Genoa City actually not in Wisconsin as everyone thinks, but rather in the Ozarks? Gawd. No wonder Al Quaeda hates us so much.

Victor tells Adam (only now?) about his test-tube conceived half sister, Abby, and proudly explains that she "calls [Brad] 'dad', and me, 'Victor' ". Not something we would choose to boast about. Adam's manages to choke out a "that's very modern" response, but what we all know is he really wants to say - and would never dare to do so at risk of being cut out of the will - is:"that's really f$#@ed up".

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Chloe seems to be the only one with any life amongst the corpses that litter her life (so what if it's because of alcohol) as Devon, Cane, Lily and Neil (just to name a few) make the zombies from The Night of The Living Dead look like Las Vegas showgirls. As is the case with Gloria, the only people who seem to be the least bit engaging are those that drink until they are drunk. Lesson learned kids.

The Devil Went Down to Genoa.
The devil incarnate has descended upon GCF, and has taken the form of a hairless, square- jawed, vacuous mortal by the name of Brad Carlton. Beelzebub , or perhaps, Beelzebrad does what Satan does best: spreads lies and wreaks havoc on the souls of mankind, or in this case David Chow. In the Garden of Eden that is Genoa City, Beelzebrad tempts
David-my mouth-is-too-small-for-my-face-but-that-is-the-least-of-my-
concerns-Chow with the poison apple of gambling. David bites, and is expelled from the paradise of Nikki's bosom (Although this was David's choice as he considers himself no longer worthy). Then again, if we had a choice between Las Vegas and Nikki, unfortunately Vegas would win out as well.

Dialogue of the week.
When Sabrina's mother realizes that Sabrina has no one she knows coming to her wedding, she consoles her with:

"How embarrassing for you".

Not the best bed side manner, our mommy dearest, but in a way Sabrina deserves it. She should be embarrassed, in fact ashamed , that she has not one person she knows coming to her wedding, and who better to tell her of this fact (playing into the family dysfunction theme) than her own mother?

Questions of the week.
1. Is Sabrina's gauche overbearing mother just a recycled version of Lauren's? Is it a coincidence that they both appeared, uninvited, to their respective daughter's weddings, and caused endless tension? Coincidence? Or Laziness on part of the writers?

Could Hell Be Other People? (June 9-13)

In Jean-Paul Sartre's play, No Exit, he envisioned a hell consisting of, quite simply, a few people stuck in a room together for eternity. His back drop for hell was not the usual fire and brimstone chaos, but rather, an opulent salon, decorated in the finest of second empire motifs (not at all unlike that of Katherine Chancellor's or the Abbott manor for that matter). It is this notion of the company that you keep that can be hell that intrigues us, and thus Sartre's quote: "Other people are hell", could easily be an anthem for Genoa City's Finest (GCF). They are each other's hell, trapped in one big salon that is Genoa City. Nowhere to escape to, they mirror each other's flaws and shortcomings, and the most unfortunate part is that we are (voluntarily!) trapped alongside them, and for that, we are the biggest fools of all.

Another Father's day rolls around in Genoa City and its denizens celebrate once again the hell of their fractured relationships with their own fathers. Therefore we here at It Never Ends thought we would seize the opportunity to revisit a previous post (Feb. 11) that gave tribute to Genoa City's deadbeat dads (or perhaps: GCWF-Genoa City's Worst Fathers):

"Victor Jr., nails it right on the head after learning that Victor is his father. He asks Hope: "What kind of man stays away from his own son?" The answer? A Genoa City man. And thus Victor, Paul, Jack, and Danny have all made a point of showing little or no interest in their son's lives. Victor not knowing that his son went to Harvard and currently works on Wall St. is perplexing, as is Paul's lack of involvement in his son Ricky's life (especially considering he is currently dealing with the fallout of the lifelong neglect of his daughter, Heather). Then there's Jack, a man who definitely adheres to the "stay away from your son philosophy", as he never even mentions the son he shares with Diane Jenkins. Next up? Danny Romalotti, who "raised" Daniel by shipping him off to boarding schools while he toured the world spreading musical mediocrity. And where is he now when his son is in such dire need of hairstyle advice? Finally, Malcolm recently learns that he is in fact Lily's father, and as he is currently M.I.A, indicates that he does not give a you-know-what about his daughter. It is apparent that child neglect or rather, child forget, is simply an accepted social norm in Genoa City."

A few months later, we can now add that Victor will be trying his hand at being a father, yet again, as Sabrina announced that she is pregnant (not bad for a guy approaching 70 who's had a vasectomy). Will Victor be able to break the cycle as absentee father? (Nick and Victoria were shipped away to boarding school at a young age, and as adults have been replaced for a newer, younger family; Victor Jr. didn't come onto Victor's radar until a dying, blind, Hope made Victor promise to take some interest in his son's life, and Abby, the result of stolen sperm, is a perennial afterthought). His newest "crotch-dropping", won't have a chance either, because of Victor's advanced age, Victor will be dead before the child makes it to his or her tenth birthday. Way to go Victor. Go treat yourself to a hot dog, you father of the year you.

Webster's Dictionary for the Mentally Challenged.
Amber, underrated as both a scholar and wordsmith describes her "designs" (which are from what we can see shirts worn without a bottom), as "swedgy". The definition:

Swedgy: Swank and edgy.

Huh.

Karen, driver of the sane train.
Karen seems to be the only one with any sense. We would venture to say, more than any one we've ever seen on the show before. So much sense, in fact, that she left Neil, and got the hell out of Genoa City altogether. She even begged off of Neil's marriage proposal, and criticized him for "rushing in". Finally, someone is calling GCF on their favorite pastime: rushing to the alter. Everyone is always in such a damn hurry... almost as much of a hurry as they are to get out of the same marriage only weeks later. They are a fickle bunch our GCF, and Karen wants to have none of it. In fact, she prefers the world of romance novels to this hell on middle earth, and that's certainly not saying much.

Moment of the week.
When Kevin got snubbed by Katy Perry. Kevin's suggestion that "they all hang out together", was met with blank stares. Poor Kevin. Someone needs some cool lessons. Fast.

Questions of the Week.
1. What happened to Kay's memoirs? Did she realize as she sifted through the debris that is her memory, what a truly horrible person she is, forcing her to abandon the project altogether?
2. Discovering that Michael's father was a draft dodger and that he could be in Canada, will they have to consult a map in order to find out where Canada actually is?
3. Does Sabrina seem like she could have been a man at one time? Or perhaps just a younger version of Cher?

Trivialze the trivial.
Eric Braeden's (aka Victor Newman) real name is Hans Jörg Gudegast. We here at It Never Ends are overjoyed to have made this discovery.

The Advent Of GCSA: Genoa City's Self-Absorbed

This week it became glaringly apparent that Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are far too self -absorbed to give a shit about anyone other than themselves. And thus, Nicki claims to "know nothing" about her new husband David's former wives both having died under mysterious circumstances; and likewise Victor learns only now that his soon-to-be-wife, Sabrina, lost her father when she was 12, and that she is estranged from her mother. Is this not a testament to the extreme self- absorption that plagues GCFs at every turn? Furthermore, after 24 years of service, all Victor has to say about Miguel is: "He was a nice man...I will miss him"???? Did anyone know anything about Miguel? Did anyone ever bother to ask? If these people can't even conjure up enough interest to find out about their spouse's past, why the hell would they care about the hired help?

The case of the disappearing office.
So does Jabot actually have offices for its executives, or do they simply work in the boardroom on a rotational basis? In fact, the only actual office is Nicki's, (formerly Jill's despite her higher order on the food chain, and is now relegated to the boardroom). So please, tell us, where is Cane's office? Brad's? Katherine's? Gloria's? Victoria's (just think she gave up an office with a nursery at Newman to work at Jabot). And David's? (He and Nicki share, but Nicki obviously has dibs over the desk. No matter, David's too busy betting on horses with the names, Nimble Nicki and the like). To see the rootlessness of the Jabot executives is officially taking a toll on us, nevermind what it must be doing to them. Jabot needs to admit that they are seriously screwed for space, and set up a cube farm in the boardroom pronto.

Miguel. We hardly knew you.
So after 24 years of stilted performance and fastidious service, our favorite manservant is officially gone. We are devastated. For us Miguel represented the very reason why we watched the show. His unbelievable inability to act was stupefying, but like a car wreck, we could never pry our eyes away. Miguel devoted the best years of his life to the Newman's, and what did he get in return? Nada. Zero. Well, unless you consider Nicki "thanking" him by sending the angel for the Christmas tree that "he used to fuss over until it was perfect". Gee thanks. Are you also planning on sending a bonus, of say, a couple million as well, after having to endure the insipidness of the Newman family for over 25 years - including countless milkshakes made for the likes of Noah, Cassie, and other children pawned off on him, so the parents could get to the business at hand of discussing their shallow and insignificant lives? Except for a few bright moments of when Miguel dated Esther (so cute how the 'help' like to date each other!) and when he punched out Veronica/Sarah's (former maid at the Ranch) boss, it's been all pretty exploitive (considering he was virtually held prisoner at the Ranch, denied of an outside life, and took on the role of chauffeur, nanny, butler, maid, cook, Victor's boy toy and confidant, all rolled into one). Taking care of his sick aunt is sounding pretty good about now. As far as the producers go, though...talk about missed opportunity: 24 years, and then one day he simply never comes back? No car crash, no plastic surgery gone wrong, no murder, no fire? Geez. What a jip.

Devon- no- fun-whatever-his-last-name-is.
Could Devon possibly be any more of a drag? Ever since the cochlear implant/frontal lobotomy, it's be all down hill for our puritanical friend. We much preferred 'hoodlum Devon' as opposed to 'self-righteous Devon' who judges and nit picks everyone around him. It's time the implant comes out and Devon loosens up a bit. The only thing that can save Devon at this point is a relapse into delinquency. We can only pray.

Framed portrait of the week.
John wearing what looks like a straitjacket in a framed photo displayed prominently at the Abbot mansion.

Look of the week.
It was a toss up between Sharon's "RV chic" (tight white pants, dowdy yellow shirt, and fake tan) and Jana's "Helen Keller chic"(a 1940s school marm meets German hospital outfit).

Dialogue of the week.
"The worst mistake a man can make is to believe his own hype. To believe that he is impervious to pain or defeat. That he is omnipotent".

WTF? How can this have possibly come from Victor's mouth when he is guilty of all of what he is condemning? Does he not consider himself omnipotent? Does he not believe his own hype? And finally, is his middle name not Victor "impervious to defeat" Newman?

Jack's response to Victor's buying a shark for $12 million is worth mentioning as well:

Sharon: "Why would he [Victor] buy the dead shark?
Jack: "Maybe he mistook it for a self-portrait".

Questions of the week.
1. Does resident half man/half beast, Phyllis Summers Abbott Newman seem disappointed that her husband's half brother, Adam, is no longer interested in flirting with her? Was the bra she wore to the gym to work out in her last ditch attempt to entice him, and alas to no avail?
2. Is it just us, or does 8 weeks at camp for an 11 year old boy border on abusive? Don't get us wrong, we are relieved that the show will be Noah-less for the next 8 weeks, but my god. Again, when is Social Services going to finally step in?
3. What exactly is the difference between a mansion and an estate? Jack holds the lowly position of possessing only a mansion, faced with Katherine's estate; mocking him at every turn.
4. Who was the lucky recipient of Noah's alleged first kiss this week (so grown up!). Sam?

Victor Finds His Animal Spirit (May 26-31)

Who knew that having your very own sweatshop could be so hip? Evidently Jabot does. First they revealed that they find their Malaysian sweatshop workers wages of .08/hr too rich for their blood and then Jill announced this week that she layed people off who "have been working for Chancellor Industries since the 80s." If our math is correct, these poor saps devoted the best years of their lives (30 or so), and Jill simply discards them as if she were ridding of a pesky fly? What pray tell is going on at Jabot? Are we supposed to be impressed by this unabashed wielding of power and exploitation? Is it considered acceptable because it is women making these decisions?

Another highlight this week, with no irony lost on us of course, was that David bet large and lost large on a horse called, brace yourselves, Nimble Nicki. Yes, Nimble Nicki.

The end of Paggie. The end of Maul.
So it's confirmed: Maggie and Paul are over. J.T. confirmed what we all suspected was true through a comment to Paul about being single. What the hell? Did we miss something? Did Maggie get fired from the force? Did she get fed up with Paul obsessing over his ex, Nicki's relationship? Was it the hair plugs? The fake tan? The metal briefcase? The halitosis? We the motoring public deserve to know, dammit.

If Victor had an animal spirit, what would it be?
After spending a cool $12 million on Damien Hirst's shark, it became apparent that Victor's animal spirit could indeed be the notorious predator. Admittedly, we love Victor's facile commentaries on the world around him, especially since they always seem to be in reference to himself. And thus:

"Sharks are fearless, and inspire fear" (like you , right Victor???).

"A relationship is like a shark, you need to keep moving forward to stay alive" (to include moving forward from Nicki to bed your daughter's best friend?).

We quite agree that the shark is very apropos as a metaphor for Victor, especially given how sharks A) don't care for their babies after they are born (sound familiar, Victor?) and B) eat other sharks (Victor is a man eater in his own right). Does this then mean that Victor has replaceable teeth as well? Impressive though that Sabrina was able to woo Hirst's shark from the MET considering it is on loan there until 2010. From The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York to The Victor Newman Gallery in Genoa City. Talk about a demotion.

Would you like some Tourettes with your Asbergers?
Adam, unable to control himself YET AGAIN, unleashed another gravely inappropriate comment this week when he told J.T. that he was nothing but a "rent-a-cop in a nice suit". This was topped by his opening line to Heather at the GCAC gym: "Nice glutes" (translation: "nice ass"). These comments are consistent with his ongoing, and unrestrained critique of everything GCF (Genoa City's Finest). For our team of experts here at It Never Ends, there is still some confusion over a diagnosis for Adam. Could it be Tourettes, or Aspergers?

The case for Aspergers:
Persons with Aspergers Syndrome show marked deficiencies in social skills. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language), and very often the individual has difficulty determining proper body space. As they perceive the world differently, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and not the result of "improper parenting". (Lucky for Victor, he can now wash his hands like he is so apt to do).

The case for Tourettes:
Tourette syndrome (TS) is an inherited disorder of the nervous system, characterized by a variable expression of unwanted movements and noises (tics), [or in the case of Adam] manifests in the expression of socially inappropriate comments or behaviors.

Whatever condition Adam has (we suspect a bit of both), let's hope he doesn't get treated for it. It is way too enjoyable to hear him tell GCF like it is.

Dialogue of the week.
In our opinion, the scenes between Michael and his mother are always worth revisiting, and this week we were not disappointed. And thus the winning dialogue:

Gloria: Where am I supposed to sleep?
Michael: I pictured you hanging from the rafters wrapped in your own leathery wings...

and

In response to Gloria being fired by Jill:

Michael:I'm not surprised that Jill fired Gloria, I'm just surprised it took so long. I mean, would you keep an employee who worked a solid 40 hours a year?

Questions of the week.
1. Have you noticed that since Nicki got her own office, that Jill no longer has an office and is now forced to set up shop in the boardroom? Coincidence?No wonder Jill's so pissed off with Nicki.
2. Does Sabrina know that her new assistant, Jana, is a murderer and an ex-felon?
3. Is it still considered sexual harassment when it's your ex-husband harassing you? Is Victoria going to have to slap a sexual harassment suit on Brad now that they will be working together at Jabot? As a serial sexual harasser, Brad better watch out. Victoria is in no mood.
4. Does it not seem odd to have Adam and Heather brag to each other about their ivy league accomplishments at Harvard and Princeton respectively, when in reality these actors have probably never finished high school?
5. Why can't Lauren help Gloria out? Shouldn't she be worth millions as the sole heir to the Fenmore Department store chain? And likewise, why can't she offer Gloria a job at the boutique rather than pawn her off at the coffee shop? What happened to the boutique? Has the set been used for Nicki's new office?
6. Was anyone else disturbed that Lily and Cane "made love" on the couch despite the fact that she currently has two roommates?

Genoa City's Finest Go Waco

Big news in Genoa City this week as Nicki finally gets her own office (most likely at the expense of the profits made from the .08/hour they are paying their Malaysian sweat shop workers, as revealed by Brad); Heather Steven’s hair is taken to heights of absurdity as she takes style tips from My Little Pony; Adam inevitably receives the wrath of his new father after acquiring a company with a lawsuit pending from Jabot; David is revealed to be a killer (scene killer undoubtedly) ; and Nick regains his memory and still decides to stay with his half man/half beast of a wife, Phyllis.

Manson. Jones. Koresh. Newman?
Daniel's attempt to leave GC for a mere two months to go on tour with his has-been rock star father was met with nothing short of panic. A 21 year old who wants to leave his shit-ass town for 2 months to go see the world with his father? Is this such an unreasonable request, really? Phyllis acted like he was going off to do a tour in Iraq for god's sakes. This extreme reaction seemed eerily reminiscent of the resistance one would face when trying to
leave a cult. So it begs the question: are Genoa City's Finest (GCF) part of a cult? Further research allowed us to compile a list of the criteria for what constitutes a cult, and upon perusal, we are convinced. And thus the list:

• Charismatic or messianic leader who is self-appointed and has a special mission in life (think Victor, whose special mission is to make money no matter what and to belittle and undermine all those around him in the process)


• The leader is not accountable to any authorities (think Victor who has been notoriously seen as living above the law).


• Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished (hence anyone who has ever questioned or disagreed with Victor is obliterated either professionally, financially or emotionally)


• Instills a fear of leaving the group (and thus the panic that surrounds anyone who tries to leave the fold...as we've seen with Daniel last week)


• Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members (and thus the cesspool of incestuousness that is Genoa City)


• Diminished intellectual ability, vocabulary and sense of humour (with each episode this becomes more and more of an issue for GCF)


• Reduced use of irony, abstractions and metaphors. (ditto)


• Reduced capacity to form flexible and intimate relationships (where would the show be without this as a premise?)


• Poor judgment. (A prerequisite for all of GCFs)


• Physical deterioration. (Katherine Chancellor)


• Malnutrition. (Only choice of sustenance for GCF is the food at the Genoa City Athletic club, and Gina - do not underestimate her powerful role in this cult - ensures that members are deprived of the necessary nutrients as a tactic for keeping them disorientated and susceptible to emotional arousal and vulnerability).


• Hallucinations, panic, guilt, identity diffusion and psychosis (Hallucinations? Think Jack with his father’s ghost. Think Jana and her brain tumour. Panic? Think Lauren and her panic attacks. Guilt? Think Jana and Gloria, Nick, Paul, hell everyone, except for of course, leader Victor. Identity Diffusion? Psychosis? Where do we begin?


• Verbal abuse (A passion and skill for leader, Victor)


• Sleep deprivation and fatigue (is it a coincidence that GCFs are all self-proclaimed workaholics?)


• Sexual promiscuousness (no comment)

Dialogue of the week.
Victor's reference to David Chow as a "professional parasite."

Does that make Victor a professional asshole then?


Questions of the week.
1. How can Nick and Sharon work with Daniel knowing that he was inadvertently responsible for their daughter's death?
2. Three words. Danny Romalati's groupies? Two more words. Yeah right. Please tell us, whom or rather what would want to sleep with Danny anyway?
3. How did Nicki feel when she received some shitty pesos from David as "memorabilia" for their wedding, when she endowed him with an expensive watch?

To Reach or To Retch: That Is the Question

Jack could not have summed it up any better: will people reach for Restless Style when given the opportunity, or will they retch? Our prediction? Most likely both, reaching first, and then retching after viewing. We agree that it was a good "business" move to give Lily the boot and to go with an actual model for the cover. It's probably the best business move they've made since, well, ever. Not that hiring Amber wasn't, or Phyllis' son, Daniel, a porn addict and former felon to work as a photographer, or calling in Kathy Hilton to provide advice for their first issue... although, we do think Snoop Dog would have been a much better choice. (Yes, we are still bitter that he made an appearance on One Life to Live. And who does Y&R get? Kathy Hilton. Gawd).

Newest Drinking Game.
To continue in our series of drinking games for Y&R, not only has Sabrina inspired a renewed interest in Viagra for Victor, she has inspired a new way for us to ease the pain of watching their relationship blossom. Every time she says "mon cheri/mon amour" (or a variation thereof) to her octogenarian lover, take a drink. God knows, we all need one after having to endure him eat her face like a cat slurping up canned food from a bowl.

Line of the Week.
Surprisingly it came from David-I-have-zero-personality-and-the-most-interesting-thing -about-me-is-that-have-a-gambling-problem-Chow, when he and Nicki arrive in Mexico to get married only to discover that the villa advertised in the pamphlet wasn't anything like the place in reality. And thus David's query:

"What's Spanish for "you've been punked?"

Come to think of it, it is rather apropos that David quote Ashton Kutcher, as Nicki and David are a little bit like Demi and Ashton themselves (in terms of age difference and the women both having F***ed up children).

Keep it up David, and you may redeem yourself to us yet.

Nicki And the Unwashed Masses.
Sounds like a punk band? Perhaps. But this week Nicki Newman was nothing short of traumatized as she was forced to rub shoulders with the aforementioned masses, in economy class no less! Those wacky poor people! When will they ever learn? But so entertaining! Take for example the woman who insisted she sit between Nicki and David. Not only was she completely mentally ill, but she also brought her meowing cat on board with her! She then fell asleep on Nicki's shoulder and snored something fierce! Where in the world would we be without those affable yet offensive plebes! Bravo! What a story for Nicki to tell the other Genoa City's Finest (GCF) at the Athletic Club!

Questions of the week.
1. Seeing Nicki open up to the possibilities of economy class, it got us thinking of other forms of public transportation. Is there a Genoa City Public Transit Authority (GCPTA)? If so, has anyone ever taken it? Is it possible to take a bus out to the Chancellor Estate for example? How about out to the Genoa City University? A direct connection to the Tack(y) house? If Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are so concerned with going "green" as both Jabot and Newman would have us believe with their green product lines, then maybe they should get out of their SUVs and take the bus. We would pay good money to see Mrs. C or Victor riding the bus. Again, to think of what crazy and "entertaining" people they could discover as they are forced to rub shoulders with Genoa City's Worst (GCW).
2. What kind of stepmother will Sabrina be to Adam, Victoria and Nick? Is she prepared to be Abby's step-grandmother as well?

MIA in GC

We here at It Never Ends will be in Genoa City this week and the next for interviews at both Jabot and Restless Style (Newman wouldn't see us due to security issues-evidently J.T. is doing a bang-up job), so there will be no posts, this Monday, or the next. En route there was a mix-up [the pilot of our private jet read QC (Quebec City) instead of GC (Genoa City)], with us ending up in the French speaking province instead, albeit momentarily. The upside was that we were were able to catch an episode of Y&R on the flight, en francais no less, titled as "Les Feux D'Amour" (The Fires of Love). Finally...some decent French spoken in Genoa City...

Buddhism is the New Black: Genoa City's Finest Attempt Enlightenment

The convoluted lives of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) keep us intrigued for another week (albeit how much is up for debate) with Neil continuing his fight to become the father of his daughter's baby (although this became a moot point come week's end when it turned out that Lily wasn't pregnant after all, as predicted by this blog); Adam continues his bid to belittle all things Newman by calling Victoria a narcissist; Phyllis becomes sloppy seconds after Victoria fires Sabrina as Reid's godmother and assigns the role to Phyllis (a surprising choice given that Phyllis had to have her own child taken away from her); Jana abandons her goth ways, her passion for ghosts and goblins, and her worship for serial killers for Buddhism, making a complete mockery out of this 2500 year old religion/philosophy; and Gloria and Jeffrey finally consummate their twisted relationship, leaving us wishing desperately we could have back those 30 seconds of our lives...

Karma Chameleon: Genoa City's Finest find Buddhism.
Gloria finds Buddhism through the guidance of her mentally unstable daughter-in-law Jana and decides she wants to give back by adopting a baby. This is all self-serving of course, as she admits that she is doing it to earn valuable Karma points. With Gloria's age bordering on offensive, will she live long enough to see the child's 2nd birthday?

Dialogue of the week.
The winner goes to a conversation between David and Nicki regarding the inappropriateness of Sabrina's presence at Reid's christening:

David: Victor's insensitivity is off the charts.
Nicki: It always has been.
David: You're handling it all with such grace.
Nicki: I think I liked him better when he was cutting up paper snowflakes...

Here here. Remember that kindler gentler Victor, bordering on developmentally challenged? How we miss him, and long for his return.

The runner-up prize goes to dialogue exchanged between J.T. and Paul as J.T. brags about Reid:

J.T. : Reid loves to look in the mirror.
Paul : Just like his dad...

Ouch. Nice work Paul.

Polizia di modo.
Genoa City fashion. Is that not an oxymoron? This week we saw that once again ne'er shall those 3 words be placed in the same sentence. And thus, Amber made a splash at Indigo wearing another one of her creations, an orange tutu with S&M embellishments. We've always said that no one does an S&M tutu better than Amber. Sharon made her own statement(of what exactly, we're not sure) in a Khaki sleeveless cargo dress complete with a collar reminiscent of batwings; Cane's skin tight silk shirt questions his suitability to be a father; Victor showed off his manliness in a black wife-beater in a post-coital moment with Sabrina, clearly too classy for the white variety more typical to a trailer park; and Nicki's fluorescent pink dress complete with shoulder pads had us blink our eyes and think we were back to 1986 again when we first started watching the show.

Wish of the week.
1. Alistair/John/Ghost is officially out of the picture, and if he does stay that he gets his eyebrows professionally shaped and waxed.
2. That the geriatric sex stops.
3. In order to counter a new trend in Genoa City of much older men dating younger women, we quite agree with It Never Ends reader, Jill, that Katherine and Adam should hook up.

Questions of the week.
1. Is there actually any wall space at the Victor Newman Contemporary Art Gallery for hanging art? It seems to us that it's all windows...perhaps the choice of the former loft wasn't such a good idea as a gallery. When will they figure this out? When they attempt to hang their first piece?
2. Did any one else notice the timing of when Lily finally realizes that she liked Chloe? Is it a coincidence that this comment came on the heels of Chloe telling Lily that she envies her?
3. Has the "death by chocolate" dessert from the club taken the place of the "smoothie" from Crimson Lights as the coveted dessert for GCFs?
4. How long until Sabrina, someone we assume likes to surround herself with all things modern, tries to redecorate the outdated claptrap that is the ranch?
5. Realistically what are the chances of Phyllis seeing Adam in NYC, a city with a population of over 8 million?
6. Does this mean that Reid now has two godfathers since both Nicholas, and Phyllis, Genoa City's resident half- man half beast were both approached by Victoria?

Finding Genoa's City's G Spot

Genoa City's Finest (GCF) have sunk to new lows this week, behaving like a bunch of name-calling children in a school yard. Phyllis calls Adam "annoying", David is labeled a "pipsqueak"by Victor, Jeffrey refers to Alistar as a "pusillanimous pile of pickled pig poo", Jack admonishes Gloria as a "monster in mascara", Michael refers to his own mother as "the old hag", Victoria rebukes Sabrina as an "opportunistic tramp" for having slept with her father, and Kevin asks his hoodie-wearing mother if she has indeed "joined a gang".

We don't quite remember the name-calling taking such a vociferous tone, but admittedly, we find it rather cathartic. It is as if the characters are saying exactly what we are thinking, making it easier to reconcile our dedication to the show...

Mrs. Chancellor becomes a "great"-grandmother.
It Never Ends reader, Buddysnuddys, could not have summed up the "crisis" that has become Lily's pregnancy any better:

"Why is Lily worrying so much about possibly raising a baby? I mean, if the kid is anything like Reid, Fen, or Summer it will either sleep all the time, have a permanent nanny/nurse/babysitter, or sit lazily on someone's lap stuffing its face with food. Even when it gets older, it can just sleep over at someone's house every night like Noah. I'm still surprised they haven't shipped that kid off to boarding school yet, only to return 6 months later when he's the more interesting age of 18."

We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

What is really creeping us out is not so much that Lily, a mere child herself, is going to have a baby, or that Cane, 12 years her senior (and just barely avoiding a statutory rape charge) is responsible, is that Neil wants to be the father to his daughter's baby. We here at It Never Ends are quite disturbed by Neil's twisted view of what is means to be "dedicated" to one's children. Karen looked just as disturbed when Neil asked her why she didn't want to raise Lily's baby with him. Our advice to Karen is to stop unpacking her boxes ASAP, get the hell out of dodge, and try to find solace in her romance novels she loves to read. Neil is bad news, and his parenting style needs to be brought to task as shown by the f%#$ up that has become his daughter. Case in point:

1. At 16, Lily was given an STD by a much older Kevin Fisher.
2. At 17, Lily began a relationship with Daniel after he was charged with vehicular homicide, fled to L.A. with said felon, and after a bout in boarding school, secretly eloped and married him.
3. At 19, Lily divorced Daniel after discovering his addiction to pornography.
4. At 20, Lily, recently divorced and failing college, is now pregnant by Cane, 32, whom she has been dating for a couple of months.

Keep up the good work, Neil. You should write a chapter in Lynne Spears' book on parenting.

The G Spot.
Gloria makes herself at home at The Genoa City Athletic club after giving the mansion over to Jack. She marks her territory by hanging her giant gold G on the wall, but given her new hoodie "gangsta" look, we quite think the giant gold G should be hung around her neck instead. She could then go by "G Spot" instead of Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell. Far more marketable we think.

Questions of the week.
1. What does the former curator of the Georges Pompidou Museum, Sabrina, think of Victor's portrait hanging in his office? So far this is the only piece of art we've seen that Victor owns, even though everyone keeps talking about his extensive collection. Is this portrait worth anything? Who is the artist? Why isn't Sabrina asking these questions? Is she too embarrassed to acknowledge its existence?
2. Now that John's ghost is leaving for good, where will he go?
3. Is anyone else impressed by the raw creativity of Adam's Beauty of Nature campaign? Notably, a welcome screen on the website with models in the Mojave desert lit by lightening bolts. Yes, you heard right, lightening bolts. Damn that boy's good.
4. What are the chances that Adam will actually be able to convince Scarlett Johansson be the next spokeswhore for Beauty of Nature? Approximately Nil?
5. Why is it that Snoop Dog will be making an appearance on One Life to Live, and the best Y&R can come up with are drips like Enrique Igelisias and Pat Benatar? We feel royally ripped off, and wonder if we've devoted the last 20 years to the wrong soap. He's even rerecording the One Life to Live theme song. What a jip.

Stuffed Sheep, Inflatable Flowers and Metallic Rabbits: Just Another Week in Genoa City

It was a week of firsts in Genoa City and we here at It Never Ends were there every step of the way. Genoa City will get its first museum of contemporary art thanks to Victor's new concubine, Sabrina. Considering Genoa City has never even had a museum this is certainly monumental. So our question is: who will actually go to the museum? Esther? Gina? Miguel? Daniel? Amber? Jana? Somehow we can't see any of these people being able to focus for more than a millisecond, let alone the amount of time it takes to understand cerebrally charged modern art. Does this mean a new set is in the works? Or will it be housed in secrecy like Victor's existing art collection? We are thrilled to think that this museum could be yet another venue where Genoa City's Finest (GCF) can discuss their trivial lives, but instead of doing so over mediocre food (GC Athletic Club), coffee (Crimson Lights), and music (Indigo), they can now do so while gazing at stuffed sheep housed in plexiglass, inflatable flowers and metallic rabbits.

Another first this week was witnessing Victor type, an activity we would have assumed was relegated to his underlings. Impressive, even if he does subscribe to the hunt and peck technique.

And lastly, this week was the first time we have seen inside the fridge in the Newman break room. A thrilling notion for us, until of course we saw its contents. For some reason, we had imagined a fridge chock full with every delicacy under the sun, because after all, this is Newman Enterprises, the pinnacle of civilization. The way people, (including those who don't even work there), help themselves to a seeming unending cornucopia of bottled water, apples and yogurt, we assumed that it would indeed be bountiful. Wrong. Thanks to a lingering Adam, the fridge was left open long enough for us to see the shocking paltry pickings, leaving us profoundly disillusioned with all things Newman. Is there not a Costco yet in Genoa City? A museum of Contemporary Art before a big box store? Shameful.

BPD for GCF.
According to our medical experts here at It Never Ends, Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell has officially been diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder.

And thus, a Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) can be defined as "a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity (sound familiar?).

"A person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse (as we saw with the day she spent by herself after her sons abandoned her, and how she binged on booze, chocolates, and sunk into a deep depression). Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values (sudden decision to sell house to Jack, withdrawal from work, and an appearance that makes her look more and more like a drag queen each week). Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy (hence the abusive way she talks to her own portrait, in the third person no less). They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are (ummmm yeah). Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone (hence being married five times, and calling her sons 20 times a day a piece).

"People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from great admiration and love to intense anger and dislike (and thus the rollercoaster that are her feelings towards Jeffrey).

"People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, (ahem) binge eating (aforementioned box of chocolates) and risky sex (think back to when she slept with one of the actors she hired to play her sons so John wouldn't know that Michael and Kevin were her real sons?)."

Get thee some medication. Fast.

Polizia di modo.
Fashion in GC continues to evolve, with Sharon leading the pack this week wearing a man's white dress shirt under a strapless black cocktail dress.

Quite frankly, we've never understood this look. What is it? A dress or a shirt? A shress? A dirt? Make a commitment already.

Looks like the plunging neckline is still going strong in GC as Brad wore a version of his own, showing a flawlessly waxed chest-- perfect attire for sexually harassing his new colleague, Heather Stevens.

Dialogue of the week.
After Victor's night of coitus with his daughter's best friend; 40 years his junior:

Victoria: Thank you for taking such good care of Sabrina last night.
Victor: Anytime.

Gross.

Questions of the week.
1. Did anyone else feel a brewing rage when Victoria suggested to Sabrina that she move into the Loft? How stupid do they think we are? Do they really think we haven't figured out by now that the Loft is now the Restless Style offices? Likewise, do they really expect us to believe that Jack was actually going to buy a new house? We know by now that the producers avoid having to build new sets like the plague, so a new Abbott mansion? Hardly. It's far easier (and cheaper) to give the house to Jack and have Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell live out her days at the GCAC.
2. Bets are on that Lily will "accidentally" lose the baby either due to the stress of juggling modeling and school, or a "fall" or "accident"of some kind. Aren't all unwanted pregnancies in Genoa City dealt with in a similar manner?
3. Did we hear correctly, or did Karen actually admit aloud that she reads romance novels? Also, does her moving in with Neil mean that Dru is actually dead, and that she won't appear after a bout of amnesia, and a year or two spent living with hillbillies in the Ozarks?
4. Does anyone actually give a shit about Nicki and David Chow's relationship?
5. If Lily is trying to hide that she's pregnant, why is she continually clutching her abdomen?

Victor Sees the Creative Power of Anger (Mar.31-Apr.7)

Never underestimate the power of the viewing public. Last week here on It Never Ends, we commented on Lauren's glaring neglect of her first born (and much forgotten) son, Scottie, and voila, mere days later, Lauren receives a phone call from said discarded progeny. A coincidence? Perhaps, but we prefer to think that this blog was the impetus for Scottie to make that phone call home. Now that this contact has been made with Scottie, will anything actually come of it? Or is this just a token gesture to appease us? We are highly doubtful that a storyline involving Scottie will resurface without Sheila and her kidnapping ways, because otherwise, let's face it Scottie is as about as interesting as a sock, and a storyline sans Sheila just wouldn't cut it.

Polizia di moda.
Fashion in Genoa City has taken on a life of its own since the launch of the "groundbreaking" Restless Style, and we're here to report every painful detail. Who wants to read Lauren Fenmore's fashion column anyway? Puhlease.

And thus, the plunging neckline, worn by both sexes, took on a life of its own in GC this week, making us wonder if this show should be rated. Phyllis brought out her "ladies" in a plunging black number; a surprising choice for the workplace as well as for someone who is "concerned" about being hit on by her husband's half-brother. And likewise, representing the less fairer sex, Victor's chosen attire for a private art tour with Sabrina was a black dress shirt unbuttoned to his navel. Gold chains, and the outfit would have been truly complete.

So the question is now: who wore it better, Victor or Phyllis?

Modern Faart.
Do you remember the episode of The Brady Bunch when they went to Disneyland, and how strange it all seemed to see the family in a real location? And thus this week we were treated to an escape from GC's oppressive interior world to the actual Broad Contemporary Art Gallery in Los Angeles where Sabrina took Victor on a guided tour of an exhibit by Jeff Koons. Even more surreal than being on location with Victor Newman, was being privy to his trite comments on contemporary art...Such as...(with requisite Germanic mumble):

“Deceptively simple. Almost like Classical sculpture.”

“To be honest, it’s an acquired taste. One really has to get into it to begin to appreciate it.”

“Un imagination d’enfant (The imagination of a child)”

“Anger sometimes is really good. A lot of people underestimate their anger, the creative power of anger. I think a lot of artists are basically very angry people and out of that anger comes creation very often”

And a prelude to a major make out with Sabrina (God help us):

“I guess if this artist has anything to say it’s that one can take the ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary. In other words, sometimes the extraordinary is right before our eyes.”

WTF? The cliche-o-meter was running painfully high, making it completely unbelievable that the former curator of the Georges Pompidou would fall for someone with such primitive views on art. Either that or she couldn't resist that provocative man-blouse.

Jeff Koons be damned. It is Victor, truly a fish out of water amongst these contemporary pieces, that is the real installation.

Gloria's To-do list Part II....
Imagine, if you will, randomly finding this to-do list on the ground:

1. Help steal DNA evidence
2. Hack into security system of corporate boardroom to obtain illegal evidence
3. Sabotage face cream and inadvertently kill someone in the process
4. Conspire to frame husband for my murder
5. Fall in love with a man I despise

Oh Gloria..when will you ever learn?

Questions of the week.
1. Was it really necessary for Victor to bark at the cleaner for vacuuming his office, making the poor sap jump and cower like a frightened animal? And secondly, why must we have to witness such abominable behavior?
2. How long until Heather Stevens slaps a sexual harassment charge against Brad Carlton, her new colleague at Jabot?
3. Did anyone else find it bizarre that Phyllis begged Nick to tell her why he loves her? Did you notice how Nick avoided an anwer by distracting the always-in-heat-Phyllis with a kiss?
4. How did Victor acquire a framed portrait of Adam already? We're not sure which collection of Victor's is more prolific: his never-been-seen-before art collection, or his 8x10 glossies of former lovers, wives, and children.
5. Is Lily's pregnancy with Cane's baby considered statutory rape? More disturbing perhaps; are we ready for Neil to be a grandfather and thereby control a whole new generation of Winters?
6. What was Miguel doing while Victor took advantage of his daughter's best friend in the living room of the ranch? Was he held captive in the pantry, waiting for his cue to bring out the dinner he was preparing? If Miguel had any sense at all he would seize the opportunity to provide the world with the much anticipated Victor Newman sex tape.

Hey Kids Boogey Too, Did Ya ? (Mar.17-28)

Finding the cracks in the armor of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) has become nothing short of a passion here at It Never Ends, and this week was rife with examples. Neo-Newman and misogynist, Adam, takes a post-coma and post-baby Victoria as a slacker, an accusation we have quite enjoyed. In a way, though, Adam has a point. It would be one thing if, when not working, Victoria actually spent time with her baby, but she seems to be too busy lunching with her one and only friend, Sabrina, attending magazine parties, and making out with her husband at work. The sooner she faces the fact that she is doing a crappy job as both a mother and an executive, the sooner she may be able to redeem herself. On the upside though, her vocabulary has expanded as she wielded around the word "vituperative" when describing the combative relationship between Nick and their father. The other Newman sibling does not go unscathed this week either, Restless Style's PR guy, Patrick, whom has more personality than the entire cast combined, makes fun of Nick's "Dacron 1982 checkerboard" sweater bought by an embarrassed Phyllis. Pretty bad for a bunch of "style" experts.

What exactly is Restless Style?
Amber, a paragon of style in her own mind, has us worried that her bizarre renditions of "fashion" are nothing short of a liability to Restless Style. Our view is that rather than offering Amber employment, the Restless Style executives should be placing a restraining order where she is to not set foot, (or rather, feather tutu) anywhere within 100 yards of the RS offices. Amber's chosen outfit for her ad campaign (where lucky for us, she is also the model) will be forever etched in our minds: a purple bodice with a red tutu, and heaps of cheap costume jewelry -perfect attire for a party in a psych ward. Other notables were the aforementioned Dacron sweater worn by Nick; Phyllis's detachable lace collar worn with a sleeveless dress (yikes) and Sharon's ultra conservative prom dress coupled with a hairdo that is looking more and more like Janice, the guitar playing hippie from the Muppets. Even Katherine Chancellor dresses better than these wannabe fashionistas, and that's certainly not saying much. And don't even get us started with Lily's supposed "couture" outfits...

Danny Boy.
Oh Danny. Where to begin?
First of all, why doesn't anyone call him Danny boy?

Secondly, Danny seems more like the owner of a shoe store than a rock and roller.

And thirdly, Danny is one morose SOB. As Danny makes his way into his twilight years, it's time he thinks about lightening up as indicated by the dour lyrics to the song he sang at the Restless Style party:

I don't understand
I want the pain to end
don't think that I am going to be free
I can't sleep without cryin' and at times I feel I'm dyin'
when I think I've got it all together
I can't hear any love song without feeling like my heart's gone
I believe the feeling is forever,
No, I'm not better yeah...

...And we hate to break it to you Danny, you're not getting any younger either....

Talk about a downer. But for Genoa City's Finest (GCF), Danny's lyrics, clearly a cry for help, don't seem to phase them as they nodded along to the music in blissful reverie.

The lyrics to the song Danny sang for Daniel were certainly not uplifting either. Given that Danny is not actually Daniel's father, there is something slightly creepy about the lyrics, especially when seen sung by one grown man to another:

I'll be there though the years may find us apart
all you need is to open up your heart
then you'll find there's someone there to hold you
hold you you can build a fortress wall
you can swear the rain won't fall you can rail against it all
but when you need someone I'll be there
'cause when you need someone I'll be there.

Morose and creepy, not a good combination by any means.

Our wish is that Danny goes back to his earlier work, when life was simpler; a time before he was drugged and raped by Phyllis and then later lied to about Daniel being his son. And thus from the more upbeat, Rock On:

Hey kids rock and roll,
Rock on, ooh my soul
Hey kids boogey too, did ya

Atta boy, Danny Boy.

Dialogue of the week.

The winner goes to a quip made by an unimpressed reporter at the Restless Style party:

"Nick's a pretty boy wannabe with daddy's cheque book"

The runner-up prize goes to a deprecating remark about actors made by Jeffrey:

Jack: He [Alistair] is a crazy drunken letch.

Jeffrey: Yeah, he's an actor...

Too true.

Questions of the week.
1. Where is Lauren's son, Scottie? Why is he never mentioned? Is Lauren adhering to the have-a child-with-another- man- and- forget- your- other- child- syndrome that is a philosophy held dear to the hearts of GCFs?
2. Does Nicki not have her own office? As the CEO of a major cosmetics empire, one would assume that she would have the corner office , especially given real estate in Genoa City is as cheap as a one armed hooker. The versatility of the Jabot boardroom is impressive. It serves as a "work" space for Gloria and Kevin, as well as a photography studio for Faces of Jabot, as well as Jill's former romping ground with Ji-Min. It has become its own character, with the distinction of having more personality than most of its occupants.
3. When Daniel mentions that Danny's new CD has made it in the top ten, on which chart would that be? The soap opera star turned rock and roller chart?
4. Does anyone ever watch television on the show? Apart from Phyllis and Nick's video games, and the Winter's "movie nights" (that happened only one time), we never see anyone kicking back in front of the TV. Do they not watch soap operas themselves, or are they too sophisticated for that?
5. Why was Victor's larger-than- a- side-of-beef leather coat zipped right up during an intimate dinner with Sabrina? Was he trying to hide his growing man-boobs (aka moobs)?
6. What happened to Maggie? Why wasn't she with Paul at the Restless Style party? Did she stumble upon another cage in a warehouse, this time manned by Mary Williams?
7. Did Jana confuse the techniques one needs for holding a seance with those used in a yoga class? (aka heavy breathing)
8. Is Jana into Kaballah? We spotted a red string around her wrist this week, and were wondering what kind of following Kaballah had in Genoa City? Is Madonna in town?
9. What happened to all of the other Faces of Jabot contest winners? Why was Lily the only model asked to attend the Restless Style party? Is that what bitching and complaining all the time does for someone?
10. The new steps taken in Gloria and Jeffrey's relationship, begs the question: is it legal to show geriatric sex on television?