Genoa City's Finest Go Waco

Big news in Genoa City this week as Nicki finally gets her own office (most likely at the expense of the profits made from the .08/hour they are paying their Malaysian sweat shop workers, as revealed by Brad); Heather Steven’s hair is taken to heights of absurdity as she takes style tips from My Little Pony; Adam inevitably receives the wrath of his new father after acquiring a company with a lawsuit pending from Jabot; David is revealed to be a killer (scene killer undoubtedly) ; and Nick regains his memory and still decides to stay with his half man/half beast of a wife, Phyllis.

Manson. Jones. Koresh. Newman?
Daniel's attempt to leave GC for a mere two months to go on tour with his has-been rock star father was met with nothing short of panic. A 21 year old who wants to leave his shit-ass town for 2 months to go see the world with his father? Is this such an unreasonable request, really? Phyllis acted like he was going off to do a tour in Iraq for god's sakes. This extreme reaction seemed eerily reminiscent of the resistance one would face when trying to
leave a cult. So it begs the question: are Genoa City's Finest (GCF) part of a cult? Further research allowed us to compile a list of the criteria for what constitutes a cult, and upon perusal, we are convinced. And thus the list:

• Charismatic or messianic leader who is self-appointed and has a special mission in life (think Victor, whose special mission is to make money no matter what and to belittle and undermine all those around him in the process)


• The leader is not accountable to any authorities (think Victor who has been notoriously seen as living above the law).


• Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished (hence anyone who has ever questioned or disagreed with Victor is obliterated either professionally, financially or emotionally)


• Instills a fear of leaving the group (and thus the panic that surrounds anyone who tries to leave the fold...as we've seen with Daniel last week)


• Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members (and thus the cesspool of incestuousness that is Genoa City)


• Diminished intellectual ability, vocabulary and sense of humour (with each episode this becomes more and more of an issue for GCF)


• Reduced use of irony, abstractions and metaphors. (ditto)


• Reduced capacity to form flexible and intimate relationships (where would the show be without this as a premise?)


• Poor judgment. (A prerequisite for all of GCFs)


• Physical deterioration. (Katherine Chancellor)


• Malnutrition. (Only choice of sustenance for GCF is the food at the Genoa City Athletic club, and Gina - do not underestimate her powerful role in this cult - ensures that members are deprived of the necessary nutrients as a tactic for keeping them disorientated and susceptible to emotional arousal and vulnerability).


• Hallucinations, panic, guilt, identity diffusion and psychosis (Hallucinations? Think Jack with his father’s ghost. Think Jana and her brain tumour. Panic? Think Lauren and her panic attacks. Guilt? Think Jana and Gloria, Nick, Paul, hell everyone, except for of course, leader Victor. Identity Diffusion? Psychosis? Where do we begin?


• Verbal abuse (A passion and skill for leader, Victor)


• Sleep deprivation and fatigue (is it a coincidence that GCFs are all self-proclaimed workaholics?)


• Sexual promiscuousness (no comment)

Dialogue of the week.
Victor's reference to David Chow as a "professional parasite."

Does that make Victor a professional asshole then?


Questions of the week.
1. How can Nick and Sharon work with Daniel knowing that he was inadvertently responsible for their daughter's death?
2. Three words. Danny Romalati's groupies? Two more words. Yeah right. Please tell us, whom or rather what would want to sleep with Danny anyway?
3. How did Nicki feel when she received some shitty pesos from David as "memorabilia" for their wedding, when she endowed him with an expensive watch?

To Reach or To Retch: That Is the Question

Jack could not have summed it up any better: will people reach for Restless Style when given the opportunity, or will they retch? Our prediction? Most likely both, reaching first, and then retching after viewing. We agree that it was a good "business" move to give Lily the boot and to go with an actual model for the cover. It's probably the best business move they've made since, well, ever. Not that hiring Amber wasn't, or Phyllis' son, Daniel, a porn addict and former felon to work as a photographer, or calling in Kathy Hilton to provide advice for their first issue... although, we do think Snoop Dog would have been a much better choice. (Yes, we are still bitter that he made an appearance on One Life to Live. And who does Y&R get? Kathy Hilton. Gawd).

Newest Drinking Game.
To continue in our series of drinking games for Y&R, not only has Sabrina inspired a renewed interest in Viagra for Victor, she has inspired a new way for us to ease the pain of watching their relationship blossom. Every time she says "mon cheri/mon amour" (or a variation thereof) to her octogenarian lover, take a drink. God knows, we all need one after having to endure him eat her face like a cat slurping up canned food from a bowl.

Line of the Week.
Surprisingly it came from David-I-have-zero-personality-and-the-most-interesting-thing -about-me-is-that-have-a-gambling-problem-Chow, when he and Nicki arrive in Mexico to get married only to discover that the villa advertised in the pamphlet wasn't anything like the place in reality. And thus David's query:

"What's Spanish for "you've been punked?"

Come to think of it, it is rather apropos that David quote Ashton Kutcher, as Nicki and David are a little bit like Demi and Ashton themselves (in terms of age difference and the women both having F***ed up children).

Keep it up David, and you may redeem yourself to us yet.

Nicki And the Unwashed Masses.
Sounds like a punk band? Perhaps. But this week Nicki Newman was nothing short of traumatized as she was forced to rub shoulders with the aforementioned masses, in economy class no less! Those wacky poor people! When will they ever learn? But so entertaining! Take for example the woman who insisted she sit between Nicki and David. Not only was she completely mentally ill, but she also brought her meowing cat on board with her! She then fell asleep on Nicki's shoulder and snored something fierce! Where in the world would we be without those affable yet offensive plebes! Bravo! What a story for Nicki to tell the other Genoa City's Finest (GCF) at the Athletic Club!

Questions of the week.
1. Seeing Nicki open up to the possibilities of economy class, it got us thinking of other forms of public transportation. Is there a Genoa City Public Transit Authority (GCPTA)? If so, has anyone ever taken it? Is it possible to take a bus out to the Chancellor Estate for example? How about out to the Genoa City University? A direct connection to the Tack(y) house? If Genoa City's Finest (GCF) are so concerned with going "green" as both Jabot and Newman would have us believe with their green product lines, then maybe they should get out of their SUVs and take the bus. We would pay good money to see Mrs. C or Victor riding the bus. Again, to think of what crazy and "entertaining" people they could discover as they are forced to rub shoulders with Genoa City's Worst (GCW).
2. What kind of stepmother will Sabrina be to Adam, Victoria and Nick? Is she prepared to be Abby's step-grandmother as well?

MIA in GC

We here at It Never Ends will be in Genoa City this week and the next for interviews at both Jabot and Restless Style (Newman wouldn't see us due to security issues-evidently J.T. is doing a bang-up job), so there will be no posts, this Monday, or the next. En route there was a mix-up [the pilot of our private jet read QC (Quebec City) instead of GC (Genoa City)], with us ending up in the French speaking province instead, albeit momentarily. The upside was that we were were able to catch an episode of Y&R on the flight, en francais no less, titled as "Les Feux D'Amour" (The Fires of Love). Finally...some decent French spoken in Genoa City...

Buddhism is the New Black: Genoa City's Finest Attempt Enlightenment

The convoluted lives of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) keep us intrigued for another week (albeit how much is up for debate) with Neil continuing his fight to become the father of his daughter's baby (although this became a moot point come week's end when it turned out that Lily wasn't pregnant after all, as predicted by this blog); Adam continues his bid to belittle all things Newman by calling Victoria a narcissist; Phyllis becomes sloppy seconds after Victoria fires Sabrina as Reid's godmother and assigns the role to Phyllis (a surprising choice given that Phyllis had to have her own child taken away from her); Jana abandons her goth ways, her passion for ghosts and goblins, and her worship for serial killers for Buddhism, making a complete mockery out of this 2500 year old religion/philosophy; and Gloria and Jeffrey finally consummate their twisted relationship, leaving us wishing desperately we could have back those 30 seconds of our lives...

Karma Chameleon: Genoa City's Finest find Buddhism.
Gloria finds Buddhism through the guidance of her mentally unstable daughter-in-law Jana and decides she wants to give back by adopting a baby. This is all self-serving of course, as she admits that she is doing it to earn valuable Karma points. With Gloria's age bordering on offensive, will she live long enough to see the child's 2nd birthday?

Dialogue of the week.
The winner goes to a conversation between David and Nicki regarding the inappropriateness of Sabrina's presence at Reid's christening:

David: Victor's insensitivity is off the charts.
Nicki: It always has been.
David: You're handling it all with such grace.
Nicki: I think I liked him better when he was cutting up paper snowflakes...

Here here. Remember that kindler gentler Victor, bordering on developmentally challenged? How we miss him, and long for his return.

The runner-up prize goes to dialogue exchanged between J.T. and Paul as J.T. brags about Reid:

J.T. : Reid loves to look in the mirror.
Paul : Just like his dad...

Ouch. Nice work Paul.

Polizia di modo.
Genoa City fashion. Is that not an oxymoron? This week we saw that once again ne'er shall those 3 words be placed in the same sentence. And thus, Amber made a splash at Indigo wearing another one of her creations, an orange tutu with S&M embellishments. We've always said that no one does an S&M tutu better than Amber. Sharon made her own statement(of what exactly, we're not sure) in a Khaki sleeveless cargo dress complete with a collar reminiscent of batwings; Cane's skin tight silk shirt questions his suitability to be a father; Victor showed off his manliness in a black wife-beater in a post-coital moment with Sabrina, clearly too classy for the white variety more typical to a trailer park; and Nicki's fluorescent pink dress complete with shoulder pads had us blink our eyes and think we were back to 1986 again when we first started watching the show.

Wish of the week.
1. Alistair/John/Ghost is officially out of the picture, and if he does stay that he gets his eyebrows professionally shaped and waxed.
2. That the geriatric sex stops.
3. In order to counter a new trend in Genoa City of much older men dating younger women, we quite agree with It Never Ends reader, Jill, that Katherine and Adam should hook up.

Questions of the week.
1. Is there actually any wall space at the Victor Newman Contemporary Art Gallery for hanging art? It seems to us that it's all windows...perhaps the choice of the former loft wasn't such a good idea as a gallery. When will they figure this out? When they attempt to hang their first piece?
2. Did any one else notice the timing of when Lily finally realizes that she liked Chloe? Is it a coincidence that this comment came on the heels of Chloe telling Lily that she envies her?
3. Has the "death by chocolate" dessert from the club taken the place of the "smoothie" from Crimson Lights as the coveted dessert for GCFs?
4. How long until Sabrina, someone we assume likes to surround herself with all things modern, tries to redecorate the outdated claptrap that is the ranch?
5. Realistically what are the chances of Phyllis seeing Adam in NYC, a city with a population of over 8 million?
6. Does this mean that Reid now has two godfathers since both Nicholas, and Phyllis, Genoa City's resident half- man half beast were both approached by Victoria?

Finding Genoa's City's G Spot

Genoa City's Finest (GCF) have sunk to new lows this week, behaving like a bunch of name-calling children in a school yard. Phyllis calls Adam "annoying", David is labeled a "pipsqueak"by Victor, Jeffrey refers to Alistar as a "pusillanimous pile of pickled pig poo", Jack admonishes Gloria as a "monster in mascara", Michael refers to his own mother as "the old hag", Victoria rebukes Sabrina as an "opportunistic tramp" for having slept with her father, and Kevin asks his hoodie-wearing mother if she has indeed "joined a gang".

We don't quite remember the name-calling taking such a vociferous tone, but admittedly, we find it rather cathartic. It is as if the characters are saying exactly what we are thinking, making it easier to reconcile our dedication to the show...

Mrs. Chancellor becomes a "great"-grandmother.
It Never Ends reader, Buddysnuddys, could not have summed up the "crisis" that has become Lily's pregnancy any better:

"Why is Lily worrying so much about possibly raising a baby? I mean, if the kid is anything like Reid, Fen, or Summer it will either sleep all the time, have a permanent nanny/nurse/babysitter, or sit lazily on someone's lap stuffing its face with food. Even when it gets older, it can just sleep over at someone's house every night like Noah. I'm still surprised they haven't shipped that kid off to boarding school yet, only to return 6 months later when he's the more interesting age of 18."

We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

What is really creeping us out is not so much that Lily, a mere child herself, is going to have a baby, or that Cane, 12 years her senior (and just barely avoiding a statutory rape charge) is responsible, is that Neil wants to be the father to his daughter's baby. We here at It Never Ends are quite disturbed by Neil's twisted view of what is means to be "dedicated" to one's children. Karen looked just as disturbed when Neil asked her why she didn't want to raise Lily's baby with him. Our advice to Karen is to stop unpacking her boxes ASAP, get the hell out of dodge, and try to find solace in her romance novels she loves to read. Neil is bad news, and his parenting style needs to be brought to task as shown by the f%#$ up that has become his daughter. Case in point:

1. At 16, Lily was given an STD by a much older Kevin Fisher.
2. At 17, Lily began a relationship with Daniel after he was charged with vehicular homicide, fled to L.A. with said felon, and after a bout in boarding school, secretly eloped and married him.
3. At 19, Lily divorced Daniel after discovering his addiction to pornography.
4. At 20, Lily, recently divorced and failing college, is now pregnant by Cane, 32, whom she has been dating for a couple of months.

Keep up the good work, Neil. You should write a chapter in Lynne Spears' book on parenting.

The G Spot.
Gloria makes herself at home at The Genoa City Athletic club after giving the mansion over to Jack. She marks her territory by hanging her giant gold G on the wall, but given her new hoodie "gangsta" look, we quite think the giant gold G should be hung around her neck instead. She could then go by "G Spot" instead of Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell. Far more marketable we think.

Questions of the week.
1. What does the former curator of the Georges Pompidou Museum, Sabrina, think of Victor's portrait hanging in his office? So far this is the only piece of art we've seen that Victor owns, even though everyone keeps talking about his extensive collection. Is this portrait worth anything? Who is the artist? Why isn't Sabrina asking these questions? Is she too embarrassed to acknowledge its existence?
2. Now that John's ghost is leaving for good, where will he go?
3. Is anyone else impressed by the raw creativity of Adam's Beauty of Nature campaign? Notably, a welcome screen on the website with models in the Mojave desert lit by lightening bolts. Yes, you heard right, lightening bolts. Damn that boy's good.
4. What are the chances that Adam will actually be able to convince Scarlett Johansson be the next spokeswhore for Beauty of Nature? Approximately Nil?
5. Why is it that Snoop Dog will be making an appearance on One Life to Live, and the best Y&R can come up with are drips like Enrique Igelisias and Pat Benatar? We feel royally ripped off, and wonder if we've devoted the last 20 years to the wrong soap. He's even rerecording the One Life to Live theme song. What a jip.

Stuffed Sheep, Inflatable Flowers and Metallic Rabbits: Just Another Week in Genoa City

It was a week of firsts in Genoa City and we here at It Never Ends were there every step of the way. Genoa City will get its first museum of contemporary art thanks to Victor's new concubine, Sabrina. Considering Genoa City has never even had a museum this is certainly monumental. So our question is: who will actually go to the museum? Esther? Gina? Miguel? Daniel? Amber? Jana? Somehow we can't see any of these people being able to focus for more than a millisecond, let alone the amount of time it takes to understand cerebrally charged modern art. Does this mean a new set is in the works? Or will it be housed in secrecy like Victor's existing art collection? We are thrilled to think that this museum could be yet another venue where Genoa City's Finest (GCF) can discuss their trivial lives, but instead of doing so over mediocre food (GC Athletic Club), coffee (Crimson Lights), and music (Indigo), they can now do so while gazing at stuffed sheep housed in plexiglass, inflatable flowers and metallic rabbits.

Another first this week was witnessing Victor type, an activity we would have assumed was relegated to his underlings. Impressive, even if he does subscribe to the hunt and peck technique.

And lastly, this week was the first time we have seen inside the fridge in the Newman break room. A thrilling notion for us, until of course we saw its contents. For some reason, we had imagined a fridge chock full with every delicacy under the sun, because after all, this is Newman Enterprises, the pinnacle of civilization. The way people, (including those who don't even work there), help themselves to a seeming unending cornucopia of bottled water, apples and yogurt, we assumed that it would indeed be bountiful. Wrong. Thanks to a lingering Adam, the fridge was left open long enough for us to see the shocking paltry pickings, leaving us profoundly disillusioned with all things Newman. Is there not a Costco yet in Genoa City? A museum of Contemporary Art before a big box store? Shameful.

BPD for GCF.
According to our medical experts here at It Never Ends, Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell has officially been diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder.

And thus, a Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) can be defined as "a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity (sound familiar?).

"A person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse (as we saw with the day she spent by herself after her sons abandoned her, and how she binged on booze, chocolates, and sunk into a deep depression). Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values (sudden decision to sell house to Jack, withdrawal from work, and an appearance that makes her look more and more like a drag queen each week). Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy (hence the abusive way she talks to her own portrait, in the third person no less). They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are (ummmm yeah). Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone (hence being married five times, and calling her sons 20 times a day a piece).

"People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from great admiration and love to intense anger and dislike (and thus the rollercoaster that are her feelings towards Jeffrey).

"People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, (ahem) binge eating (aforementioned box of chocolates) and risky sex (think back to when she slept with one of the actors she hired to play her sons so John wouldn't know that Michael and Kevin were her real sons?)."

Get thee some medication. Fast.

Polizia di modo.
Fashion in GC continues to evolve, with Sharon leading the pack this week wearing a man's white dress shirt under a strapless black cocktail dress.

Quite frankly, we've never understood this look. What is it? A dress or a shirt? A shress? A dirt? Make a commitment already.

Looks like the plunging neckline is still going strong in GC as Brad wore a version of his own, showing a flawlessly waxed chest-- perfect attire for sexually harassing his new colleague, Heather Stevens.

Dialogue of the week.
After Victor's night of coitus with his daughter's best friend; 40 years his junior:

Victoria: Thank you for taking such good care of Sabrina last night.
Victor: Anytime.

Gross.

Questions of the week.
1. Did anyone else feel a brewing rage when Victoria suggested to Sabrina that she move into the Loft? How stupid do they think we are? Do they really think we haven't figured out by now that the Loft is now the Restless Style offices? Likewise, do they really expect us to believe that Jack was actually going to buy a new house? We know by now that the producers avoid having to build new sets like the plague, so a new Abbott mansion? Hardly. It's far easier (and cheaper) to give the house to Jack and have Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell live out her days at the GCAC.
2. Bets are on that Lily will "accidentally" lose the baby either due to the stress of juggling modeling and school, or a "fall" or "accident"of some kind. Aren't all unwanted pregnancies in Genoa City dealt with in a similar manner?
3. Did we hear correctly, or did Karen actually admit aloud that she reads romance novels? Also, does her moving in with Neil mean that Dru is actually dead, and that she won't appear after a bout of amnesia, and a year or two spent living with hillbillies in the Ozarks?
4. Does anyone actually give a shit about Nicki and David Chow's relationship?
5. If Lily is trying to hide that she's pregnant, why is she continually clutching her abdomen?

Victor Sees the Creative Power of Anger (Mar.31-Apr.7)

Never underestimate the power of the viewing public. Last week here on It Never Ends, we commented on Lauren's glaring neglect of her first born (and much forgotten) son, Scottie, and voila, mere days later, Lauren receives a phone call from said discarded progeny. A coincidence? Perhaps, but we prefer to think that this blog was the impetus for Scottie to make that phone call home. Now that this contact has been made with Scottie, will anything actually come of it? Or is this just a token gesture to appease us? We are highly doubtful that a storyline involving Scottie will resurface without Sheila and her kidnapping ways, because otherwise, let's face it Scottie is as about as interesting as a sock, and a storyline sans Sheila just wouldn't cut it.

Polizia di moda.
Fashion in Genoa City has taken on a life of its own since the launch of the "groundbreaking" Restless Style, and we're here to report every painful detail. Who wants to read Lauren Fenmore's fashion column anyway? Puhlease.

And thus, the plunging neckline, worn by both sexes, took on a life of its own in GC this week, making us wonder if this show should be rated. Phyllis brought out her "ladies" in a plunging black number; a surprising choice for the workplace as well as for someone who is "concerned" about being hit on by her husband's half-brother. And likewise, representing the less fairer sex, Victor's chosen attire for a private art tour with Sabrina was a black dress shirt unbuttoned to his navel. Gold chains, and the outfit would have been truly complete.

So the question is now: who wore it better, Victor or Phyllis?

Modern Faart.
Do you remember the episode of The Brady Bunch when they went to Disneyland, and how strange it all seemed to see the family in a real location? And thus this week we were treated to an escape from GC's oppressive interior world to the actual Broad Contemporary Art Gallery in Los Angeles where Sabrina took Victor on a guided tour of an exhibit by Jeff Koons. Even more surreal than being on location with Victor Newman, was being privy to his trite comments on contemporary art...Such as...(with requisite Germanic mumble):

“Deceptively simple. Almost like Classical sculpture.”

“To be honest, it’s an acquired taste. One really has to get into it to begin to appreciate it.”

“Un imagination d’enfant (The imagination of a child)”

“Anger sometimes is really good. A lot of people underestimate their anger, the creative power of anger. I think a lot of artists are basically very angry people and out of that anger comes creation very often”

And a prelude to a major make out with Sabrina (God help us):

“I guess if this artist has anything to say it’s that one can take the ordinary and turn it into something extraordinary. In other words, sometimes the extraordinary is right before our eyes.”

WTF? The cliche-o-meter was running painfully high, making it completely unbelievable that the former curator of the Georges Pompidou would fall for someone with such primitive views on art. Either that or she couldn't resist that provocative man-blouse.

Jeff Koons be damned. It is Victor, truly a fish out of water amongst these contemporary pieces, that is the real installation.

Gloria's To-do list Part II....
Imagine, if you will, randomly finding this to-do list on the ground:

1. Help steal DNA evidence
2. Hack into security system of corporate boardroom to obtain illegal evidence
3. Sabotage face cream and inadvertently kill someone in the process
4. Conspire to frame husband for my murder
5. Fall in love with a man I despise

Oh Gloria..when will you ever learn?

Questions of the week.
1. Was it really necessary for Victor to bark at the cleaner for vacuuming his office, making the poor sap jump and cower like a frightened animal? And secondly, why must we have to witness such abominable behavior?
2. How long until Heather Stevens slaps a sexual harassment charge against Brad Carlton, her new colleague at Jabot?
3. Did anyone else find it bizarre that Phyllis begged Nick to tell her why he loves her? Did you notice how Nick avoided an anwer by distracting the always-in-heat-Phyllis with a kiss?
4. How did Victor acquire a framed portrait of Adam already? We're not sure which collection of Victor's is more prolific: his never-been-seen-before art collection, or his 8x10 glossies of former lovers, wives, and children.
5. Is Lily's pregnancy with Cane's baby considered statutory rape? More disturbing perhaps; are we ready for Neil to be a grandfather and thereby control a whole new generation of Winters?
6. What was Miguel doing while Victor took advantage of his daughter's best friend in the living room of the ranch? Was he held captive in the pantry, waiting for his cue to bring out the dinner he was preparing? If Miguel had any sense at all he would seize the opportunity to provide the world with the much anticipated Victor Newman sex tape.

Hey Kids Boogey Too, Did Ya ? (Mar.17-28)

Finding the cracks in the armor of Genoa City's Finest (GCF) has become nothing short of a passion here at It Never Ends, and this week was rife with examples. Neo-Newman and misogynist, Adam, takes a post-coma and post-baby Victoria as a slacker, an accusation we have quite enjoyed. In a way, though, Adam has a point. It would be one thing if, when not working, Victoria actually spent time with her baby, but she seems to be too busy lunching with her one and only friend, Sabrina, attending magazine parties, and making out with her husband at work. The sooner she faces the fact that she is doing a crappy job as both a mother and an executive, the sooner she may be able to redeem herself. On the upside though, her vocabulary has expanded as she wielded around the word "vituperative" when describing the combative relationship between Nick and their father. The other Newman sibling does not go unscathed this week either, Restless Style's PR guy, Patrick, whom has more personality than the entire cast combined, makes fun of Nick's "Dacron 1982 checkerboard" sweater bought by an embarrassed Phyllis. Pretty bad for a bunch of "style" experts.

What exactly is Restless Style?
Amber, a paragon of style in her own mind, has us worried that her bizarre renditions of "fashion" are nothing short of a liability to Restless Style. Our view is that rather than offering Amber employment, the Restless Style executives should be placing a restraining order where she is to not set foot, (or rather, feather tutu) anywhere within 100 yards of the RS offices. Amber's chosen outfit for her ad campaign (where lucky for us, she is also the model) will be forever etched in our minds: a purple bodice with a red tutu, and heaps of cheap costume jewelry -perfect attire for a party in a psych ward. Other notables were the aforementioned Dacron sweater worn by Nick; Phyllis's detachable lace collar worn with a sleeveless dress (yikes) and Sharon's ultra conservative prom dress coupled with a hairdo that is looking more and more like Janice, the guitar playing hippie from the Muppets. Even Katherine Chancellor dresses better than these wannabe fashionistas, and that's certainly not saying much. And don't even get us started with Lily's supposed "couture" outfits...

Danny Boy.
Oh Danny. Where to begin?
First of all, why doesn't anyone call him Danny boy?

Secondly, Danny seems more like the owner of a shoe store than a rock and roller.

And thirdly, Danny is one morose SOB. As Danny makes his way into his twilight years, it's time he thinks about lightening up as indicated by the dour lyrics to the song he sang at the Restless Style party:

I don't understand
I want the pain to end
don't think that I am going to be free
I can't sleep without cryin' and at times I feel I'm dyin'
when I think I've got it all together
I can't hear any love song without feeling like my heart's gone
I believe the feeling is forever,
No, I'm not better yeah...

...And we hate to break it to you Danny, you're not getting any younger either....

Talk about a downer. But for Genoa City's Finest (GCF), Danny's lyrics, clearly a cry for help, don't seem to phase them as they nodded along to the music in blissful reverie.

The lyrics to the song Danny sang for Daniel were certainly not uplifting either. Given that Danny is not actually Daniel's father, there is something slightly creepy about the lyrics, especially when seen sung by one grown man to another:

I'll be there though the years may find us apart
all you need is to open up your heart
then you'll find there's someone there to hold you
hold you you can build a fortress wall
you can swear the rain won't fall you can rail against it all
but when you need someone I'll be there
'cause when you need someone I'll be there.

Morose and creepy, not a good combination by any means.

Our wish is that Danny goes back to his earlier work, when life was simpler; a time before he was drugged and raped by Phyllis and then later lied to about Daniel being his son. And thus from the more upbeat, Rock On:

Hey kids rock and roll,
Rock on, ooh my soul
Hey kids boogey too, did ya

Atta boy, Danny Boy.

Dialogue of the week.

The winner goes to a quip made by an unimpressed reporter at the Restless Style party:

"Nick's a pretty boy wannabe with daddy's cheque book"

The runner-up prize goes to a deprecating remark about actors made by Jeffrey:

Jack: He [Alistair] is a crazy drunken letch.

Jeffrey: Yeah, he's an actor...

Too true.

Questions of the week.
1. Where is Lauren's son, Scottie? Why is he never mentioned? Is Lauren adhering to the have-a child-with-another- man- and- forget- your- other- child- syndrome that is a philosophy held dear to the hearts of GCFs?
2. Does Nicki not have her own office? As the CEO of a major cosmetics empire, one would assume that she would have the corner office , especially given real estate in Genoa City is as cheap as a one armed hooker. The versatility of the Jabot boardroom is impressive. It serves as a "work" space for Gloria and Kevin, as well as a photography studio for Faces of Jabot, as well as Jill's former romping ground with Ji-Min. It has become its own character, with the distinction of having more personality than most of its occupants.
3. When Daniel mentions that Danny's new CD has made it in the top ten, on which chart would that be? The soap opera star turned rock and roller chart?
4. Does anyone ever watch television on the show? Apart from Phyllis and Nick's video games, and the Winter's "movie nights" (that happened only one time), we never see anyone kicking back in front of the TV. Do they not watch soap operas themselves, or are they too sophisticated for that?
5. Why was Victor's larger-than- a- side-of-beef leather coat zipped right up during an intimate dinner with Sabrina? Was he trying to hide his growing man-boobs (aka moobs)?
6. What happened to Maggie? Why wasn't she with Paul at the Restless Style party? Did she stumble upon another cage in a warehouse, this time manned by Mary Williams?
7. Did Jana confuse the techniques one needs for holding a seance with those used in a yoga class? (aka heavy breathing)
8. Is Jana into Kaballah? We spotted a red string around her wrist this week, and were wondering what kind of following Kaballah had in Genoa City? Is Madonna in town?
9. What happened to all of the other Faces of Jabot contest winners? Why was Lily the only model asked to attend the Restless Style party? Is that what bitching and complaining all the time does for someone?
10. The new steps taken in Gloria and Jeffrey's relationship, begs the question: is it legal to show geriatric sex on television?

Our Apologies

As we are still recovering from the Restless Style party, we are unable to write a new post at this time. Our sincerest apologies.

Expect full coverage by next Monday.

GC's Divas, Disillusioned and the Damned (Mar 10-14)

Absurdity reigns high in GC this week when Michael finally admits the truth that we have known all along: the food at the Genoa City Athletic Club blows goats. During a dinner party at Gloria's (consisting of surprise, surprise, take-out from the GCAC), Michael questions the sincerity of Gloria's relationship with Jeffrey, making a comparison to the food at the the club: "Something doesn't smell right, and it's not just the take-out". Could this be the end to the incessant fawning by its denizens over the bucatini or rib eye steak like it's god? Equally absurd was Gloria's claim that she "wants to grow old" in the Abbott Mansion, forgetting of course, that she already is old. And Esther in her ridiculously degrading maid uniform, made an appearance this week, always a crowd pleaser in that watching-someone-make-an-ass-out-of-themselves-way. And the capper? Nick's claim that ad space in their magazine (that hasn't even had one hit yet) is in the half a million range, leading us to think that Nick's real calling is a career in stand-up.

Sisters are doing it for themselves...
Do you know that song Nicholas? Because, it's certainly not brothers doing it for themselves like you are trying to pass off. You keep trying to convince everyone, including yourself, that you are doing this new magazine venture on your own, without any help at all from your zillionaire father, suggesting somehow that borrowing against your sizable trust fund falls under the "doing it on your own" umbrella. Your creativity is truly unending.

Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind.
In the case of Jack Abbott, Jim Morrison's quote would read more aptly "Ghosts crowd the middle-aged adult's fragile eggshell mind". Doesn't quite have the same poetic ring, but nevertheless very applicable to the apparent fragility of Jack's faculties as he continues to normalize his relationship with his father's phantasm. This already twisted relationship was taken one step further this week while Jack and his father's ghost watched Gloria make out with her new husband, and instead of being mortified at seeing his gold-digging ho of an ex-wife bed another man, John's ghost berates Jack for not having sold Gloria his half of the house. What? Even in death these people are totally convoluted.

We think John's ghost should stop being such a pantywaister, loosen up a bit, maybe hook up with Morrison in the afterworld, smoke a little weed, and trade in his black turtleneck and borrow Morrison's black leather pants: we'd all be better off for it.

Dialogue to be ashamed of.
Gloria claims that she is no longer up for consummating her marriage with Jeffrey when she finds a book of John's that was supposedly buried with him. Jeffrey's response?
"This is the first time a ghost has come between me and hot passionate sex".

Which begs the question: is this kind of dialogue legal?

Questions of the week.
1.Will Mrs. C. admit in her memoirs how abusive she has been to Esther over the past 25 years? Will her condescension and insistence on Esther wearing the infuriatingly degrading maid uniform be disclosed as well?
2. Does anyone else feel sorry for Devon? Talk about demotion. His character seems to have peaked with the cochlear implant storyline and never recovered. God knows, we haven't.
3. How is it that John doesn't know the truth about Gloria and the face cream considering the number of conversations that have gone on between Jeffrey and Gloria in the Abbott house? What kind of ghost does he pretend to be anyway?
4. Does Katherine Chancellor have a nervous tick that involves picking the lint and brushing the dandruff of other people's collars when she's talking to them? This week Daniel was targeted and looked genuinely surprised over her socially inappropriate behaviour.
5. Why didn't Amber, Kevin and Daniel donate the money anonymously to charity instead of burning it up? Oh wait, we forgot, that would mean thinking of someone other then themselves. Impossible.

Genoa City's Crimes Against Humility (March-3-7)

New characters often have a revitalizing effect on a show as was the case of Victor "Adam" Jr. this week. What he may lack in charisma, Victor Jr. makes up for in his ability to tell GC's resident narcissists how "it really is". And thus, he questions Victoria's art degree as her major credential as a business executive at one of the biggest multinational companies in the universe, as well as Nicholas never-having-to-worry-about-money-a-day-in-his-life coupled with his former tenure as Frat president : credentials not in the least impressive for a guy who found his way to Harvard business via a dust bowl farm in Kansas with a blind single mother. And lest we forget Sabrina's boastful account of how she and Victoria met "at the Guggenheim program in Italy while I was getting my master's in art history, and Victoria was an undergrad." Victor Jr. is none too impressed by this former "curator" at the Georges Pompidou in Paris (impressive for someone barely in their 30s, non?), when he asks whether such programs are just for "spoiled rich kids who want an excuse to go hang out in Europe for a while". And finally, our favorite porte-parole points out what has been on all of our minds: how the hell Nick and Phyllis and Sharon and Jack are all in business together considering they have all slept with one another at some point (think ABBA, without the talent). Thank you Adam. You may be seriously b-o-r-i-n-g, but at least you are bringing the people of Genoa City to task for their crimes against humility.

The inherent sexiness of cardiac arrest.
Sabrina is lost in an erotic moment while she watches our favorite septuagenarian, Victor, clad in a black wife-beater, beat the crap out of a punching bag —risky activity for any senior citizen. Sabrina shows a sadistic side as she is intrigued by the possibility that each punch of the bag Victor takes could very well be his last.

Dear god, please tell us that she is not going to sleep with him.

Felonius Style.
We here at It Never Ends, believe that the name for the new online magazine shouldn't be Restless Style, but rather Felonius Style given that everyone involved has been in trouble with the law at one point or another. Jack, Nick, Phyllis, Daniel and Amber, have all either been convicted felons or accused of heinous crimes such as murder, treason, and blackmail. Sharon is the only one who has yet to be formally charged, although this should be reconsidered due to recent hair style and matrimonial choices.

If a block of wood fell in the Break Room would anybody hear?
J.T. Seriously. What the hell? Lumber has more personality than he does. Is it the suit? Being married? Being a Newman? The frontal lobotomy? My God. It has been a slippery slope for J.T., and he's dragged all of us along for the ride. Someone please put him (and us) out of his (our) misery.

Questions of the week.
1. If the ranch is indeed as "grand" as everyone claims it to be, why do the residents insist on dining at the kid's table set up in the diminutive living room (as did Sabrina and Victor with their burgers and fries this week)?
2. Why is Daniel so tempted by the stolen money when his father is a rock star worth millions and his mother is married to a Newman? Could someone please tell us why he is so hard up for cash?
3. When J.T. finally visits the new Restless Style warehouse space, will he realize that it is indeed the loft in disguise? And if he doesn't recognize it, will he be able to still call himself a PI?
3. How long until Victor Jr. 's framed portrait makes its way into Victor's prolific portrait collection?
4. How painful are Neil and Karen as a couple? Their insipidness is mind-numbing, and to think she may be moving in with him? Unfortunately it looks likes the Drippy-Drippersons are here to stay.
5. Was there a flirtation this week between the male bartender at the GCAC and Victor "Adam" Jr.? Who is the mysterious person that Adam keeps calling in NYC? A gay lover? Victor Jr.'s attraction to Phyllis would make sense then: clearly he assumes she is a man in drag (like any self-respecting person would).

Daniel's Hair Is Fired (Feb.25-29)

This blog is published weekly on Mondays.

Another week in Genoa City is behind us, and we continue to be amused by the minutae of its residents' wonderful and horrible lives. And so, Karen "chicken adobo" Taylor (lose the "chicken" though. Adobo Taylor has a familiar ring to it...) made a special appearance at Indigo, debuting her signature breathy adult contempt-orary songs that once again makes us doubt our devotion to the show. Phyllis' attraction to Nick is diminishing as fast as his bank account (or should we say trust fund). We were also sad to see that Daniel's hair, the object of consistent ridicule, was fired and replaced with the more sensible brown coiffure (his former blonde mess held a special place in our heart, like a shameful but memorable relationship). And finally, Victoria was relieved to find out that she is not indeed friendless with the arrival of her never-talked-about-until-last -week-best-friend-in-the-world, Sabrina.

David Go-Lie-ith.
David Chow finally reveals his unspeakable secret: gambling . And the amount owing? A measly $250,000 dollars. For GCF (Genoa City's Finest)? Mere chump change. And for us? Boring. We were hoping for something a little more interesting, such as a secret affinity for dressing up in women's clothes in conjunction with a serious spending problem, leading to a quarter of a million on a new wardrobe; or better yet, that David is in fact Sheila Carter and that the debt owed is to the South American plastic surgeon who did the cosmetic surgery. But gambling? Pulease.

What we feel Nicki should be most concerned about at this point is the fact that David's mouth is far too small for his face.

Restless Style...the new Wallpaper magazine?
Not.
In fact, Wallpaper's founder, Tyler Brule, would be horrified to see the design mess that is now the offices of Restless Style. We were so looking forward to a new set of which us devotees have been so deprived, and the warehouse space looked promising. But the resulting tired palette of black leather with chrome accents complete with a "cargo" elevator cliche was just plain disappointing. The decor looks more suited to a wannabe upscale bachelor pad than a "hip" new magazine. No surprise there that Genoa City's resident half man/half beast, Phyllis Newman, and Restless Style's decorator would have such masculine taste....

A picture is worth a thousand words.
Seeing Victor gaze longingly at both Hope's and Nick's framed portraits got us thinking: where would the soap opera be without the role of the framed portrait? Found on every desk, fireplace mantle, and grand piano in Genoa City they allow us access into a character's inner drama as they converse with said photo, behaviour we here at It Never Ends indulge in a bit too frequently. It all begs the question: where was Hope's portrait kept? Was it behind Victor's desk beside Nicki's portrait, or was it in a drawer with the other framed photos of his long list of ex-wives?

Dialogue to be ashamed of:
Is this what it has come to? Is this what we as viewers have reduced ourselves to? And thus the damning words:

Jeff: You've got nothing on me, Gloria. I could send you up the river tomorrow if I were so inclined, but I'm not because I'm having way too much fun here.

Gloria: You know, you've got a sick idea of what fun is.

Jeff: No, I know exactly what fun is. Sex is fun and this marriage in name only is not fun. We need to fix that.
Gloria: No. Our sister/brother relationship suits me just fine.

Jeff: Even with the chemistry we have between us? I'm a man, you're a woman.

Gloria: I'd rather go to jail.

Jeff: You're so sexy when you're stupid. Play the dumb blonde with me. Tonight's the night, darling.

Egad. And we share the same nomenclature as a species as these people?

Questions of the week.
1. How do the other female employees at Newman feel that Victoria gets a nursery built in her office so she can bring her baby to work, and they have to put theirs in daycare?
2. Does Jana actually work at Crimson Lights or is she too busy obsessing about Daniel and Amber's sex life?
3. How thorough are the reports that are done at both Newman and Jabot? What amazes us is how quickly they are read over before conclusions are made. A business plan or annual report is met with a momentary glance and the reader is quickly "on board" or "impressed" with the figures presented. We surmise that either the reader of such a report is incredibly bright and can read and summarize dense amounts of information in a millisecond, or that the reports are half-baked and/or the reader doesn't know what the hell they are talking about. Our vote is with the latter.
4. Is it us, or is it shocking to see Chloe, someone who admitted that she's only been in the fashion business for 2 years, act the way she does towards others? And worse, how is it that people are actually listening to her like she's the voice of authority? As was the case with Phyllis who was a "webmaster" in New York and is the case with Chloe who lived in New York before coming to GC, if you have lived in the Big Apple before, then you must be an expert. Big-fish-small-pond syndrome anyone?
5. Is Victor's new (possible) love-interest, Sabrina, simply a classier more sophisticated version of the similarly raven haired Ramona Caceres, (aka Desert Flower) with whom Victor had an affair after being kidnapped in the Arizona desert in the late 1990s?
6. Where is Victor's renowned private art collection housed anyway? As there isn't a stitch of art in his own residence, we assume it is somewhere in the bowels of Newman. Could it be in the boiler room? The mail room? Or does Victor have a trick James Bond wall in his office that opens to a secret chamber? If he in fact has a Renoir like Sabrina mentioned, is J.T. , head of Insecurity, ensuring that it is adequately protected? Somehow we doubt it.